Please grade my AP World History Cont. and Change-over-time essay?

Test Preparation AP Test Preparation
1

<p>Hi, I was studying for the AP WH test and found it really difficult to grade my own essay. Your help would be immensely appreciated. _<strong><em>Here's the rubric</em></strong>_:</p>

<p>1 Acceptable Thesis
2 Addresses all parts of the question
(1) addresses some parts of the question
2 Substantiates thesis w/ appropriate historical evidence
(1) partially substantiates
1 Uses global historical context effectively to explain change over time and/or continuity
1 Analyzes the process of change over time and/or continuity</p>

<p>Total Basic Points: 7</p>

<p>2 Possible number of points earned for expanded core</p>

<p>Total possible Points: 9</p>

<p><strong><em>Here's the Essay</em></strong>_</p>

<p>When one looks at the map of the world, he or she can see how the vastness of Russia will make it hard to centralize. For most of the period from 600 to 1450 C.E., Russia remained separated and decentralized under many feudal lords and princes and could not unite effectively to form a single powerful defense group. Due to constant Mongol invasions, Russia could not develop its own centralized government, but at the same time, the invasions provided an incentive for them together effectively against a single opponent. </p>

<p>The largest change that Mongol invasions left on Russia was the nation’s ability to unite successfully under pressure. After Kievan Russia, when the twelve Russian states gathered together under a single prince, another strong centralized government was yet to come in the huge empire. Russia instead resorted to an appanage period, in which princes and feudal lords governed separate lands and almost separate states. When the Mongols invaded under Batu, Russian appanages that were most exposed to the Mongol threat could not unite successfully to defeat the Mongols. However, as the Mongol wave approached towards Northeast Russia, a region that was least exposed to the threat, princes began joining appanages and city-states began gaining power in the North. When the Mongols under Batu finally reached Northeast Russia, a successful coalition of princes were able to defeat the Mongols at the Battle of Kulikovo. This victory gave rise to a new national identity and Russian pride.</p>

<p>However, even while Russia found a way to unite successfully against a single enemy, they failed to establish a strong central government due to a tributary system set up by the Mongols during the time period from 600 to 1450. The Mongols, who had successfully defeated the Russians in the South, required annual tribute directly to their capital. Under the watchful eye of this new authority over Russia, the region could not establish a strong central government, and its political structure stayed as it had during its appanage period, with princes and feudal lords holding divided land possessions.</p>

<p>Due to Mongol invasions, Russia found a national identity based on a single victory against a difficult enemy. However, under the tributary system set up by these nomads, Russia was not able to develop a government that could keep the huge region intact and safe against nomadic invasions. However, the ability to unite against a single enemy served as a step stone for later Russian absolutist governments. </p>

<hr>

<p>Thank you for taking your time.</p>

2

<p>Whats the Prompt? Lol.</p>

3

<p>u lost a point for acceptable thesis. u suppose to be more specific and has to include the date in it. Even if u mention it above, it still doesn’t count.</p>

<p>yeah, need the prompt so that i know whether to give u 2 points or not. </p>

<p>I think i would give u a 1 for historical evidence if the question is,“How did the expansion of the Mongolian Empire affected Russia?” Besides, u only mention government and usurping the Mongols. You do know that Russia became part of the Silk Road. </p>

<p>0 point for global context. need to mention about other civilization coming into contact with Russia.</p>

<p>I guess a 1 for analysis.</p>

<p>since u are unable to get all 7 points, u won’t get the extra 2 points then.</p>

<p>So, be more specific with your thesis and have a lot of historical evidences.</p>

4

<p>Sorry. I forgot to attach the prompt. Here it is:</p>

<p>What impact did Mongol invasions have on Russia?</p>

5

<p>OOH!!! I love that prompt! Sorry I can’t grade yours right now because I have to go to school in a minute but a quick word of advice.</p>

<p>While your thesis is technically true, you took a REALLY hard route to turn into a whole essay. What is even more prominent about the Mongol invasions is that they completely destroyed Russia economically, and caused Russia to regress about 300 years. Or if you prefer a different field of discussion, you can write about how they extended the Silk road while the mongols were there because the mongols put new emphasis on trade. Above all, what your paper really should mention is that in all of the cases of Mongol invasion, they ventured to a place with a very delicate economic/political/cultural balance that took centuries to achieve, and then completely disregarded and destroyed that in setting up their own systems.</p>

<p>Also, for your “Putting this in a global context” point: I recommend you discuss their 300 year regression. I’m not sure if you’ve learned this yet because you may still be in the Mongol invasion time period, but when Europe began industrializing in mid1800s, Russia wanted to prove their status as a budding world power and began to attempt to industrialize to match the progression of the other major European powers. I would definitely mention that the mongols indirectly caused Russia to get involved in the competition to be a world power, further increasing the rush to industrialize in Eurasia.</p>

<p>As a matter of fact, you could use several of those points. There’s no reason to limit yourself to one change, and in fact its better not to. You have to use a certain amount of historical evidence, and the more changes/continuities you discuss, the easier that is. On my COT essay, I wrote it in about 20 minutes because I picked 3 major changes/continuities and concisely discussed each of them, which allowed me to spit out a lot of good facts (It was about a page and a half, lol), and I think it was my best one on the exam. (I got a 5 :smiley: )</p>

<p>Anyway good luck! I’ll grade this later when I get home!</p>

6

<p>Hi, Michaelwiggins, thanks so much for the response!
The prompt only covers 600-1450 though.</p>

7

<p>Thesis 0
address all part of question 2
substantiate thesis with appropriate historical evidence 1
use relevant world historical context 0
analyze the process of change/continuity1</p>

<p>4 points total</p>

<p>a good global context is that under the mongolian rule, the Russians flourished under the expansion of the Silk Road, they fought against the Knights of Templar (if i remembered is true), and that there was conflict with the Il-Khanate</p>

<p>u need one more historical evidence. U should talk about the economy as in how they ruin it in the end. If i remember, there was the printing of paper money and tax farming which led to inflation.</p>

<p>Thesis still not specific enough, like i said before.</p>

<p>Once u managed to get all 7 points, you could the extra two points if your analysis is really good, u have a lot of historical evidence, write a really good thesis, and cleverly provide links with relevant ideas, events, and trends. </p>

<p>when I did this, to me, the easiest to get the extra two points are writing a good thesis and listing a lot of historical evidence. </p>

<p>I hope that help.</p>

8

<p>Hmm, I looked over it and I agree with Jerry. I’d give it 4 points for the same reasons. </p>

<p>-The thesis is almost good enough, but like Jerry said, having a “Analytical and comprehensive thesis” is probably the easiest way to kill two birds with one stone and get an expanded core point. While your intro sentences are relevant, you get absolutely no points for that, so I generally keep the intro to a maximum of two sentences, lol. It saves a lot of time and lets you skip straight to the point-earning areas (And if you’re like most people, you’ll spend less time on COT and C&C to get more time on the DBQ).</p>

<p>-Again, if you have a lot of knowledge of the topic you picked then you can possibly milk it for all of the historical facts you need, but if you use the topics that jerry and I gave you (tax farming, paper money [which like I said destroyed the economy], and extension of the silk road, and the 300 year regression), then you’ll have a much easier time. In fact, you’ll have such an easy time putting in a lot of facts that you’ll probably get the expanded core point for an extra large amount of historical support.</p>

<p>-Also, Jerry’s recommendation for the global historical context is good. I recommend that. </p>

<p>Hope that was of some help. I’ll keep an eye on this thread in case you have any more questions, or if you want to revise it and have us look over it again.</p>