Please grade my essay! Practicing a lot to get an 11 or 12.. test on Dec 05. Thank you very much!!!!

Prompt: Are there times when lying is more appropriate than telling the truth?

P.S… I’ve been studying how to write essay by reading other essays posted here on CC that I’ve thought to be very good, so I try to imitate those and steal examples to use when writing. Sorry if this sounds a lot like someone else’s essay that might have been posted on here.

Ever since we were children, we have been constantly told that “honesty is always the best policy.” Even historical figures such as George Washington are lauded and commemorated for their honesty. However, there are times when honesty is not always the best policy. Sometimes, dishonesty is necessary in order to achieve, or escape from oppression. There are myriad examples supporting this statement prevalent throughout history.

Frederick Douglass serves as an example where deception was vital to achieving success. Born a slave in Maryland during the 1700s, Douglass was prohibited from learning how to read or write. However, he later became literate by learning on his own in secret, by deceiving the people who “owned” him. As a result, when Douglass was freed by escaping to the North, he became one of the most influential anti-slavery writers and public speakers in the nation. Frederick Douglass played a vital role in bringing about the Civil Rights Movement, and is now known as one of the most important abolitionists of history. Although he used dishonesty to achieve, Frederick Douglass was able to largely impact society in a positive way; his duplicity was appropriate and vital to his success.

Just as Frederick Douglass used dishonesty in order to escape oppression and bring about change, colonists of the American Revolution used espionage in order to win the American Revolution. During this time period, there were many spy organizations throughout the colonies; these spies were used to gather information on the British and warn colonists of impending attacks. One of the most famous accounts was Paul Revere, who rode through the night to warn others that “the British were coming!” By using espionage and deceiving the British, the colonists were able to defeat the British and escape their oppressive rules and inordinate “taxation without representation.” As we can see, lying played a crucial role in helping the colonists win the American Revolution.

As we can see, lying is oftentimes necessary for bringing about positive social change. If Frederick Douglass had not lied, he would not have been able to become literate, and he wouldn’t have accomplished all that he did. If colonists hadn’t used deception to gain an advantage, they would’ve lost the war.


I ran out of time again on the conclusion, I know it is bad :x but please grade out of 6, or 12 and provide lots of constructive criticism. Please tell me how I can get a 12!

Nice job. Probably a 10 as is and an 11 with a better conclusion. I’ll try to return later with some more specific comments.

@CHD2013 Thank you very much! I’m looking forward to your comments. Also I appreciate you for replying to my other threads as well. Currently I am in a state of panic mode. How can I make it a 12 though?

Here’s a few suggestions for the first two paragraphs. None are significant, but 12 is a lofty goal.

Paragraph 1 - the biggest issue is word usage. For example, you don’t use myriad perfectly and the use of prevalent is worse. Use words you can use better. The word “Even” in sentence two doesn’t really make sense. Don’t use “we.”

Paragraph 2 - sentence 3 has the word “by” twice; not good. After “as a result” tell us what happened; eliminate or move the clause that follows. Being “known” for something is less important than accomplishing it; emphasize the accomplishment. Last sentence - need another word before the comma and get rid of “largely.”