please grade my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Prompt-people who like to think of themselves as tough minded and realistic tend to take it for granted that human nature is “ selfish” and that life is a struggle in which only the fittest may survive. According to this view the basic law by which people must live is the law of the jungle. The “fittest” are those people who can bring to the struggle force, superior cunning, and superior ruthlessness.</p>

<p>Adapted from S.I. Hayakawa, Language in thought and Action</p>

<p>Assignment: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you developYour point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.</p>

<p>To succeed in any goal, a person must be highly competitive attitude towards a goal, their can be no drive or motivation strong enough for a triumph.</p>

<p>At the start of the American revolution, the American patriots were vastly outnumbered an undersupplied against their British enemies. The British had more money, guns, soldiers, war for American independence. But the British didn’t have was a competitive attitude. When the war escalated, the patriots sole clear advantage was a strong drive for freedom, fueled by the words of John Locke, Voltaire, Paine, and others, a drive that out matched the drive of the British by a landslide. Without this desperate, yearning, competitive attitude the Patriots could never have even raised enough troops to win one skirmish, let alone stand against the greatest army in the world and achieve the freedom they strived hard for.</p>

<p>Even in strictly nonviolent protest is a strong competitive attitude necessary to succeed. In the Civil rights movement numerous protesters were thrown in jail and kicked by police in their efforts to secure equal rights for all. Mile’s long marches were held for protest, some that could last for days without a strong competitie attitude and desire to secure civil rights for all, no one would have peacefully been thrown in a jail cell or voluntarily been attacked by dogs. The protesters strong competitive attitude led many bystanders and moderates to side with them and force authorities to desegregate society and promote and equal and free society rather than stifle it.</p>

<p>Without a highly competitive competitive attitude, nothing momentous nor minor could be accomplished, because without strong motivation to achieve goal the effort to succeed enough to achieve it.</p>

2

<p>I’d give it a 5/12 or 6/12 at best. To start with, you’re essay is way too short. A research study was done by an MIT professor showing that all essays that were 2 pages long or roughly over 400 words all scored double digits.</p>

<p>Your essay is 281 words.</p>

<p>Secondly your examples are weak. The british soldiers weren’t competitive? I don’t think thats the right word. Motivated describes the british better, making them a bad example. </p>

<p>Your word choice is very basic and so is your sentence structure.</p>

<p>My credentials?</p>

<p>I scored a 2350 on my SAT</p>

3

<p>Thank you for the feedback, i panicked a little bit at the prompt and didn’t really have great examples. Does the length really make that much of a difference?</p>

4

<p>Length makes ALL the difference.</p>

<p>You could write ******** for the full 2 pages and fill it up nicely and still get a 9 or over.</p>

<p>Believe me, your number 1 goal is the full up that page with decent analysis</p>