Final essay before tomorrow's SATs, Please someone grade it. 1-12 is fine

<p>The title explains everything...</p>

<p>People who like to think of themselves as tough-minded and realistic tend to take it for granted that human nature is “selfish” and that life is a struggle in which only the fittest may survive. According to this view, the basic law by which people must live is the law of the jungle. The “fittest” are those people who can bring to the struggle superior force, superior cunning, and superior ruthlessness.
Adapted from S.I. Hayakawa, Language in Thought and Action </p>

<p>Assignment:
Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<pre><code>Though Hayakawa’s statements have validity, it is not required for one to be “highly” competitive to succeed. The “fit” are not the ones who strive to accomplish, but the ones who are adept in their vocation. It is evident though historical events as well as recent occurrences that competitiveness is not required to succeed and may be the source of questionable actions.

With the shoot heard around, the Revolutionary War started in the countryside of the Massachusetts Bay colony. It was the classic match up of an underdog to a global favorite. The colonies needed a man who is adroit in and experienced in military skills. George Washington did not campaign or drop to cut throat maneuvers to win the title. He simply waited for the electors to call upon his expertise. However, on the other hand, another prominent general of the time, Benedict Arnold, deeply strived for the position of Commander of the Continental Army. He was skilled. Yet his extreme fervor for the position and deep loath for those who believed he deserved any promotion led Arnold to his most nefarious deed, treason. With a provincial outlook, Arnold sought money, position, and fame and defected even to the adversary’s camp when he was given theses “likings.”

On a more recent note, one the most competitive professions is that of the star athlete. With the expensive contracts and conspicuous lifestyle, an athlete is exalted throughout the world. Yet, in current times, these athletes have bypassed healthy competition into the world of illegal enhancements. Steroids, Human Growth Hormone, and other performance enhancing drugs are utilized by those who want to improve and succeed. Yet, is this what the drive to succeed leads to? A world of illegal activies?

A competitive nature is a boost to any personality. Yet, excessive zeal might denigrate or annihilate any possibility of success. The fittest are those are the best suited for the certain job, not the most fanatical.
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<p>As said in title a 1-12 grade is fine. Thanks in advance</p>

<p>looks about a 10 to me-</p>

<p>to reach 11 and 12 i would either make the second example more specific (ie an athelete at the top of his game used steriods to attempt to go further)</p>

<p>there are also minor grammatical errors but very few essays are perfect. overall, great use of support and well focused thesis</p>

<p>9-10. I had no clue what you were going to talk about looking at the the topic sentence of your first body. The 1st body is a good example, but the 2nd is not detailed enough. Have good structure. Intro, body, conclusion, with good topic sentences. The readers won't have many time to read each essay, make it easy for them to read. You have good vocabulary, so that's good. Gl on the test tomorrow.</p>