Please grade my SAT essay (2-12)?

<p>Topic: Is is important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>Questioning established beliefs and laws is essential to the advancement and growth of society. A few examples from literary works and films illustrate the importance of inquiry and doubt in the progression of humanity. </p>

<p>As demonstrated by District 702, a novel by Louise Paine, the courage of individuals to question those in power ultimately supplants the suppressive town council and emancipates the townspeople. In the novel, Japsby Stenson creates a clandestine resistence group against the tyrannical town council of District 702. The authoritarian members of the council censor all works of criticism against established ideas, employs youth propaganda, and punishes dissenters in order to spread fear and obedience among the people. However, with the fearless dedication of Stenson and several other members, the townspeople soon learn to repel the corrupt and false beliefs instilled by the authority and develop independent thought. As the number of dissenters and heretics grow, the council faces a conundrum as they cannot contain the profusion of noncompliance. An increasing amount of schools are established, youth propaganda groups are banned, and destroyed works are restored to the public. Therefore, the questioning of several individuals successfully supplants the totalitarian council with a more liberal one which serves the people and does not inhibit new ideas.</p>

<p>As shown by the film Glendor by Jess Finley, a single individual's action of questioning prevents the destruction of an entire city to alien invasion and dominance. A high school student, Jossan Hensler has always pondered the sudden dissapearance of his older brother from a hiking trip 5 years ago. Regardless of the countless explanations of how his brother had become lost and ingested poisonous berries, Jossan decides to challenge the narratives of his widowed father one day. After infuriating his father and evoking tearful memories, he thoroughly researches the selection process of alien abduction and discovers a list of "A-immune" individuals whom the aliens plan to capture in order to complete their annihilation of the city. The individuals of the list generate interference rays that obstruct the annihilation waves from the alien devices. With his newfound discovery, Jossan alerts the parents of previously abducted individuals, but receives general scorn and mockery. However, his determination to save the city does not flag as he creates decoys of the next victims, therefore saving them from disappearance. The aliens send out their A-waves which are surprisingly countered by the rays of the saved individuals. The city realizes the debacle of the aliens and invents anti-alien technology. Hence, the courage of Jossan to stand up against the authority of his elders, the parents saves the entire city and leads the city to technological advancement against extraterrestrial threats.</p>

<p>After a thorough analysis of District 702 and Glendor, questioning the established ideas of authority is truly the most efficient way of improving the current state of society. Without individuals who impugn authority, society would remain static in its flaws and ultimately fall into dystopia. Thus, disputations of apparent truths set forth by those in power are healthy to the positive evolution of humanity.</p>

<p>I am following How to Write a 12 Essay in 10 Days, but fabricating my own examples.
Also, I was wondering if my essay is too long, because I am trying to make it two pages. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated :)</p>

<p>No offence but i will give you a 6 or 7 just because i can easily catch your made up examples. Do not be this obvious. It took me 1 search to see that first two examples are false.</p>

<p>Don’t do this.</p>

<p>Give real examples for example. your example one could have been of ‘The Hunger Game’s’ (if you have read it).</p>

<p>example from film could have been ‘The Adjustment Bureau’ Starring Matt Damon (if you have seen it) which is a pretty good example.</p>

<p>Read Novels, Watch Movies. !!</p>

<p>Thanks shauryagupta for the feedback :slight_smile: But it actually doesn’t matter if the examples are false. I know other students who wrote examples that are blatantly false and still got a 11 or 12.</p>

<p>Wow, I could have done that…</p>

<p>-Is this your natural voice? I found it hard to read. It sounds like you wrote with a thesaurus.
-Your essay was too long, and your point doesn’t come across until the very end.
-You’re writing summaries of a made-up story, instead of explaining your point.
-You can get away with writing a few false examples, but don’t get too carried away. It’s better if you come up with real-life examples. The SAT prompts are grounded in reality, not dystopian stuff.
-Your essay should be short, but concise.
6/12</p>

<p>Examples of SAT Prompts:
<a href=“http://professionals.collegeboard.com/testing/sat-reasoning/prep/essay-prompts[/url]”>http://professionals.collegeboard.com/testing/sat-reasoning/prep/essay-prompts&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<ol>
<li>Lots of summarizing not enough analyzing.</li>
</ol>

<p>^what he/she said above</p>

<p>I think for examples, you can make up quotes and personal experiences but it’s better to go with real books and history.</p>

<p>Another thing is that it sounds really fancy and everything but it doesn’t flow. And the second paragraph is mostly summarization. Remove some stuff and it’ll be better.</p>

<p>8</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Your writing is inscrutable. Use clearer words.</p></li>
<li><p>Reread the question and then reread your essay.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Can you really write this much in 25 minutes without knowing the question in advance?</p>

<p>I don’t mind the made-up examples, but there are only two of them, and just plot summaries.
There are plenty of real historical examples that you could use that would fit the topic so much better.</p>

<p>Your vocabulary and grammar are pretty good, though. I’d give it a 9, but I think if this were an actual handwritten SAT essay, it would be scored even higher. ( I doubt you could write all this spontaneously during a real test.)</p>

<p>This feels like an 8 or 9 to me. As a writing teacher, I dislike the thesaurus-wielding, but in practical terms, it will probably raise your score. I’d maybe have a more developed intro and conclusion.</p>