Please grade my SAT essay!

<p>This is my first practice essay that I wrote in 25 minutes. Please give me copious feedback! Thank you so much!</p>

<p>Prompt: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>Essay:
Self-determination of identity is not innate in everyone's character- sometimes, we need other people to become fully aware of our true characteristics. Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games trilogy and Ethan Hawley from The Winter of Our Discontent both exemplify this point.
In the Hunger Games trilogy, the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, discovers herself only after listening to other people's comments about her. In a post-apocalyptic civilization comprised of twelve Districts, the totalitarian government brutally oppresses its citizens. To flaunt its power and control, it holds an annual Hunger Games, a competition in which one boy and girl from each district are forced into an arena to kill each other on live television. Katniss, chosen as a "tribute", competes in the Games and instigates insurrection among the citizens through her actions. Emerging as the leader of the rebellion in an effort to save her family and to eradicate unjust oppressions, Katniss acts selflessly as she battles against government officials. She inspires myriad people to persist in battle; however, she does not know this until her friends and supporters assert to her "the effect she has on other people". Katniss only realizes her true selfless, courageous character through other people's comments. Thus, she is exemplary of one who understands one's nature with the help of others.
Also in literature, Ethan Hawley from The Winter of Our Discontent understands his true character by comparing himself to his son. Once a wealthy, renowned man, Hawley now resides as the town's grocery store clerk. Goaded by his family's constant avarice, he abandons his moral values in an effort to achieve opulence and fame. Hawley gets his boss deported, allowing him to take over the store, and exploits his inebriate friends to acquire a valuable piece of property. By disregarding his moralities, he becomes the town's wealthiest, most famous man. However, while achieving this, Hawley does not realize his immoral behavior; only after witnessing his son cheating on a national writing contest does he see his own self in his son. When his son says, "Daddy did it too", Hawley realizes his unscrupulous ways and moral decadence. Thus, Ethan Hawley demonstrates how one sometimes needs other people to understand oneself.
Both Katniss from Suzanne Collin's The Hunger Games trilogy and Ethan Hawley from John Steinbeck's The Winter of Our Discontent realize their true characters with the help of other people. Sometimes, when we carry out actions, we do not realize how they reflect our true selves. When that happens, other people can help us to understand ourselves, whether directly by pointing out or explaining it verbally, or indirectly when we compare ourselves to them.</p>

<p>I would say a 9-11. The second paragraph was a little iffy…I didn’t really feel any connection to “self-determination.” It did work with the second part of your thesis, that other people can help you learn about yourself. But looking back at your thesis, I don’t really feel convinced. You also spend quite a bit on summary (which you should do, but only in moderation). You really only have like 1 sentence at the end that is only somewhat analytical. Try to relate back to thesis more. Great vocabulary and sentence structure/variety!</p>