Please grade my essay - please be harsh and detailed in your comments and corrections.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Note : Sorry if my examples are factually incorrect. They’re the only ones I could come up with. If you have any advice on how to provide good examples, PLEASE help. It’s for the Dec 5 SAT :frowning:

Assignment : Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?

Essay :

    The quest to understanding oneself is a long one. We certainly cannot do it alone, and thankfully we are not obliged to, because people around us, regardless of their age, can help us. Several examples from history, literature, and my personal life clearly demonstrate how understanding oneself doesn't have to be a one man trip.
  For example, in the novel 1984 by George Orwell, Winston is a rebellious lad whose idiosyncratic thoughts stand out in the society. Of course, he keeps them secret in fear of being punished. Winston recognises someone else who has similar thoughts, O'Brian, and allies with him. O'Brian turns out to be a con man and arrests Winston and tortures him prolongedly. Through the painful torture and unimaginable pain Winston remains adamant and doesn't change his beliefs, but in the end, the pain and fear become unbearable. Under the effect of this fear, Winston finally opens his mind to O'Brian's words - that the Party is always right and that everyone should love and revere Big Brother. Winston finally succumbs to these words and adopts them as his own. He claims to have finally understood himself and becomes a different person. The complete transformation in Winston's thoughts and his supposed "new understanding" were caused only by O'Brian's emphatic assistance. Winston could have never understood himself this well if he were by his own.
  Also, as demonstrated by Beatrice Prior's changes in Divergent, help from others is essential to understanding oneself. During "choosing season", Beatrice finds comfort in choosing the Dauntless Faction. However, she immediately faces mental and physical hardships afterwards. She regrets her choosing decision for a while, until Four, also known as Tobias, interferes and helps her. By telling Beatrice about his many experiences, he gives her a new perspective to the Dauntless life and persuades her that she is a perfect fit and even a suitable candidate for the highest positions in the Faction. Without Tobias' help, Beatrice would have never had this mind-boggling epiphany.Through his help, Beatrice further understood herself.
  After a careful analysis of 1984 and Divergent, it is crystal-clear that understanding oneself is easier, more fun, and less burdensome when someone can help through it. If left with no help, there's no way one can discover him/herself.

End.

1 - The essay fills 1.8 pages. Should I aim for 2?
2 - Notice how I mentioned history and my personal life in the introduction but didn’t mention any examples about them.
3 - Any spelling or grammatical mistakes?
4 - What about the structure of the paragrahs?
5 - Can I just widen my handwriting and increase spacing to fill 2 pages? (my handwriting is relatively small)
6 - Any extra advice is honestly appreciated.

THANK YOU :smiley:

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How do you know the topic for the Dec. 5th SAT?

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@Jenni7298 The OP said they are taking an SAT test in December.

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Is anyone going to grade it :smiley: ?

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Not the best source of essay help since I’m not good at essay-writing, but I’ve read a fair amount of 12 essays so I think I can give some advice.

Definitely make sure to narrow your thesis. You noted that you were missing the history and personal part. The thesis is basically your contract with the reader. It reflects poorly if you can’t fulfill this promise.
On the topic of length, there seems to be a consensus that the closer you get to 2 pages, the better. Instead of trying to manipulate the size of your handwriting, try to add some more analysis. A few more sentences of analysis here and there and some more complexity in the concluding sentence of your examples will get you to 2 pages easily. For example, the ending of the second example paragraph, “Through his help, Beatrice further understood herself.” It’s a good concluding sentence, but it leaves more to be desired. Simply saying that she was able to understand herself is a bit too vague so expand on this. 12 essays should clearly demonstrate insightful thinking.
Lastly, I would recommend that you refrain from using phrases like crystal clear. Maybe use “it becomes evident”. It’s a strange hop down from your formal writing style.

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Thank you very much ! I’ll try to apply your advice.