Please grade my SAT essay

<p>Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone? </p>

<p>Equality and complete fairness is something that each nation strives to achieve at some point in is history in order to be known as a Utopian society. Personally, I do not think that it is possible for society to be fair to everyone.
The affirmative action in the United States has tried to make sure that African Americans are treated as equals in American society. This act led to the introduction of laws by the Supreme Court that ban institutions from discriminating against, caste, colour and/or Gender. In fact, many states such as Arizona and – have banned affirmative action as they believe that it has achieved its goal- equality. Is that true? Is everyone in America equal and fair to everyone? The citizens of Ferguson don’t think so. were A young black man was gunned down by the police even though he was not armed or posing any threat to his surroundings. Is that fair? A society can only be fair to everyone if everyone is treated with the same respect. In fact, a lot of people find that acts such as Affirmative Action lead to discrimination against the white American population. They believe that Affirmative Action actually leads to further inequality as white men and women are not given equal opportunities to the minorities in America. This is a clear example indicating why complete fairness will never be achieved.
Abraham Lincoln tried to achieve equality, Martin Luther King tried to ensure that everyone was treated fairly but both leaders failed at their task. We do not live in a society that is fair. If no country was able to achieve complete fairness by 2014, I find it hard to believe that we will achieve complete fairness in the future. Looking at the case in Ferguson, we can establish that society isn't fair even though we have entered the 21st century where the government has tried multiple times to ensure that everyone is treated fairly.
Similarly, if we take a look at women’s rights we realise that society is not fair. If a man and women are hired to do the same job the women is likely be paid 33 cents less than the man per dollar. Is this fair? Discrimination is all around us. I find it hard to believe that society will ever be completely fair anytime in the future. This is because human nature obstructs us from being fair to everyone. It is human nature to want to be superior to the rest of society. Everyone strives to be better than the rest and this is why everyone cannot be equal. Whites will strive to be superior to other races, men with strive to be superior to women.
There are laws all over the world that state that men and women are equal and that no one can discriminate against people on the bases of their gender. Then why is it that a woman is still likely to earn less than a man? Even though gay marriage is equal in a lot of parts of the world, why is it that members of the LGBT community are still harassed on the streets because of their sexual orientation? It’s because being able to accept people for being different or having a different opinion to yours is hard and I cannot see society ever being able to overcome this obstacle in order to ensure that everyone is treated fairly. My friend has still not had the courage to tell her parents that she is a lesbian because she is scared about the backlash she might face from both her parents and society. She is scared that she won’t be treated fairly because she is ‘different’ to the rest of her family.
Theoretically, achieving equality and treating everyone equally can happen. As long as we have strict laws that are enforced all over the globe, we can achieve fairness. However, in practice I think complete fairness with never be achieved. Even if we have the strictest laws to prevent discrimination and promote fairness we will never be able to live in a Utopian society because there are seven billion humans on the planet our human extinct to be better than the rest will always kick in and lead to inequality.
Having said that, we should all still strive to treat everyone with fairness. We might not ever achieve complete fairness but as long as we try bridging the gap of inequality, we will succeed in being better human beings and a better society.</p>

<p>6, great essay! </p>

<p>ok … it is a very nice essay … but i say this essay is impossible to be written in 25 minutes … i doubt u wrote it under time cuz it is too long and too extra-developed … however if u could write this in 25 minutes although i even doubt it would fit in 2 papers :stuck_out_tongue: … i think u would take a 11</p>

<p>Too much repetition, some typos or grammar mistakes, not enough difficult vocabulary, and a few undeveloped ideas.</p>

<p>“Personally, I do not think that it is possible for society to be fair to everyone.”
Try not to refer to yourself in your essay. Also, your thesis should include why you think that society cannot be fair to everyone. Also, you almost copied the essay question verbatim, which is a bad thing.</p>

<p>“A young black man was gunned down by the police even though he was not armed or posing any threat to his surroundings. Is that fair?”
I don’t know. Is it? You should explain how it was unfair that the police judged the guy by his race, so the police shot him. Also, your topic sentence is about affirmative action, not about Ferguson.</p>

<p>“This is a clear example indicating why complete fairness will never be achieved.”
Unnecessary in the body paragraph. If it truly is a clear example, the grader would know that it is a clear example. You do not have to tell him/her that it is a clear example.</p>

<p>“Abraham Lincoln tried to achieve equality, Martin Luther King tried to ensure that everyone was treated fairly but both leaders failed at their task.”
You can shorten this. “Leaders such as Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King tried but failed to achieve equality.” You did not explain how they attempted to achieve equality, and you did not explain how they failed to achieve equality. Furthermore, this does not serve as a good topic sentence because its paragraph does not have much to do with leaders who failed to achieve equality.</p>

<p>“We do not live in a society that is fair.”
You repeat this too often.</p>

<p>“If no country was able to achieve complete fairness by 2014, I find it hard to believe that we will achieve complete fairness in the future.”
Again, do not use the word “I.” Also, the word “if” suggests something conditional. We are already in the year 2014, so there is nothing speculative here.</p>

<p>“Looking at the case in Ferguson, we can establish that society isn’t fair”
Repetition.</p>

<p>“Similarly, if we take a look at women’s rights we realise that society is not fair.”
Repetition.</p>

<p>“If a man and women are hired to do the same job the women is likely be paid 33 cents less than the man per dollar. Is this fair?”
You asked “is this fair?” way too many times.</p>

<p>“There are laws all over the world that state that men and women are equal and that no one can discriminate against people on the bases of their gender. Then why is it that a woman is still likely to earn less than a man?”
Isn’t this basically a rewording/repetition of the above?</p>

<p>“I find it hard to believe that society will ever be completely fair anytime in the future.”
Do not use the word “I.” Also, repetition.</p>

<p>“This is because human nature obstructs us from being fair to everyone.”
Maybe you should include this in your thesis, and try to incorporate this in all your examples.</p>

<p>“Even though gay marriage is equal in a lot of parts of the world, why is it that members of the LGBT community are still harassed on the streets because of their sexual orientation?”
Could begin a new paragraph. Also you should either write “gay marriage is legal” or “gay marriage is equal to straight marriage.”</p>

<p>“It’s because being able to accept people for being different or having a different opinion to yours is hard.”
Also a good thing to put in the thesis because it explains why you believe society cannot be fair to everyone.</p>

<p>“I cannot see society ever being able to overcome this obstacle in order to ensure that everyone is treated fairly.”
Do not use the word “I.” Yet another repetition. I am aware that you cannot see society ever becoming fair to everyone. You already said this a bunch of times earlier in your essay.</p>

<p>“My friend has still not had the courage to tell her parents that she is a lesbian”
Your topic sentence or the sentence that should be the topic sentence of this paragraph is about LGBT members who are harassed on the streets. You should either find a new example or change your topic sentence so that it is more focused on your friend.</p>

<p>“Theoretically, achieving equality and treating everyone equally can happen. As long as we have strict laws that are enforced all over the globe, we can achieve fairness.”
Not the best way to start a conclusion. Your conclusion should restate your thesis. Here, your conclusion is a counterpoint to your thesis. Counterpoints are not bad per se, but you should avoid beginning your conclusion with them.</p>

<p>“Having said that, we should all still strive to treat everyone with fairness.”
You do not need to begin a new paragraph here. This should be a part of the conclusion.</p>

<p>Your examples: affirmative action, Ferguson, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King<em>, women’s wages, human nature</em><em>, LGBT, your friend</em>**</p>

<ul>
<li>Both Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King are leaders, so they could be part of the same example.
** Does not have to be an example. Can become a part of your thesis.
*** Somewhat related to LGBT, so I guess I could consider your friend and LGBT to be part of the same example.</li>
</ul>

<p>Excluding the examples with asterisks next to them, you have five examples. That is way too many. A good SAT essay should have no more than three examples.</p>

<p>I believe that I am not qualified to give your essay a grade because I only received an 8/12 on my SAT essay. However, I think my suggestions may be useful to you.</p>