Please help me grade my AP World History DBQ

<em>This is my first time writing a DBQ, and I’m self-studying AP world, so I’m probably very unexperienced at it :(. Please grade it and give me advices. Thank you! :D</em></p>

This is a prompt from the Princeton Review Cracking book DBQ section, the documents could be found here:</p>

[Cracking</a> the AP World History Exam - Google Books](<a href=“http://books.google.com/books?id=X4ge77NTSx0C&pg=PA63&lpg=PA63&dq=compare+and+contrast+the+preambles+of+several+modern+constitutions&source=bl&ots=TIO0pBznob&sig=MPTWwLVvJiLpkeP0bEiizhAIEHM&hl=en&ei=CwuzTci_IsTi0QG75NC0CQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CBwQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=compare%20and%20contrast%20the%20preambles%20of%20several%20modern%20constitutions&f=false]Cracking”>http://books.google.com/books?id=X4ge77NTSx0C&pg=PA63&lpg=PA63&dq=compare+and+contrast+the+preambles+of+several+modern+constitutions&source=bl&ots=TIO0pBznob&sig=MPTWwLVvJiLpkeP0bEiizhAIEHM&hl=en&ei=CwuzTci_IsTi0QG75NC0CQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CBwQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=compare%20and%20contrast%20the%20preambles%20of%20several%20modern%20constitutions&f=false)</p>

Prompt: Given the documents below, compare and contrast the preambles of several modern constitutions. What other additional document(s) would help give a fuller picture of how the constitutions of these countries compare to the constitutions of other countries?</p>

Modern constitutions began to be written by countries since the 1940s. The similarities of the preambles of different countries are obvious, all promoted peace, unity, equality and liberty in their country and pledged to secure these to all citizens. But some countries’ preambles to constitution are different, they stressed their gaining of independence, fighting to defend their country and unification.</p>

Most preambles mentioned giving rights, liberty, equality, peace and justice to their citizens. In the Japanese preamble to Constitution (Doc 1), it is written that they will secure themselves with peaceful cooperation, liberty and never be visited again by the horrors of war. It also stressed the Japanese’ desire for peace, as well as the desire for an honored place in an international society to preserve peace and increase human rights. Similarly, in the preamble to Constitution of India (Doc 2), justice, liberty and equality of the people were also secured to all citizens. And in the preamble of constitution in Germany (Doc 3), it as well wrote about the responsibility to preserve peace. In the same way, in the preamble to constitution of France (Doc 4), France reaffirmed its Rights of Man written after the French Revolution, and reaffirmed that liberty, equality and fraternity will be given to people.</p>

<pre><code>While all promoted the benefit and goodness of peace, some wrote it in a different way, and this is usually because of a different political background of the country. The most obvious example is probably the preamble to Constitution of Congo (Doc 6), while it talked about all these virtues (unity, peace, liberty, love etc) in their country, it also listed how the country have been oppressed by other powers, and this oppression made Congo have many inequalities, and rights of human were violated. It went on talking about the virtues of the people and the country itself through all hardships, including their independence. The reason why the Congolese constitution stressed so much on the hardships it faced is because they indeed went through so many, such as European colonization and its independence was gained after all these. This document may be biased because of all the negative impacts of the world powers. Another example is the Vietnamese Constitution (Doc 5), it also mentioned the goodness of Vietnamese people defending their country and fighting for it. As well as how the virtues were forged by these hardships. This was also because Vietnam had been through much domination by foreign powers. Another example was the constitution of West Germany (Doc 3), at this time, W Germany had just come out of WWII, and it previously had a different time unifying itself. That’s why it mentioned being an equal part in unified Europe.

Also, it would be helpful to include a preamble from one of the American countries, since all continents of the world had an example of a preamble, except North or South America, so it would be helpful to do so in comparing the whole world.

All preambles stressed the importance of peace, liberty, unity and justice, some in a way of pledge to people, and others in the form of recording its history.
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bump>> please help me</p>

I can’t remember the AP grading rubric exactly, but I would score your essay as either a 5 or a 6. </p>

You did really well with the point of view, actually analyzing why the documents would be biased instead of just saying “this doc. is biased.” You need to make your introduction and ESPECIALLY your thesis much stronger. Try not to use vague wording such as “some”, “many”, “a few”, etc. Try and be specific in your thesis so the reader knows exactly what your essay will talk about. </p>

In introducing an additional document, try to incorporate that into one of your body paragraphs. It makes the essay seem more cohesive instead of being just a list of facts strung together with sentences. Make your conclusion into a full paragraph if you have time. Add some holistic analysis within your conclusion, because that can score you expanded core points. </p>

While they won’t count off for grammar, spelling, etc., really try to make your essay flow smoothly from one thought to the next. You have some minor grammar/wording issues that affect the way your essay sounds when read. </p>

The AP readers have SO MANY essays to read. That means they won’t spend time trying to figure out if you really understood the prompt and analyze your essay to find chances to give you points. You have to be explicit in explaining and expressing your ideas in your essay, because readers will miss it if you don’t. </p>

Just some minor nitpicking on my part: You suggest the additional document of a preamble of an American nation. I’m not sure if you would get points for that because your reasoning isn’t very strong. I’ve heard this year that the AP rules have changed so that they will deduct points for wrong historical facts (but I’m not sure). The prompt asks for an analysis of preambles from the modern period. Most nations in North and South America gained their independence and wrote their constitutions before then. </p>

Given that this is your first DBQ, you did a really good job! Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions. :)</p>

Thank you SO MUCH for you detailed grading and explanations!</p>