please..need some advice about my future; I can't afford to go to college

Parents Forum
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<p>Families can be so odd. I don’t know why it is acceptable to treat your own family so much worse than you would a stranger. But if I were you, I would just blow off the negativity that is coming your way from your mom, and go and do your thing. Work hard, be successful, spend as little time as possible listening to that stuff. When it comes at you, oh, gotta go work/study/school, got something else to do. See ya! You can be busy enough that you can avoid negative interaction. And nothing will shut her up faster than being successful. Don’t let it drag you down, don’t let the past come back to haunt you, it all starts now! You are obviously very bright and motivated, with a plan. That’s alot more than most people have to work with.</p>

<p>And as far as being in an extreme minority and feeling that people will dislike you…get that right out of your mind. If you are different from the pack, you are interesting. Just because someone might be a farm kid doesn’t mean they are hateful and racist, they could be extremely kind. Give them a chance. Get that chip off your shoulder, take the word racism out of your vocabulary, be friendly and smile at people. Get involved in activities where you can make friends. Give people a chance.</p>

<p>For 27 years I have been an extreme minority in my occupation. It was alot harder at first, when it was less common and men actually detested women who were in the occupation, and were rooting for us to fail. Being oblivious of this is so healthy. If you keep the chip on your shoulder and the fear that others won’t like you alive, it won’t work out well for you. Be kind and happy, and people will seek you out. You will be surprised if you give people the chance, don’t make assumptions about those you don’t even know…you can win people over.</p>

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<p>Eastafrobeauty: You are not a failure! You have owned up to your mistakes. You’ve taken stock of your situation and reviewed your options, and are ready to make a decision. All of this takes enormous maturity and bravery. Give yourself credit for that, please. Give yourself a lot of credit. </p>

<p>When it comes time to transfer, you will find an adcom that is impressed by what you have accomplished and by the story you have to tell. Maybe South Dakota State is not your first choice. But wherever people come together for the purpose of learning, you will find things that excite your curiosity and open your mind to new ways of thinking and being in the world. Take advantage of every opportunity you can at SDSU, work hard, have some fun and stay positive. You sound like someone who is not afraid to ask for help, and that’s a good thing, because it will help you find mentors and supporters at SDSU. I wish you all the best.</p>

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<p>Your mom says you “can’t” live with your aunt… but you are 18 and an adult and can do whatever you like. If she is criticizing you daily while you work hard to make your life better, she is abdicating her role as a mother.</p>

<p>If you still feel that living with your thoughtful and generous aunt and going to a good CC for two years before transferring is the smart way to go, then do it. You don’t need your mother’s permission. </p>

<p>Stay positive! This is a stressful time, but it is so very, very clear from your posts that you are smart and motivated, and you WILL succeed. And you’ll even have fun!</p>

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<p>I have no advice, just hugs. Life is chaotic right now, just stick with it, think about your choices carefully, focus on your goals, and don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t worth it.</p>

<p>Oh, and do your chores, so you mother will have one less thing to yell about…</p>

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<p>Eastafrobeauty, however things turn out, whether this works out or not, please keep in mind that you are young and have a lot of options ahead of you. It’s not a break or make situation. Many ways to get through life and many alternative routes. You have an opportunity here, and I hope you enjoy it as I hope you enjoy most things in your life to come.</p>

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<p>Bookmarked. </p>

<p>“Your mom says you “can’t” live with your aunt… but you are 18 and an adult and can do whatever you like. If she is criticizing you daily while you work hard to make your life better, she is abdicating her role as a mother”</p>

<p>In my opinion, I think it takes more than that, to abdicate your role as a mother . And you can’t “do what you want”, without financial independence.</p>

<p>Also, don’t know if I would be so quick to recommend you come between your mom and her sister. If they are not already estranged, they have a long history, hopefully of well earned trust.</p>

<p>FWIW, you are one of the resilient ones! You go, giirl!</p>

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<p>^ Thank you :)</p>

<p>Everyone, I feel like I’m kind of at fault here not completely both sides of the story. My mom is the most amazing person in the world that has unconditionally loved me. She only wants the best for me.Yes, I have given her a hard time—no duh, obviously I’m a teenager :rolleyes: but I used to give her a really hard time in the past skipping school a lot. That was when I was a sophomore. I gave her a little trouble my jr yr too…but that was just mostly issues with household chores and keeping my room clean (she’s a neat freak! lol.). So you could say she still carries a lot of excess baggage from all the trouble I gave her. A lot has changed now. I don’t give her much trouble. And, I’m doing a better job of being more helpful around the house. Also, I don’t do drugs, smoke, drink, go out excessively…so I’m a good kid. On top of that, she deals with an enormous amount of stress from her job…she works crazy hours. It’s even tougher b/c she is a single parent…my dad doesn’t help at all so all the weight bears on her shoulders to provide for my family. In addition, my younger 12 y/o brother is extremely troublesome constantly getting into trouble at his school AND at home. Literally everyday my mom gets upset at my brother (and me half of the time). I’m so scared that she might get a stroke one day. She has felt numbness in a face a couple of times b/c she gets mad :frowning: He has MAJOR behavioral & disciplinary issues. He’s actually a pretty bright kid–he scored in the top percentile for the math test in our state. My mom is considering sending him away to a boarding school in Malaysia. </p>

<p>She doesn’t want me staying with my aunt b/c she doesn’t want me to be a burden on her. My aunt is also another neat freak. haha. I totally understand my mom. She also doesn’t want me going to a Community College b/c of its reputation—a lot of bad Somali kids go there…and she doesn’t want their bad influence rubbing on me. She also fears that I’d drop out of school if I go to a CC–it will be very tough for me to commute everyday to school…especially w/o a car—in this hark MN weather! She wants me to experience the actual college life, where I have a place to stay & study quietly–w/o worrying about commuting etc.</p>

<p>My mom has told me that she is very disappointed in me that I haven’t worked up to my fullest potential. That made my heart sink a little bit and I regret not trying harder either…I started with a 3.6 gpa …and went to just sliding by. I took a few wrong turns. Yes, I regret my decisions. But that won’t stop me. I am determined to fix my wrongs…and to redeem myself in college and to graduate from a reputable college…and make the most out of my college experience by gaining pre-professional experience like internships. I would like to major in Economics w/ a minor in Accounting or finance. </p>

<p>Lastly, I am 99% sure that I’m going to attend South Dakota State U (SDSU). Hopefully I’ll be able to make a visit there. It seems like a nice place…and I don;t mind staying there for two years,…before I can transfer to the UMN-TC, Vanderbilt, UPENN , Emory etc…</p>

<p>I will stay focused on the goal and maintain a 3.7+ gpa. And, get involved …</p>

<p>I have the mentality that failure only makes us better, stronger & faster. I always pass by this one motivation poster that says, “If you don’t succeed you’re in good company” so many successful people in this world haven’t had their taste of success without failing (see: Abe Lincoln).</p>

<p>I guess I’m just gonna have pick myself up, dust myself off and try again.</p>

<p>There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.</p>

<p>- Malcolm X</p>

<p>Thank you so much for all the advice & support you parents have shown on this thread! I really appreciate it. :)</p>

<p>I’ll keep everyone updated!</p>

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<p>I think that the decision to go to South Dakota is a good decision for you.</p>

<p>If you get mostly A’s freshman year, maybe you can transfer to the U after just one year - but you never know, maybe you will really like being at South Dakota State.</p>

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<p>I just finished applying to the University of North Dakota (UND). I know it’s late…BUT… If i get in, I will most likely attend! I’m even applying for their “cultural diversity tuition waiver” which means there’s a possibility of me attending for free! </p>

<p>I’ll keep yall updated if i get in :)</p>

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<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/468512-revival-middle-class-black-posters-60.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/468512-revival-middle-class-black-posters-60.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>See post #887 and 889.</p>

<p>Ooops! That’s North Dakota State U.</p>

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<p>eab, UND is no more diverse than SDSU (in fact, maybe less so if that is possible – there is a reason they may offer you free tuition). I assume you are deposting at SDSU as well.</p>

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<p>I second intparent. Please make sure that you deposit to SDSU. I think that you will have a positive experience there, because you now sound focused on working hard and doing a good job.
The school has a lot of clubs so you should not have a problem making friends, even though they may initially be ignorant of cultural differences.
I am glad that you mom is up to visiting the campus, and this way you will “have the college experience” that you want.</p>

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<p>@shrinkrap : haha I remember you from last year & my howard u threads :)i was so closevto applying to ndsu but they dont offervmy major…it’s nice bc.it’s in fargo.</p>

<p>@intparent &mizzbee: yes, ill be making a deposit at sdsu. But apparently you dont need to bc the school covers my expenses .Ill double check for housing.</p>

<p>I feel like sdsu has.nicer facilities&food than und…and.it’s less cold :stuck_out_tongue: but.UND is ranked higher than sdsu.I cant even find sdsu’s national ranking.:confused: I suppose I’m just worried about it looking better to transfer from UND than SDSU.Btw, my next door neighbor is black & goes to und.</p>

<p>Also, would somebody mind taking a lokk at SDSU’s course catalog?.i was kinda disappointed bc there doesnt srem to be a ton of variety. The.also dont have many “inteo course titles” idk how I will be able to sync the courses at where.i want to transfer w/ SDSU’s…but then again what.do I know? Im only a HS student…lol :p</p>

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<p>[South</a> Dakota State University - acalog ACMS?](<a href=“South Dakota State University - Acalog ACMS™”>South Dakota State University - Acalog ACMS™) </p>

<p>^sorry for double posting im on my phone typing this.</p>

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<p>In general, when transferring most colleges will want to see that you have taken most of the general ed required courses. I just quicly looked at the gen ed requirements for SDSU and they are great for transfer. What I found when transferring from a large state u to a small LAC was that the more unusual stuff (public health policy, etc) did not transfer. Some places will not allow you to transfer with less than 18 hours and many will require that you transfer before you get 60-64 hours. </p>

<p>Of course, I am hopeful that you will love your current school. After all, transfers generally do not get decent financial aid.</p>

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<p>Eastafrobeauty- I’m not a parent. I’m a senior in high school who lurks on this board because these parents tend to be quite wise! But I have followed this thread, and I just wanted to tell you that you are one of the most eloquent and determined young ladies I have come across on CC. You have the perspective to understand where your mother is coming from and the passion to pursue your dreams even though the road is bumpy. You are intelligent and driven, and it’s my opinion that ANY institution will be lucky to have you. I know you will succeed as long as you don’t allow your past mistakes to get you down. Good luck.</p>

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<p>

Are you sure?</p>

<p>[Economics</a> Fact Sheet](<a href=“http://www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/academic/factsheets/ag/econ.shtml]Economics”>http://www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/academic/factsheets/ag/econ.shtml)
[Accounting</a> Fact Sheet](<a href=“http://www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/academic/factsheets/bus/accounting.shtml]Accounting”>http://www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/academic/factsheets/bus/accounting.shtml)
[Finance</a> Fact Sheet](<a href=“http://www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/academic/factsheets/bus/finance.shtml]Finance”>http://www.ndsu.edu/ndsu/academic/factsheets/bus/finance.shtml)

The SDSU website has always been pretty hard to navigate. You need to click the “go” button next to the dropdown list of catalogs in order to see the 2010/11 catalog.</p>

<p>Still, I don’t really understand what you are talking about. What courses are you looking for that aren’t available?</p>

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<p>@mizzbee: really??! that way I will try to get my genEds cleared out of the way during my first 1-2 years then.
@aleader: thank you so much for the kind words :)</p>

<p>@noimagination: ikr? SDSU’s website is so hard to navigate. ugh i kinda hate it haha :/</p>

<p>but if I do plan on transferring …i want to take a “rigorous courseload” (That’s manageable w/o killing myself of course :D). So what courses should i be taking besides the ones that interest me & genEds? what counts as challenging college classes? I think I might sign up for their honors college program my second semester…if possible.</p>

<p>Last night I got in touch w/ a fmr SDSU student that graduated last year & now lives in NYC (or CT can’t remember)…he says that he really liked it & answered many of my questions honestly.</p>