I am applying to GOOD schools, including some ivies, so I was wondering how my essay was. I don’t think it’s that great, but what do you guys think?
This essay addresses the first prompt of the Commonapp.
Wiping the sweat off my brow, I stepped out of the car, my nerves tingling with anticipation. This is it, I said to myself. I was nervous, of course, but I knew that I had trained long and hard to get here, and I deserved it. All of those hours slaving away on the sweaty blue mats were finally culminating into what would soon be a single moment of glory; I was about to become a black belt.
I had begun karate lessons at the age of seven, and I had enjoyed the grace and elegance of the sport from the beginning. A combination of floridity and force, each punch and kick from the higher belts made me yearn for the next level. I often daydreamed about the day when I could roundhouse above my head and smash the punching bags backwards into the wall. As I went from yellow belt to green belt, and then from green belt to purple belt, I saw myself stepping ever-closer to what I sought.
In the middle of each of our everyday lessons, the instructor would sit down with us and tell us stories and repeat proverbs in order to attempt to instill a sense of righteousness, honor and morality into us. I often would only half-hear the advice because I was so eager to get back onto the mats, but as the years progressed, I developed a deep sense of what was right, and often felt great waves of guilt when I told even the smallest lies.<br>
Feeling all of my past experiences pushing me forward into the building, I stepped in and walked slowly over to where the rest of the soon to be black belts stood. We all sat down and the ceremony began. The head of the school, a sixth-degree black belt, stood up and began to call out names. I sat in a state of absolute suspense, waiting for him to entice me forward. When I heard NAME REMOVED, my heart came close to stopping. Stumbling forward with a half-grin on my face amidst heavy clapping from the audience, I gazed at my instructors face as he tied the belt around my waist. I was finally a black belt. The realization of the enormity of the situation suddenly struck me as I sat back down among the other ecstatic students. I could now instruct; I was no longer purely a student.
The ceremony wrapped up and everyone else quietly chattered as they walked towards the exit. Receiving a hug from my mom and a look of approval from my dad, we promptly walked into the night air. I cant remember if it was cold; my accomplishment surged the heat of pride throughout my body.