Please score my Sat Essay

<p>Is it wise to be suspicious of the motives or honesty of other people, even those who appear to be trustworthy?</p>

<pre><code>The definition of a “trustworthy” person, implies that they should be trusted in all circumstances. However, in both literary and historical examples it is clear that even seemingly trustworthy people can have malevolent intent. It is wise to be suspicious of the motives of people who appear to be trustworthy, as shown in the examples of Hitler, The Lord of the Rings and Merchant of Venice.

The life of Hitler as Germany’s leader shows how seemingly honest people can have bad intent. In his early days as a politician, Hitler seemed honest and thoughtful. He wanted to restore the glory of Germany. However, it was clear once he came to power that his sole purpose was to exact revenge on the countries that had harmed Germany, no matter the cost. Hitler led the people of Germany into a great war and ultimately lost, putting immeasurable hardship on the citizens of Germany. By not being suspicious of the motives of the young Hitler, the German people were exposed to a wide variety of pains.

Moreover, the character of Gollum in J.R.R Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, shows how one should be suspicious of people who say they’re honest. Gollum is a pitiful creature whose only desire in life is to have his ring. He meets up with Frodo, who has the ring, and promises that he will help destroy the ring. Gollum tells Frodo about a secret entrance into the land of Mordor, and Frodo, who believes Gollum, takes it. In reality, the secret entrance was guarded by a gigantic spider who almost killed Frodo. Although it seemed as though Gollum was doing a good deed, in face all he wanted the ring for himself.

Likewise, the character of Shylock in the play Merchant of Venice, by William Shakespeare, also proves how seemingly honest people can be deceiving. The protagonist, Bassanio, receives a loan from Shylock in order to propose to Portia. Shylock agrees to give the money with no interest rate, a seemingly good gesture, but also stipulates that he is entitled to a pound of Bassanio’s flesh as collateral. Bassanio takes the deal because he is sure he will be able to repay Shylock, however he soon becomes destitute and must let Shylock take a pound of flesh. Shylock shows how even though ones actions might seem trustworthy, one should still be suspicious of their motives.

People are often adept at hiding their true feelings. People can often seem to have well intentioned motives, when, in fact, they do not. As seen in the examples of Hitler, The Lord of the Rings and the Merchant of Venice, one should always be suspicious of people, even if they’re trustworthy.
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<p>bump********</p>

<p>This looks much too polished for a 25 minute essay.</p>

<p>Word did auto-correct like 2 or 3 words, but the rest of it is what i wrote in the 25 minutes</p>

<p>it is a 12 essay for sure</p>

<p>I wouldn’t score it a 12, because you used your examples as proof of your one basic idea, but you did not really explore that idea in depth. What makes people trust someone like Hitler? There are many reasons: flaws in the character and reasoning of the audience, tricks of deception used by the deceiver. How did Shylock and Hitler achieve their ends? And what about self-deception?</p>

<p>While the essay has a strong fragrance of test-prep formulaic structure and coherence, the sentence structure and diction are strong and the examples are significant. Although Hitler is appropriate, he is mega-overused. If you want an example from politics, what about something more current…like the presidential election?</p>

<p>I’d rate this a 10.</p>

<p>I would also give this a 10 because of its general effectiveness. While the essay does have a few logical inconsistencies that have already been mentioned, the general idea suffers little from these mistakes. Also, I am not sure how important grammar is for the essay, but you should watch your punctuation. Eventually you will become more fluent in writing with proper punctuation and without extensive proofreading. (you won’t have a lot of time on the test, obviously.)
I’ve taken the SAT twice so far, and my first essay received an ‘8’ which dragged my writing score down to a 680. (the low essay score was, in all likelihood, less-than-perfect for the same reasons yours would be). After 3-4 practice exams I finally became proficient at writing the essays that they tend to give 12s. In the second official test I took I got an 800 writing with a 12 on the essay.</p>

<p>@GodelEscherBach: Could you please show us your 12 essay?</p>