Please somebody tell me if my essay is a-ok

College Essays
1

Yo I am trying to apply to Purdue by November 1 because I think I have a great chance at a scholarship. The only thing left, is to make sure my Common App essay is ok! Please tell me what you think about my ideas :slight_smile:

*I will say how my ACT improved from a 24 to a 27 to show I have improved in school
*I will point out that this past year I got like half H’s and half G’s and half E’s (important to note that my GPA is on an A-Z scale)
*I will write in my intro about how I volunteered at my local food pantry one day when I was 14 and the experience very much changed me when I realized I changed the homeless for the betterbecause they weren’t so hungry anymore
*Then, in my conclusion, I will write about the one time when my English teacher kept me after school one day to tell me I was a very special boy. From that moment on, I knew I had to get a great education at Purdue.

This is the only school I am applying to because I am fairly certain I will get a scholarship for my ACT and GPA and maybe water polo (I am the best on JV) so please give me advice. I need to get in!

Thanks in advanced!

2

Bump!!!

3

Which of the prompts is this answering?

And WHY are you applying to only one school??? I don’t care how smart you are, how well connected you are, how good an athlete you are, you NEED to give yourself options. Being "the best on JV:–in your school, not the world, guarantees nothing. You need more schools.

OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system…

The idea behind the essay is to let the reader get to know you a little better through your answer to one of a series of prompts… it’s to “give them a reason to say yes” beyond what’s already in your application.

But they know your ACT scores.

They know your H’s and G’s and E’s.

They know about your volunteering, since it’s listed elsewhere on your app.

So all you’re telling them is that somewhere in this country, there’s a teacher who thinks you’re “a very special boy.” And I’m sure you are. But you’ll want to tell them more than that. (And how is that a “conclusion”???)

Choose a prompt. And answer it.

And research a bunch of other schools in addition to Purdue.