Pleeaase Grade My Essay!!

<p>This is my first attempt at an SAT essay, and I didn't really like the prompt, but here it goes:</p>

<p>"Given the importance of human creativity, one would think it should have a high priority among our concerns. But if we look at the reality, we see a different picture. Basic scientific research is minimized in favor of immediate practical applications. The arts are increasingly seen as dispensable luxuries. Yet as competition heats up around the globe, exactly the opposite strategy
is needed."</p>

<p>Assignment: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<pre><code> In today's world, creativity and artistic abilities are being thrown aside because they are becoming less important. The reality is, however, that creativity is needed now more than ever. Mechanic theory has become very common, and therefore, creativity is indispensable in today's world.
</code></pre>

<p>The rural city in which I live has an anual art competition. People from all over teh town display their talents. The artists range from the most artistically inept to the most artistically adroit. A panel of three judges scores the works of art, and a winner is declared. If one was to walk into the room during the competition, he would see a room full of Rembrandts and Monets. Almost everybody in the room would have painted or sculpted a piece of art that a different artist had created before. Only one person in the room created their own work, and that is why he won the competition. The judges calmly declared that the judging was easy. They look for creativity, and only one person showed creativity worthy of the award. In essence, creativity won the prize. </p>

<p>In high school, I play for the school soccer team. During our practices, we have to play one on one, trying to get past the defender, while keeping possession of the soccer ball. There are those students who merely watch professional sports and try to mimic moves of professionals, and there are those boys who creatively make up their own moves in attempts to beat the defenders. My coach, after seein the failures of the mechanic athletes, tersely says, "Be creative." One can clearly see the difference between creative play and mechanic play. </p>

<p>Conclusively, these paradigms provide evidence that creativity is indeed becoming needed in today's world. While these examples are merely at the local level, there are still many areas in the world that are deprived of creativity. It is, none-the-less, one of the most important ideas in the world today. </p>

<p>Score out of 12, and any other advice. I barely finished, so couldn't check it over. Thanks!!</p>

<p>decent. 9-10</p>

<p>thanks, anyone else have any ideas?</p>

<p>dont use the word conclusively in the future</p>

<p>Yeah, I wasn't sure about the use of it, but somebody had told me it was a good word to use. I thought it wasn't good because it was an adverb though.</p>

<p>Its unneccesary and looks awkward. The sentence would read fine if you omitted it and just began "These paradigms</p>

<p>This is probably an 8/12. Also, you're using 'paradigm' incorrectly. Please don't use words that you don't know the meaning of :(</p>

<p>8/12.</p>

<p>The first example doesn't say why creativity is important. Sure, it won someone an award, but people give out an award to the best air-guitarist every year, and that doesn't mean the air-guitar is important. Is this example made up?</p>

<p>The second example is good.</p>

<p>You have some misspellings, but I assumed those are typoes. None-the-less is one word. Paradigm is used incorrectly. Definitely don't use conclusively.</p>

<p>I don't understand your use of "mechanic" at all. What is "mechanic theory?" And "mechanic play" should probably be "mechanical play," unless there's a definition of mechanic I'm not aware of.</p>

<p>I think "In high school" should be "At my high school," but I'm not completely sure.</p>

<p>Your grammar and everything is fine for the most part, but you need a better example.</p>