<p>I'm a junior and I pretty much have to go to college. That is what is expected of me. I will be embarrassed if I have to go to a CC, so I need to go to a four year university, preferrably OOS. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I used to be a good student, but not anymore. I went to an elite private school my first two years of school and had a 3.7gpa. I got mostly A- grades and some varied Bs. Also a C+ one semester of AP European History. I was really disappointed in myself for my low grades. Then I moved to a public school because I was unhappy and I didn't want to pay for school. I thought it would be easier and I would make all As. But I had 8 classes and made 5 As, 2 C+s and 1 C. I had a 79.09 in APUSH (Because I failed the final), a 78% in Precalculus (tested poorly, forgetful about simple extra credit opportunities) and a 70% in Chemistry (failed final, it was counted as a C and not C- because Chemistry is weighted such that any grade above a 65% is a C). My gpa is now a 3.51. I wanted to show improvement in my classes, but I am not showing improvement. I do not feel like going to school. I do not feel like doing my work. I do not feel like going to college, I don't really feel like living. I've told my parents, but they aren't going to do anything about it. They also will not provide me with extra help (tutoring) because they think I just need to work harder, and don't want to pay even though they could. </p>
<p>I have experienced a severe drop in motivation between when I was a freshman and now. I can't make myself care about anything. I would rather not get out of bed in the morning, and I am embarrassed about my poor performance in school. I am forgetful and I do not like to communicate teachers when I need help because I am nervous socially, especially when it comes to authority. I feel like there is no way I can get in to college with my grades because I am actually showing a downward trend from freshman year to now. Every year my grades drop substantially. </p>
<p>I always read that you can explain grade drops with family issues, etc. But I'm not sure if I have a valid excuse. I have had issues at home, but I can't just bring them up on my application. When I was 11, home problems lead to child protective services coming to my home and interviewing my whole family. My parents told me to lie to CPS, and they closed our case. The problems did not stop, but I never reported them because I knew that if I did, our whole family would fall apart, we would lose all of our money, and we'd all be embarrassed and I couldn't afford to do the things that I love. Based on what I read, if I reported the issue to law enforcement, my brother and I would probably be removed from our parent's home. The problems still continue, and it bothers me every day, but there is no way I could talk about them in a college application because there is no record of anything happening - I didn't report it. Also, I feel like if I just reported it now, mid-junior year, that would seem suspicious because my grades have dropped and I need some explanation. </p>
<p>In the end, I think I am just making excuses in my mind. I really am a terrible student and don't deserve most of the things I have, or to go to college. If I could drop out I would because I hate school and I don't like seeing all these people every day. I am the worst student out of all of the people that pretend to be my friends. I just have no idea how I'll get in to college with my grades, or what I will do. If I can get in to a good college and move away, I think I'd probably be happier, and I'd be away from my problems at home. But I already have 4 Cs on my transcript, and I'll probably get more no matter how hard I try.</p>