<p>As a mom of an incoming freshman son, who happens to be Jewish, I would find the situation untenable and would most likely intervene and have the roommate changed. (Although my son would probably protest, I think through discussion he would come to understand our point of view.) You can never be sure that your roommate won't be a bigot, or anti-semite, but here it is very clear. I would want to give my son every chance to have a positive experience.</p>
<p>Ctymom - my D (rising senior) has been excellent friends with her roommate (also teammate) since sophomore year of college. The two of them talked a LOT during freshman and sophomore years before agreeing to room together during junior year (last year). Roommate is an international student from a lovely family. </p>
<p>My D was filing out her absentee ballot for the presidential election, and her political leanings are very conservative. Roommate looked on, and ultimately commented that in her opinion, and in the opinion of most people of her country, the U.S. deserved to be attacked on 9/11, and Bush invited it. A very spirited discussion followed, but they eventually resolved it without parental input, and they are still roommates and close friends. They both learned a lot from that exchange. I think that this young lady was simply trying on new words, ideas, etc., without any depth of understanding, just to see how they "fit", and the young man who is to be your son's roommate may be doing the same thing.</p>
<p>Just wanted to add a couple more thoughts.
I shared this story with my husband who suggested that the "link" may not have been totally intended. He said he'd contact the roommate, via email, and ask an open-ended question:
"Saw your link to xxxxxx". What's up with that?"
This way you don't put the roommate on the defensive right away and give him a chance to explain why/how it got there and perhaps more information indicating his true opinions.</p>
<p>I wish your son the best of luck with this. What an interesting learning experience this will be for him. Sounds like your family is handling this very well. I think it was right of you to take it seriously enough to investigate further. Keep us posted.</p>
<p>nngmm, post #35 also contains this statement:
[quote]
He linked to it from his own site, and he put a link to his site in The Facebook. Other inoffensive, simply political sites are linked to his site.
[/quote]
The anti-semitic content is NOT on the kid's site, it is merely on a site that he linked to - the other sites he linked to are "innofensive, simply political"... hence my questions. </p>
<p>If I had a web site that had a page that said, "Views about Zionism" and it linked to 10 sites, one of which was offensive - that would not necessarily mean that I subscribed to the views. You wouldn't even know from my list how carefully I had chosen the links - a careless person might just run a Google search and link to the first 10 sites without really paying attention to or understanding the content. In fact, we don't even know from ctymom's post where the offensive content was on the linked site -- was it prominent and obvious? or was it contained in small print lower on the page that a cursory visitor might have missed? </p>
<p>I'm not arguing the point one way or another - but it is very clear to me that Facebook-roommate has a web site that does not contain offensive content, and that he links to a number of different websites, one of which has very offensive content. How & why that link is there is not so clear.</p>
<p>calmom, is it enough to say that it's many, many pages of pure rant about Zionists controlling everything that's wrong with the world and especially in the US? My purpose here is not to get into a discussion about what would constitute a balanced view of Zionism. I guess you'll just have to trust my judgment (or not) when I say that the site I saw was very much "out there" and upsetting to me, and I'm not even Jewish, myself. If you don't find that convincing, well, then I guess that's okay. For the purpose of the discussion here, just substitute whatever you might find truly distressing.</p>
<p>curioser, what you suggest is probably exactly what my son will do. But as for the link's being unintentional, that's unlikely, since the kid's own website is political in nature, and the linked site in question is one of only a handful listed prominently in the left margin of the main page and labelled as a "Must-Read."</p>
<p>ctymom - I have no doubt as to the content of the offensive site -- I'm just asking how clear it is that the roommate's site linking to it reflected HIS opinions. Your comment about the "Must-Read" label on the kid's site does give some indication that it IS intentional -- assuming that the other sites or text on the kid's website are consistent in terms of view point. (If the other sites under the "must read" label represent pro and con viewpoints, then it would be a different story - more like the example I provided.)</p>
<p>I am Jewish by the way and I am sure that I probably would find the site exremely offensive, but I also know that there is a tremendous amount of ignorance and there are people even today who believe that the protocols of the elders of zion is a genuine document. Not everyone knows the history, and some people are just very stupid and gullible. That's why I asked for more context about what was on the kid's site.</p>
<p>So you are saying that if your son were assigned to room with a student who believed in and promoted anti semite views and behavior you would be alarmed? Promoted that this caused our 911 attacks? You seem skeptical I don't understand why.</p>
<p>Hi citymom, I'm late to this topic and just now reading it. I used to see your posts on the Tulane thread when my S was considering it for college. I wanted to weigh in. After reading all 4 pages of posts, I must agree that evitjr has the best advice. Get the move done now, before school starts. He's not going to be able to reason with this guy, just as some goofy parents can't be reasoned with (I teach school, also).
As evita points out, this will avoid any awkwardness or bitter feelings, and they won't have to dodge each other on campus or have confrontations. With a small school like Tulane, that could very well happen. Best of luck and you sound like a caring, good parent to me.</p>
<p>My thought is that this link may be the tip of the iceberg...many bigots are not in "in your face" types but can be insidious.</p>
<p>This would concern me...and I agree I would make the change now.</p>
<p>If the student posted the link and felt comfortable doing so for all the world to see, I can't imagine what he would find offensive</p>
<p>Maybe, just maybe the student, once in college will learn to accept others, but that is doubtful.</p>
<p>I still think about the friends roommate may have. </p>
<p>And your son can either tell roommate why is changing, or not. Stuff happens. It could be a very quiet switch or a statement could be made. </p>
<p>I couldn't live with anyone who had those kinds of prejudices, or even THOUGHT those kinds of beliefs were okay. Tolerance is noble and all that, but to live with someone, well, that would be something I would have to think about.</p>
<p>Hazmat, if it were MY son, and my son had the " gleam in his eye over this because he loves to debate people he thinks are wrong" -- I'd feel sorry for the other kid, no matter how offensive this site. Not to sidetrack the post, but nobody has ever managed to withstand an argument with my kid, going back to kindergarten. </p>
<p>I also would let my son handle it on his own. Though I think the advice to send the "what's up with the link" email to the roommate would be good. I think my son would tend to be more proactive and direct though - he doesn't pussyfoot around in the language he uses to express his opinions.</p>
<p>My own kid would probably end up with just as much potential conflict if asked to room with a born-again Christian or a Bush Republican -- that is, someone with perfectly acceptable but contrary political or religious views. </p>
<p>But that's not the point. It's not my son. I'm just asking for more clarification as to context. I'm not so ready to jump to conclusions without seeing the actual sites.</p>
<p>Hey there Calmom.....I gottcha. I guess we can all wait for the updates.</p>
<p>I've debated about sharing this -- It's not exactly your s's situation. But maybe there are enough similarities that your S can decide if he could live like this.</p>
<p>My S only learned about his situation several weeks into the school year, and accidentally. S is a Christian. His roommate was the son of a preacher. Match made in heaven??? S was asleep in bed one Friday evening -- beds are lofted, lights were out, S wasn't visible. RM enters room with several friends, doesn't turn on light. Says, "We have to hide this. My roommate would probably have a fit. He's one of those Bible Thumpers." (Not sure what this means. RM would have seen S reading his Bible, or getting up early on Sundays, but he's not one to be confrontational about religion.) The other kids then start making fun of my S, and one of them grabs S's Bible (at the side of his bed) and says, "Let's hide it." They continued in this vein for a few minutes making fun of S and Christianity in general, and planning things to do to my S. S is laying in bed, now awake and in shock, and trying to figure out if he should announce himself or not. He chose not to, because he didn't see what he had to gain, besides starting a confrontation he didn't want.</p>
<p>S looked around the room later, and found several bottles of liquor, that he left alone. Was glad it wasn't drugs. I was concerned (almost posted here to ask for advice when it happened) that S would get in trouble, too, if "contraband" was found in a shared room. Asked him to tell RA or something if he ever found anything "worse."</p>
<p>S called me the next day to talk about it. Said he'd decided that he had to live with the guy, and wasn't ever going to bring it up at all. Said he was glad to know the other kid's opinion of him, and he wouldn't waste time trying to be best friends. He spent the rest of the year being nice to the guy, inviting him places - like out to eat when I visited, or on S's birthday, or offering to help him in a subject RM was struggling with - knowing in advance the kid would refuse. Kid was never ugly to S's face, and S never let on that he'd been in the room. </p>
<p>S never asked me to intervene, and I never offered. Christians are tolerated at this school, but not necessarily encouraged, so I'm not convinced anyone would have cared. I was proud of my s's response to the situation. I would not have done as well.</p>
<p>Not exactly the OP's situation, but I just wanted to share a situation where the kid had to live with someone hostile to his beliefs. (By the way, my S is one of the nicest, most accepting kids I know, and has many, many friends who are of different "persuasions" be they religious, political, academic, etc.) This is NOT a situation I would have wished for my S, and given the oppotunity to avoid it in advance, I would have.</p>
<p>By the way, I'm not entirely certain, but on facebook, I think there is one section of "clubs" that anybody can put you on. Kids do it as jokes to each other. I definitely think you should ask this kid in advance if this link meant he was going to have trouble with a Jewish roommate. Freshman year is stressful enough. If your S wants to argue, he'll find plenty to do it with, without having to come "home" to it all the time. Hope you get it all straightened out, so you can look forward to the fall without a sense of dread.</p>
<p>Ctymomteacher:
Based on what you reported, alarm bells were ringing in my head as soon as I read your original post. My husband's point of view was that there may be another side to this story and that the potential roommate should be given the benefit of the doubt (ie binx's post). But perhaps he doesn't deserve it.
H's other comment was it was odd that someone with such an anti-semitic attitude would choose the university he did. </p>
<p>I truly hope you are able to resolve this and feel excited about the coming year without this to worry about.</p>
<p>ctymomteacher,</p>
<p>I hope you will take this in the helpful, cautious (and yes, lawyerly) spirit offered, since I don't know you and can't see the offending site. But your statement earlier,</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>Other inoffensive, simply political sites are linked to his site.<<</p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>Impels me to caution: please be sure before taking this further, that the potential roommate was not merely offering his viewers an overview of the many POVs on these thorny issues. Generally my experience in the past has been that people who have extreme views have blinders on and both are unable to and don't point others to places where they can also get rational, inoffensive information. The fact that he has apparently done so makes me wonder. </p>
<p>I think those who've counseled that your son contact him first and ask obliquely about the website references, are giving good advice.</p>
<p>Binx, your son behaved in the true spirit of Christ's teachings - I hope he said a prayer for the roommate who felt so compelled to become part of "the group" that he belittled a person he had to look in the face every day!</p>
<p>I've posted before, but I suspect this year's crop of parents may have missed it - my D had a similar situation last year.</p>
<p>Initially, it appeared she was facing a case of Boston reared east coast liberal jew meets conservative evangelical from SW Kansas. It turned out to be that, and more. Roomie grew up in a town of a few hundred, so she had, to put it mildly, a different set of social skills, and was pretty introverted, rarely leaving the room and not socializing much with anyone, much less my D. She even had her own message board on the door, on which she wrote Ann Kolter quotes etc.</p>
<p>A few days after settling in, m D started finding nasty comments on roomie's message board. Then kids came around looking for her. Turns out that during the summer, roomie had posted, on the new students message board run by the U, comments that others took to be racist and bigoted. I never saw the stuff first hand, but personally ran into students, friends of D, that had seen it, and they all thought it was a bit extreme, perhaps beyond the point of free speech and into the hate speech category (not career enhancing...)</p>
<p>To make matters worse, she refused to discuss her writings, and would not engage her classmates at all. </p>
<p>She moved to a single at the end of the first quarter.</p>
<p>heidi, I'm sure he only meant those in Ohio and Tennessee.</p>