Practice Essay

<p>Hello, CC community! After a few months of lurking on these forums, I decided to create an account to aid me in my endeavor of studying for the SAT. I took my first practice test today and I would like to get opinions on the essay I wrote for the writing section as to get an accurate view on my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to this particular portion of the test.</p>

<p>Thanks to all who help me in gauging my writing ability by grading this essay! :)</p>

<p>Assignment: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>In a world where order must be maintained to prevent anarchy, authority is important in helping to keep the masses of people "in-line". There is; however, a fine line between being ordered to maintain peace and security for those around you, and being ordered to mindlessly follow a totalitarian government which has nobody's best interest at heart. It is for the sole purpose of keeping this line intact that the decisions of people in positions of authority must be questioned when the need to do so arises.</p>

<p>In nations across the world, there are corrupt governments and government officials who opress their people because the citizens of these particular nations were too passive to question the authority and the powers of their leaders. Many leaders throughout history presented to us how unchecked power could take a turn for the worse. Leaders of yesterday such as Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong may have worked towards what they thought was the benefit of their people all led horrible campaigns because their people never questioned their decisions.</p>

<p>This is also evident in the warring nations of the Middle East today. Totalitarian leaders such as Assad of Syria and Gaddafi of Libya led vast armies against and attacked their own people because nobody ever stepped up to their authority and asked, "Are you doing what is right?" It is because this is happening across across the world in distant lands that they should provide examples to people in even seemingly "safe-from-dictatorship" countries such as the United states and United Kingdom to always question the decisions of leaders when doubt rises against their actions.</p>

<p>Nations have risen and fallen, been built and destroyed, been saved or left for ruin, because of the amount of power that their people choose to exert upon their leaders. Whether it be the overwhelming presence or disparingly lacking presence of this power of the people, it is always a deciding factor in the fat of nations. Not only does this make it important for people to question the authority of their leaders when the need arises, but it is this questioning that makes it possible to maintain the well-being of these people and those around them.</p>

<p>Well, that's the essay, I made sure I typed everything <em>exactly</em> like I wrote it, so their are no typos. Be harsh, and again, thanks to everyone who takes the time to grade this. All help is appreciated :)</p>

<p>2 days without a grade, I assume it’s fine to bump now o.O</p>

<p>Bumpity bump</p>

<p>Seems like everyone with a practice essay is getting their essay scored while mine collects dust. Must be the curse of being a newbie :(</p>

<p>Bump!</p>

<p>To the contrary, I’ve been reading it intently. I don’t just skim these things!</p>

<p>This is a three (and not because of typos or punctuation errors).</p>

<p>If you were to work backward and outline this essay, how would you do it?</p>

<p>Before I spend any more time reading and making notes on this essay, please indicate that you’ve the comments I’ve already made.</p>

<p>Wow, 3/6 :o Granted, it is my first essay but I didn’t think I did that badly :P</p>

<p>You mentioned typos and punctuation errors, do I have many of them? Is it something I should work on to improve my score in the future?</p>

<p>As for your question, I don’t quite understand it. Do you mean I should read over my body and then check to see if it matches with my opening paragraph? If that’s what you mean, then, come to think of it, I guess it doesn’t really match up because I didn’t state in the first paragraph what I would be talking about in the rest of the essay.</p>

<p>I really appreciate your help and will take anything you can offer me. It’s especially great to see the critique after waiting days to see some kind of remarks :)</p>

<p>You mentioned typos and punctuation errors, do I have many of them? Is it something I should work on to improve my score in the future?</p>

<p>Punctuation and spelling rank last in importance on any timed essay.</p>

<p>I didn’t state in the first paragraph what I would be talking about in the rest of the essay. </p>

<p>That’s not what I’m referring to. (In fact, don’t do this on the SAT no matter how many teachers have incorrectly told you to.)</p>

<p>I’m asking whether you have both reasons AND evidence. There’s a difference.</p>

<p>It’s especially great to see the critique after waiting days to see some kind of remarks</p>

<p>Well I don’t come here all that often as I have students of my own who consume much of my time. However, I do enjoy helping so once in a while I’ll log on.</p>

<p>I spent some time on your paper but I’m reluctant to post it publicly for a couple reasons. If you’d like, I can send it to you via PM.</p>

<p>Granted, it is my first essay but I didn’t think I did that badly</p>

<p>There’s one dealbreaking problem. Aside from that, however, I can tell by your phrasing that you’ll end up with AT LEAST a four on the real thing.</p>

<p>Yes, please! That would be great.</p>

<p>Okay…one moment please.</p>

<p>Hey Jeremy, could you take a look at my essay? </p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1530862-can-you-please-grade-my-sat-essay.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1530862-can-you-please-grade-my-sat-essay.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Hi JohnTee:</p>

<p>I’ve just read and commented on your essay in the thread you referenced in the link.</p>