Please Grade/Give Feedback on My SAT Practice Essay?

<p>This is my first time doing a practice SAT essay. I finished with 8 seconds to spare, so I couldn't fix some of the very obvious grammar/word choice issues in my essay. I'd appreciate any feedback and grading!</p>

<p>Prompt: “Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge- even if they are experts or leaders in their fields- makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.”
Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in authority?</p>

<p>My Essay (exactly as I wrote it, with bad grammar and all):</p>

<p>Although popular thought in our culture dictates that those who are in charge are right, this is an outdated thought that diminishes change from occurring. It is important to be critical of, and question those in authority. This can be illustrated in the historical examples of the Nazi Regime and the Civil Rights Movement within the U.S.</p>

<p>The Nazi Regime that began in Germany and grew power before and during WWII is a prime example of when harm occurred due to the lack of questioning of authority. When Adolf Hitler gained power in Germany and began implementing anti-Semitic laws, no one protested. There were many people who knew these laws were discriminatory and wrong, but they did not speak up against the government. Those who were Jewish feared their lives and didn't want to draw attention to themselves. Those who weren't Jewish didn't want to criticize the government, since they weren't being targeted. The lack of resistance allowed the Nazi Regime to grow uncontrollably, and it eventually carried out the Holocaust. Because the people Germany didn't question those in power, they allowed the deaths of millions of people in horrible, inhumane conditions.</p>

<p>The Civil Rights Movement of the 1920s in America is an example of when questioning authority led to positive, progressive change. African-Americans were sick of being segregated against. They faced an unsupportive and unsympathetic government that refused to directly help them. So, the African-Americans took action themselves. By hosting sit-ins at restaurants, boycotting the public bus system, and leading protests, these brave men and women challenged the laws and cultural norms of their day. Many were beaten by racist whites or police, or thrown in jail. These African Americans questioned authority to create a better society for themselves, and they gained desegregated public facilities and more equality as a result.</p>

<p>It is important to criticize those in power when they are wrong or misguided, or those in power will never change their ways. Often times, doing so will create better situations for all.</p>

<p>8/12</p>

<p>@jen1256ha what improvements could I make to get a 12?</p>

<p>A transition between paragraphs, more developed introductory and concluding paragraphs (but I liked your concluding sentences), a little bit more analysis rather than just a description of evidence in each body paragraph</p>

<p>(Experience: I scored an 800 on my SAT writing section)</p>

<p>I really liked your word choice and sentence variation! (Just one nitpicky note: You misused the word, “diminish,” in your introductory paragraph.)</p>

<p>@jen1256ha Yeah I realized after reading through it that the word I was after was “prevents” haha. Thank you for your advice!</p>

<p>Bump, any chance I could get more feedback from other people?</p>