Prep School Alumni: Did going to a top-ranking prep school benefit you in any way? How did it not?

Prep School Admissions
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As a student interested and currently applying to a few top-tier prep schools, I’ve been researching about all of these schools, due to the fact that boarding school would be a huge sacrifice for me.

I’ve read some accounts from prep-school alumni about how great going to a school like Exeter, Andover, St. Paul’s, etc. was, and how much they benefited from the teachers, the programs, etc. They gushed about how, at prep school, they formed life-long friendships and excelled academically and socially. They discussed how Exeter and Andover provided many opportunities for them, and reminisced fondly about good memories they had from Exeter.

On the flip side, I’ve also read many negative accounts from current students and alumni, who say that they weren’t fit for prep school, and became very stressed out, which caused their grades to slip. They also said that going to a school like Exeter or Andover decreased their chances of going to an Ivy-League college, and one mother said that a college counselor from a prestigious prep school (I think Exeter?) told her son that the local public university was going to be a reach school for him.

In conclusion, I’d just like to hear opinions from prep school alumni about their experience at a top-tier prep school.

For example:
Did going to prep school benefit you in the long term? If not, why?
Did going to prep school make it more difficult for you to go to the college you wanted to go to?
On a scale of 1-10, how much stress and pressure is placed upon prep school students?
What were the best things of prep school, for you?
What were the worst things of prep school, for you?
If you were given the opportunity to travel back in time to when you were applying to prep school, would you or would you not apply to prep school, and why?
What type of students do you believe do well in your prep-school?

This a very lengthy post, so sorry for that! I appreciate any thoughts or comments, and though it’d be nice, you don’t need to answer all the questions, you can just choose a few that you’d like to answer. :slight_smile:

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Your question is impossible to answer, but I’ll give you my perspective (the caveat being that I graduated 15-20 years ago, and things change):

Did going to prep school benefit you in the long term? If not, why?
Yes, because it set me on a path I wouldn’t have otherwise taken, or necessarily even be aware of as an option. If by “benefit,” you mean strictly in the monetary sense, then no, it didn’t, but I could make a compelling argument for how my experiences there enriched and transformed my life.

Did going to prep school make it more difficult for you to go to the college you wanted to go to?
No - if anything, I don’t think I would have gone to the school I went to had I not gone to boarding school. I also ended up taking a gap year abroad, which was arguably even more transformative than boarding school, and I definitely wouldn’t have done so had I not attended that school.

On a scale of 1-10, how much stress and pressure is placed upon prep school students?
I never felt external pressure - most of my teachers were extremely supportive and genuinely concerned about our well-being. However, there was a fair amount of internal pressure and I stressed myself out. I probably averaged a stress level of 6-7 during most of my time there, but I’m a fairly easy-going person by nature, and definitely knew people who were at levels 9-10 most of the time.

What were the best things of prep school, for you?
I was challenged academically and encouraged to pursue academic/career goals that I would never have considered otherwise. I made some great friends from all different types of backgrounds, which wouldn’t have been possible had I stayed in my hometown.

What were the worst things of prep school, for you?
I made some incredibly poor choices personally, and most certainly would have benefitted from having more parental involvement in my life during that time. Even though my advisor and dorm faculty were aware of some of these issues, they largely left me alone, as my academic and athletic performance wasn’t affected. Even the most caring and attentive dorm faculty are no substitute for a parent.

If you were given the opportunity to travel back in time to when you were applying to prep school, would you or would you not apply to prep school, and why?
I would, because I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have had the experiences, opportunities or friendships I had in my teens/twenties had I not gone to prep school.

What type of students do you believe do well in your prep-school?
Extraordinarily mature kids. More than intelligence or work ethic, emotional resilience and maturity is what separated the most successful students from those who struggled (academically, socially, or personally).

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You comment that going to prep school would be a huge sacrifice for you. Why would you make that sacrifice (in other words, what are you hoping to get out of the experience)? If the sacrifice is so you will get into a better college, that’s too big a gamble and not worth 4 years of sacrifice. If it’s because you want the experience, then that’s something to think about.

I went even longer ago than the last poster. The biggest pro is that I received a phenomenal education and was exposed to many more things both educationally within the classroom and culturally and socially through my very interesting classmates outside the classroom. Even though it was fascinating and a real growth experience for me, I didn’t fit in socially because I was from a different social sphere than most of my classmates and everyone was very aware of everyone else’s financial worth and social importance. If you go to a good prep school, college should be easy because you will be much better prepared than many of your college classmates. But I think it might be harder for you to get into a top college because to some extent you will be competing against your classmates for college admissions, and I do think there is a bias in support of the public schools. Ask how many kids each year go to what colleges. But keep in mind that some of the kids might have admissions advantages that you don’t (athlete, legacy, URM, first generation, child of a rich/famous, etc), and also be sure you see where the kids actually went since last years’ admissions to Harvard, Yale and U Chicago might all be due to the same kid.

I would do it again because I feel like I learned so much and was exposed to so much. But
I certainly wouldn’t do it if it were a huge sacrifice.

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“What type of students do you believe do well in your prep-school?
Extraordinarily mature kids. More than intelligence or work ethic, emotional resilience and maturity is what separated the most successful students from those who struggled (academically, socially, or personally).”

100% times this, @momof3nyc! Couldn’t agree more, and I only attended a independent boarding school abroad for one year in high school, 20+ years ago. These were the kids who were ready for that ‘early college’ type of experience.

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No. I went from kent to Vanderbilt and now my boss never finished high school. It is all what you make of it.

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  • Did going to prep school benefit you in the long term? If not, why? Yes, because my best friend’s father was an entrepreneur and I modeled my business career after his, including a stint as a military officer. Thanks, Big Jim!
  • Did going to prep school make it more difficult for you to go to the college you wanted to go to? The college admissions director at Andover at the time (back when we wrote on shovels with charcoal) told us, “Harvard doesn’t have a quota for Andover students: they just never accept more than 44.”

Last year, Andover graduated over 300 and 10 are attending Harvard. So it appears that at the largest prep schools and most selective colleges, you are competing not only with every other applicant in the world, but also your classmates. Caveat: acceptance at any particular institution does not guarantee happiness, anyway.

  • On a scale of 1-10, how much stress and pressure is placed upon prep school students? Based on my daughter’s experience the last two years at Andover? A lot - there’s a thread about it. It’s too big. Other schools (like Tabor where she attends now) balance learning and living much better.

We’ve been touring lots of schools lately and folks here with Big Eight Itis lose track of the fact that if you send your kid to a school with an average class size of 12, they are going to be learn more than sending them to a public school with 21-26 students per class. Or three dorm parents for 38 girls.

  • What were the best things of prep school, for you? Picked up Lacrosse and that got me into my college of choice.
  • What were the worst things of prep school, for you? Social pressures: which might not have been any different at a HS.
  • If you were given the opportunity to travel back in time to when you were applying to prep school, would you or would you not apply to prep school, and why? Yes, because the academic preparation is almost always superior. Duh: public schools spend $10-18,000 per student and you’re sending your kid to one that spends $35-75,000 per student. Of course they do a better job.
  • What type of students do you believe do well in your prep-school? Students who have spent some time defining goals for themselves. Then they can judge whether any particular school is taking them there most effectively.
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@Garandman I can’t figure out how to PM you…we are still in the decision process and are worried about the stress you mention from Andover. Would love to talk with you about your experience. How do I send a private message?

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@twinmama17 - you need a certain number of posts (maybe 15) to be able to PM. You might be able to do that now.