<p>I would echo the comment made regarding the ratio of boarders to day students. Two of my best friends went to (different) boarding schools - one at a school with very few day pupils, one at a school with a higher proportion. For the second friend, weekends were her least favourite time of the week, since everyone went home and did things with their families while she got lonely at school. For the other friend, weekends were the time when she really got to enjoy herself, since all her friends were still there, and they could do things as a group.</p>
<p>At the "Welcome" meeting for parents at the beginning of my son's school year this past September the headmaster said that the composition of the student body at most boarding schools has changed. He said it is almost entirely kids who WANT to be there. In the past there were many more of what you described- kids who had been sent away or whose parents made the decision. With the social and substance abuse issues in many of even our best public schools, many kids ask for a change in environment. There are definitely some of the same problems at boarding schools- there were many instances of drug and alcohol abuse at one of my son's previous boarding schools. If you go to visit some schools, maybe you will come upon one that makes you feel so comfortable you would turn your kid over to them in a heartbeat. I honestly feel that where my son is now provides so much that he wouldn't get here at home. He is enjoying some weekend excursions into New York City, his athletic coaching and competition is beyond what he has ever had, and he has the utmost respect for every one of his teachers (something that has not been the case in the past). It really is a different world and I do miss him. His coach is also his advisor and history teacher, and emails me frequently to report on successes and news. My son gets up in the morning and runs to his physics teacher's house. The teacher drives him back to campus after stopping at the market so my son can buy a Wall Street Journal. Something about that strikes me as really neat. Karen</p>
<p>I can't wait to see Blair. With my older daughter at Columbia, a school near NYC is perfect!</p>
<p>May I recommend the Hun School of Princeton? It's part of the MAPL League (which includes Lawrenceville, Peddie, Blair, Hill, Hun, and Mercersburg), and it's a feeder school to Princeton as well. Well, it might not officially be a feeder anymore but less I checked we were 3 for 3 this year in Princeton ED with more decisions on the way. It's also pretty much right down the street from Lawrenceville.</p>
<p>Blair is about 75 minutes from New York City, but a lot of the boarders live in NYC or in that northern NJ area. Blair is at the edge of the Poconos near the Delaware Water Gap. I know Hun, Peddie and all the MAPL schools are wonderful.
One interesting point- our educational consultant recommended NOT entering Choate, Exeter et al as a junior. She said you are competing too much against your own classmates for the attention of the guidance counselors and those classmates have been there a couple more years and the faculty knows them a lot better. If you enter as a freshman, it's a whole different story, of course.
My son actually had to drop back and do another junior year to enter Blair. They wanted him for 2 years. So-we get to pay for yet another year of education. It has turned out to be a good thing for him. He is very mature since he is a year older than many of his classmates, and it really benefits him athletically. There were plenty of interesting courses for him to take. Blair is a wrestling powerhouse, and my son's roommate (also a new junior this year) was the national champion in his weight class last year. It is neat to see these dedicated athletes who sacrifice a lot of personal time and even vacations to train at such an elite level. K.</p>
<p>Peddie is another school amazingly high on the lists that I had never heard of. Love what I'm, readong Any thoughts?</p>
<p>Having dealt with top five prep schools, I am going to give you a honest opinion without any kind of tilt.</p>
<p>Do not send the kid to prep school, if college admission is main aim as there are limited seats and many achievers, legacy, famous kids, athelete and URM so competition is very tough. Kid is better off in public school. The time thye put in prep school, they will be number one in most of the public schools. Many people will not agree with me but that is there opinion. I am talking about number one kid in Styversant struggling in top prep in humanities. Scince and math these kids dominates. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>IF MIT or Caltech is main aim, NY City or similar magnet school has better results.</p></li>
<li><p>Life beyond college: here prep school start helping you. Reasons. Think a lot of rich kids are attending a prep school. These kids tend to become CEOs of their company. They need someone they can trust and have seen their potential. THus they hire people whom they have trust and who have helped them in their life (bright kids helping rich kids in home work help). Remember that rich kids do not have to work extremely hard a sthey have means to land good jobs. You can see Bush hiring Andover kids in various positions. Similarly JFK and other past presidents or CEO did the same thing. Clinton also hired people whom he trusted. It is natural phenomenon.</p></li>
<li><p>I am a scince and engineering person, but mostly companies are run by people who are expert in leadearship, thus mathematicain, engineers, economist, even lawyers work for people who have abilities to lead people and delegate. Communication and negotiation skills are far more imopratnt than winning math competition. This skills are hammered in prep school as you are in constantly dealing with life and no one to guide. Some people loose it by going with sex and drugs. while others learn how to deal with it. </p></li>
<li><p>People can be successful in wherever high school or college they went, determination and luck are more important than a place.</p></li>
<li><p>After 30 years when you have kid, you are still asking the question as we try to make our kids life better tahn ours. That is an american dream and thank god this for America.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I wonder why people send their kids to boarding schools. I've never understood it, except in cases where (this has been my only experience with boarding schools: 1. a parent was notoriously famous and the kids went to BS in France to escape a certain father's unflattering publicity; 2. a kid was smart, but easily distracted by boyfriends, partying, etc so her parents (one a co-worker of mine) sent her to BS; 3. parents who are career focused and don't have the time to manage the home effectively for the children. </p>
<p>Why do parents send thier kids away? What can living away from home give them that makes the nurture of parents less valuable? Do parents who have done it regret it when their children are 20 and they relaize that they missed a significant portion of the childhood?</p>
<p>Momsdream:</p>
<p>The decision to send a child to a prep school is a very individual one, and one that is not necessarily limited to the ultra rich. In our case, the local public school option would not have been a good one for our son. Because of the poor quality academics, the reduction in funding for the theater and music programs, and a weak athletic program, we felt that our son may have been the child left behind!</p>
<p>We are fortunate to live close enough to one of the top boarding schools whereby he could attend the school as a day student. He could still live with his nagging (ie; loving) parents, and yet be surrounded by a very diverse group of extremely motivated peers. Had he gone to the local public school, he may have gotten lost in the masses. Instead, he was afforded an opportunity to be challenged, develop into a fine young man, and excell in and out of the classroom. For him, the decision to attend prep school was a good one. It may not be the best decision for everyone, and we understand that every public school is different. </p>
<p>I often see folks on this board denouncing prep schools without really understanding the benefits of such. As Chinaman has said, for most students the benefits extend way beyond college placement! College placement was never our reason for sending him there. It was his choice to attend, and he made the best of it. He was the one that wanted to be surrounded by interesting and motivated students, and indeed he was.</p>
<p>I understand that 1sokkermom, as my public schools system is not an option and I have had to educated my children exclusively in private schools (much to my bank account's chagrin). My question is more related to boarding - where parents send them away.</p>
<p>Depending on where they live, it may be that the local private (day) school options are very limited. (In reality, our only other private school choices were a single Catholic school that is about 20 miles away, or another boarding school where he would have to board.)</p>
<p>Ok, that makes sense. As a big city girl, I often forget that much of our country is challengd by finding excellent educational options. I still find it hard to fathom sending a child away for school. I think I would find it easier to move to a place with better options that to send off the child.</p>
<p>I have never regretted sending my kids to boarding school. My daughter went as a junior so that she could have specialized training in music. She needed to be with "like-minded peers", as we say on this board. I missed her, but it was the right thing for her. I was able to nurture her from afar and by the time she was 16 there wasn't a lot of day to day nurturing going on in our home anyway!<br>
Our public school system is awful, and for various reasons (some his fault and some not) our son exhausted the private school options. The "rich kid" mentality was actually stronger here in our private day schools than it was in his boarding school. He seemed to take "nurturing" better from his advisors at the boarding school than he did from us! The athletic opportunities for him were much better at the boarding school he now attends. I love it so much- I wish I could be there! I miss him and I miss being more involved in "high school life", but this is the way things have worked out for our family.
It IS a very individual decision. Most of the boarding parents I have met are deeply involved with their kids and very supportive of the school.
Karen</p>
<p>Chinaman, when you say top 5, what do you mean? I'm not sure if the boarding review site is to be believe anymore than US News for colleges. Their top 5 are St. Paul's School, St. Alban's School, Groton School, Milton and Phillips Andover Academy.</p>
<p>Momsdream brings up the issue that continues to haunt me. Are these schools good enough to send a child away to? People I respect are telling me yes, that they have unmatched resourses and unmatched student bodies. That for a mature, gifted child, they are a gift. I'd love to hear your view on this Sokkermom1 as you have a unique vantage point.</p>
<p>It 's not a question of Just Add Boarding School to the mix and presto! Ivy admission. As many have said, there are more to the SAT scores and college admit stats than meets the eye. (The staff at these schools seem pretty quick to say don't apply here if you're simply doing so for an auto-Ivy acceptance.). My kids were looking for certain things in their h.s. experience, and happened to find them at boarding school. It's easy to soak up negative stereotypes about boarding schools. (Hollywood certainly reinforces them. Check out the movies set in the 50s like Dead Poets and School Ties. Check out The Emperors Club, where the character you remember is the vile senator and his son, but the one you forget is the idealistic, dedicated teacher. ) But certainly many kids and parents have great boarding school stories as well, but maybe don't share them as readily. I've noticed the negative stories about boarding schools get lots of attention, while people gloss over the fact that there are also perhaps the same number of stories about unhappy, neglected kids and messed up families in other school settings. I will also say that some of the local kids here ended up at HYP while mine didn't apply, so I suppose some will say these kids were more "successful." I don't happen to share that opinion. My kids have experiences the others didn't have and look back with deep satisfaction on their h.s. years. They were profoundly moved and changed. These local kids I knew who ended up at the Holy Grail of Colleges seemed simply relieved to have h.s. over; h.s. was simply something to be endured, a means to an end. Also, the local schools kinda claim credit for these kids' success, while those who know the kids also know there are legacy considerations, etc., involved as well, just like at any school. </p>
<p>I don't think there is one universal "truth" about college placement. SATs and admissions stats never tell the whole story, as everyone knows. No universal "truth" about supervision either. Like at any school, sneaky kids certainly can get away with stuff at boarding schools, but they can get kicked out even days before graduation as well for, say, drinking on a Saturday in their room, something that wouldn't happen at day public or privates. When it came to our decision, we researched a great deal (read some books, including Black Ice by Lorene Carey, Preparing for Power, etc), visited repeatedly, followed our kids' lead after exposing them to this option and finally, took a leap of faith. Once the kids were attending the school, we kept on top of things, traveled to the school quite often for events, etc. We were always prepared to reevaluate along the way should we find anything of concern.</p>
<p>Momstheword, hard to put my finger on why, but the boarding school kids I know appear to be among the happiest and balanced I know. I'm trying to figure out why. Dis they go because they were happy and mature and knew the local high schools would be quickly outgrown? Is getting away from your parents a successfull recipe for a well adjusted life between 14 and 18? At a paety attended by a group of Choate students, there was not an adult who did not comment on how mature, articulate, happy and motivated these kids were. The host told us they were representative of good boarding schools. That there's a reason families in the know have been sending their kids for generations. What do they know?!</p>
<p>As good as we all are at sharing information :), the only real way to get a feel for whether the school is "worth sending a kid away for" is to go visit. Visit a few- walk around- talk to some students. You will know if it feels right.
Karen</p>
<p>Kirmum-- hate to disabuse you, but plenty of teenagers who grow up under their parent's roof turn out happy and balanced as well. </p>
<p>I'm not a member of the prep-school establishment, but my family has been in the know for generations-- teenagers need intellectual stimulation, solid parenting and lots and lots of limits, outlets for fun, and adult role models who can show them appropriate behavior daily. </p>
<p>If your kid finds all of that in a prep school-- great. The implication that the rest of us unwashed are churning out unruly and unbalanced and immature kids who we inflict on the rest of the population due to our crappy parenting and loser high schools... well, not sure that's the case. I have known adults who trace their issues with substance abuse, promiscuity, eating disorders, etc. to patterns developed in prep school, and I know adults who claim that Groton saved their lives due to terrible parenting at home. Just too complicated to generalize. I'm happy we had our kids at home during their teenage years. Less gratifying than toddlerhood and twice as exhausting, but to me, launching your child and seeing them through the tough years is what parenting is all about. And yes.... my kids manage to be happy and balanced despite living with their witch of a mother during their high school years.</p>
<p>I second the notion that its not for all kids, but boarding school can be an invaluable educational option.....For generations all of the boys in my family have gone and I was the first girl to go.....I had much more in common with the girls I met in boarding school compared to the hometown girls......we're all still close friends....My father, brother and cousins all greatly value their boarding school experiences....don't knock it til you've tried it.</p>
<p>The question has come up at our house for 8th grade d. (2nd child). She works hard and excels, has a great group of friends and activities she enjoys. We know what our h.s. is like since s. graduated from there and we have concerns about academics. We know that top boarding schools place far greater emphasis on writing and foreign languages than our local does. As parents, we aren't ready to give up day to day life with our child. We've discussed the possibility of her going, and she says she would miss her friends (hasn't said she'd miss her parents). I'd like to know from parents who have grappled with this question - were your children the driving force behind it? Has anyone had the experience of sending their child only to bring them back home because they didn't adjust? How do you ask a 13 year old to decide, or do the parents make the decision? Has anyone not gone that route and regretted it later? Have you found ways to compromise - keep child in local school but find ways to enrich experience? (I'm constitutionally opposed to summer academic programs - just a quirk of mine - as d. said 'it would seem like punishment'). Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences.</p>