<p>blossom, I'm sure your key life choices are the right ones for you and your family, but I'll go with dke here, I try not to knock things I haven't tried. I'll look forward to the answers to lefthandofdog's questions.</p>
<p>LeftHand, CTY saved our life. Neither kid saw it as punishment; both cried buckets at the end when we picked them up. Don't rule out summer enrichment, although obviously, your daughter needs to be interested in the content and really, really motivated in order to make it work.</p>
<p>We never considered boarding school. I would have sold the house and moved somewhere else, changed jobs, whatever it took if we couldn't find the right solution for them locally. In the end, both commuted out of district for HS which was a huge time commitment and a significant pain, but worth it to be able to meet their needs while still living at home.</p>
<p>Both were well-prepared for college. I don't think my son at MIT has met a single prep school kid but I will ask him.... lots from private day schools and tons from public magnets for math and science as well as plain vanilla HS, but I don't recall anyone from a Choate or Exeter. It's a pretty blue-collar kind of place.</p>
<p>Given the judgemental thoughts that have crept onto this page, I would just like to say that the one clear correlation I am able to make between parents and boarding school kids is that the parents are among the best I know. That is the key reason I'm looking at these schools, some of the brightest, most loving and caring parents I know have chosen this path. I can see that they clearly miss their children but I see their absolute delight in how these gems are developing.</p>
<p>I speak for only me, a not-so-great unwashed, who doesn't have generations of family experience in this matter. My grandparents didn't attend these schools. They quit school at age 7 to dig in the coal mines to provide coal for others. My mom worked in public schools, and so did I. Somewhere along the way, I began to see there were adacemic settings out there that went beyond my own experience, and I was intrigued. I wasn't going to sit around and say, "good enough" regarding the local choices without researching the possibilities out there. I came, I saw, and my H and I took on extra jobs to pay for the experience that I wanted for my kids. Yeah, I could have taken on those extra jobs for other purposes, but whatever. </p>
<p>Anyhoo, I did have my kids at home for some of the time during their high school years. I also entrusted the lights of my life to the care of dedicated people of character and scholarship whom I admire greatly during that time as well. I didn't "miss" out on my kids' childhoods. I experienced them right along with the kids. My family was extremely close knit during that time and continues to be. During their childhoods, my kids had all kinds of real-life experiences, exposure to diverse cultures and politics, exposure to street violence, poverty, etc. They also had an incredible academic experience. </p>
<p>I suppose over the years boarding school admissions officers have figured out some signs that telegraph an applicant is likely to beneifit from the boarding school experience. No one is served if they select kids who are likely to self-destruct at their school. But they do appear to take calculated chances on quirky not totally formed kids who push themselves intellectually and perhaps dance close to the edge of the rug creatively and emotionally. Sometimes these kids are honed and tempered by the environment; sometimes unfortunately, they use the freedom to be dorks and get kicked out. So what? They go home and have fine educations at home. </p>
<p>My kids' boarding school chums were mature. My uneducated guess as to why is that they had guard rails in the form of the fine teachers, knowledgeable academic advisors, spiritual leaders (some on campus, some off, should they have chosen to seek these out--my D did. She'd walk to a local church of her denomination, alone sometimes, sometimes in the company of a peer or two, when she felt in need of Divine guidance during her hs. years), guidance counselors, etc., they were given enough length of rope at a young age not only in the arena of academics, but in other arenas, to learn to trust themselves. (How's that for an unwieldy sentence?) They were able to bounce their decisions off fellow mature, self-reliant peers as well. They weren't in a small pod of like-minded, intellectual elite kids within a giant school and therefore getting a false sense of their intellectual power in relation to others. They were in a mix of brilliant and bright and motivated kids, rich and poor, and found their place in the intellectual strata. I believe there is a synergy in this boarding school atmosphere that contributed to the growth of my kids as well as their friends whom I've met. They are able to build on this early maturity and self-confidence as they hit college and young adulthood as well. Certainly, my kids and I saw kids who didn't mesh well with their schools, both boarding and local day, public and private. It's foolish to think that one sort of setting could serve all families, and I don't imagine anyone here at CC would really think this is the case. But I think it stops short intellectually to simply listen to the look-what-a-rich jerk-so-and-so-is-and-he-went-to-boarding school or they-sent-their-kids-away-and-don't-care-about-them-as-much-as-I-do talk.</p>
<p>I'll say it again. Certainly kids in different ed. settings have thrived and are wonderful people. I've met lots of them. People seem not to want to hear the views of those with boarding school experience, unless they're negative and/or juicy stories, which is why, again, I don't talk about it in real life. Sometimes it seems as hot button a topic as red state/blue state stuff. In the end, it's a choice some make and some of us are glad we have the freedom to choose.</p>
<p>My take on boarding schools is that they turn out students who are more likely to attend top LACs and Ivies than tech schools. The tech schools are more likely to attract students from public magnets such as Stuy or TJ. I'm not sure why; I would hazard that the boarding schools may not be able to address the needs of very strong math/science students because of location issues (i.e., not close to colleges and research universities) but they have much better ways of addressing the needs of students interested in the humanities and social sciences. Of course, there are exceptions. My S has a math-loving friend who attends a NE prep school. </p>
<p>Whether it's summer enrichment camp or boarding school, the kid must want to attend, otherwise the experience will be an unhappy one. In fact, CTY is not very different from boarding school, except that the learning is more intense and students study a single subject for 3 weeks.</p>
<p>Kirmum: has your child ever gone to sleepover summer camp? How has she liked it? What did she like about it? It might give you a clue as to whether she would enjoy being at a boarding school.</p>
<p>kimum:
My kid attends two of the five school on your list. They choose to go their after getting full scholarships. I did not know any thing about prep school till older one attended the CTY on full scholarships. He scroe was one of the top two kids for SAT but did not want to take math and end up taking humanities. Once he went their one of his teacher told us that he needs to look these places. I told him that are you kidding with $32,000 cost. We can not afford. My kid applied in top five school, and got full aid in all of them and left. Younger one chooses the same path. My wife was opposed to it. But since we came to USA, we did not want to come in the way of our kids. Kids are happy. Do we miss them you bet? Will we do it agian yes? If choose to stay in local magnet high school, yes we will let them stay. </p>
<p>Maybe we are bad parent, but our kids happiness is top priority over my happiness. Being an asian, I was raised to give top priority to my kids happiness over mine. And I am not sad with my decisions. Others have right to disgaree with me.</p>
<p>Marite, my daughter has gone to camps and summer programs for several years. She has been the one to push this after spending a weekend with one of my partner's daughter and some friends of hers who attend Choate. I'm the one who was slow off the block to consider this fully, daughter first mentioned the possibility after meeting several girls headed for boarding schools at an East Coast camp.</p>
<p>Thanks momstheword for your thoughtful evaluation. I am intrigued and look forward to visiting some schools.</p>
<p>Kirmum: In that case, you may want to consider: St Paul's, Andover, Exeter, Choate and Hotchkiss. I know of a family who sent all five children to Hotchkiss and have been very happy.</p>
<p>I think there is some stereotyping going on here. There are all kinds of boarding schools. While the top 5 are wonderful schools, there are many more with very different atmospheres. At St. Stephen's in Austin, the kids wear flip flops to class and never touch a tie.<br>
At my son's current school, I get a feeling of real nurturing and passion for the education and emotional growth of the kids
Karen</p>
<p>Chinaman, how did your kids choose a school? They sound just amazing. Karen, how did you choose for your son? I would like to like at about 6 and am not sure where to begin. When I relate this to college I realize how faulty it would be to just look at ratings. Where do I get a broader picture? Thanks for your thoughts Marite, I've spent much of the day researching those schools.</p>
<p>My kids wore flipflops at times at Andover as well. Sometimes pajamas to class. There were nonpajama times as well. My son wore a tie a couple of times during h.s. One time I remember was at graduation.</p>
<p>Lefthandofdog--I'd never send a child who wasn't falling all over themselves with the idea of going to boarding school and leading the charge. It seems to me the kids who were pushed to go away to school were the ones who ended up coming back home. (The kids I knew who ended up back home regrouped and carried on, btw) But boarding school can be intense academically and sometimes what keeps a kid going through the tough times is the knowledge that "I wanted to do this, and by golly I can wrestle this beast to the ground." The kid needs to be vested in the decision, it seems to me.</p>
<p>If my kid like yours were to need something more from his local school, I'd sure look at enrichment programs. Why not? Perhaps, down the pike, say in 10th grade, looking toward 11th and 12th grade, I'd revisit the question of boarding school if your child seems to have "outgrown" her school to see if your child or you as parents were seeing things differently. It's so hard to have to make decisions about high school because you are in the planning stages when a kid is 13, and yet things look very different when a young person is 16, 17 or 18. Some of the kids in my neighborhood were tigers pacing their cages by 11th grade, having outgrown their school's academic offerings or peer groups, things that were hard/impossible to foresee when they were middle school kids.</p>
<p>Well, my son was a Wild Child when he was 16, and he eliminated some choices for himself. His academics and athletics remained strong. Our Educational Consultant recommended a few schools which would be right for our son entering as a junior. We wanted a smaller community (the school has 425 students in 9-12) and the running coach/program needed to be strong. There are SO many good schools way beyond the well-known top 10. I could not believe it once I started to do the research. At many of them there are only a few openings for juniors. We applied to Western Reserve in the Cleveland area, Williston-Northampton, Colorado Rocky Mountain School and Northfield-Mt. Hermann (the latter was not highly regarded by our educational consultant). Blair was our first choice. When we visited we loved everything about it. Our son adjusts easily and would have done well at any of the schools. He knows and we know that he is at the best place for HIM. It isn't the path I had envisioned when he was small, but things change. Karen</p>
<p>momstheword - thanks for the comments. It makes sense to me to revisit the question a year from now, see how the first year at local h.s. goes and to ultimately have the choice be hers. I take it you presented your kids with the options - did you do visits, interviews, etc. as a way of exploring the option, or did you first get the sense from your child that that was what (s)he wanted?</p>
<p>Well, my son was bored silly and doing badly at his public high school (which has the top SATs scores in the state)--half Cs and half Bs in 9th grade--except for the A+ in pre-calculus (100%)--which was an improvement over the 7 C-'s (seriously, his average was 71%) in 8th grade. No good private school options for him... When we found a boarding school with lots of APs and daily SCUBA diving (the only thing he cared about at the time)--and which had spaces in the boarding program for bright kids with poor grades, we basically shoved him into it. He missed 22 days of school during 10th grade--diving trips to do research, math and physics competitions, robotics competition, work on the school play--took 3 AP courses and 3 honors courses, and finished the year with five As and 1 B (French, never his strong subject). A regional win in science competition; a state win in math and physics. A regional win in FIRST Robotics, for the brand new team he started and raised the money for.</p>
<p>So what did we get for our boarding school bucks: we got a school that was flexible enough to challenge a bored kid and let the skipped homework go while he aced the tests, flexible enough to let him miss classes to do stuff that enthralled him... Instead of a public school that sent notes when he didn't do his homework and ignored the As on the tests. (Except for the pre-calc teacher, who just kept giving him harder and harder work--and never did find his limits. Pun intended.)</p>
<p>In other words, for $25K/year, we got our kid back from the brink.</p>
<p>Cheap.</p>
<p>Way to go, DMD77...</p>
<p>So, just to play devil's advocate ( and I may well regret it, but I will confess to have had Momsdream/Blossom type thoughts myself), but as I read these posts, my question is, since the decision for boarding school is made for the benefit of the child, not the family, at what age would you be willing to live apart from your child, for his/her benefit? For me, for instance, it's 18 or thereabouts--basically, as they turn adult. But the argument put forward here is that your children are better off at 14, more or less, somewhere else. So, what if you met a lot of incredibly self-possessed, happy people who'd been at boarding school since, say 7. would any of you have considered that for your kids? And, if not, where and how would you draw the line, age-wise? I really do mean this sincerely, as I know where I mysellf draw it, and I'm wondering how others decide differently.</p>
<p>Garland, I'm sure there are great, happy, balanced kids out there who were raised in a Petrie dish but that doesn't mean you should try it at home....</p>
<p>I don't think you "decide" the way you are suggesting. Circumstances change and kids change. If you asked me when my D was 14 if I would send her to boarding school at 16, I would have told you "No Way". But when she was unhappy in her elite private day school at the end of her sophomore year and it was suggested to us that we look at Interlochen for her, I was open to the idea. It took visiting the school and seeing that there was a totally different option for her- one that we had never considered.<br>
To tell you the truth, it is not all that easy having my son home for Christmas break! I worry every time he is out with the car. When he is away at school he isn't driving and his day seems very orderly. I am glad to see him, of course, but I seem to sleep a little better when he is at school.<br>
When you send a kid to boarding school, you aren't banishing them from your household. They are home all summer (or a lot of the summer) and the breaks tend to be longer than what public schools have. You can go visit and attend parents' weekend, athletic events etc. I talk to my son almost every day (probably more than he would like) and we chat online. He is not the type of kid who would sit by our side every evening if he were home.<br>
It is just one option and one choice.
Karen</p>
<p>Garland--I never met kids who went away to school at 7. I think this is something that happens in England? My kids sure weren't ready to go away from home at age 7-13, so I can't imagine my ever thinking it would be okay. They were ready at 14, though. I never had a "line" drawn in my head. If they hadn't been ready at 14 or 18, I'd not have considered boarding school or college far from home.</p>
<p>Lefthandofdog--I did much of the preliminary research myself, enough to see that this might be worth looking into one day. We went a family vacation (the kids were about 10, I think) and while looking at the Deerfield museums, we happened to stumble onto Deerfield's campus. I mentioned to my kids that this was a boarding school, that I'd read Death Be Not Proud as a kid, set in Deerfield if I remember correctly, and could they ever see themselves in a place like this? They asked more and more about schools like these, and we set up the visits and interviews and went from there. I think most kids would need to see at least one school like this before even being able to entertain the idea. I mean, where we live, schools tend to be concrete jungles with tall fences that can lock up the place tighter than Fort Knox and signs that shout "NO doing this or that on campus" and bungalows set near freeways. Even the top privates around here have to borrow other institutions' sports facilities, etc. My kids probably had to see that there really were high schools with grassy lawns and vast playing fields, architecturally interesting, historical buildings, ponds, historical spots, chapels, libraries with leaded windows, observatories, etc., to believe they existed. </p>
<p>dmd77--I liked your story. It speaks to one thing I saw about these schools--they offer opportunities to nontraditional kids like yours or kids who would otherwise have to waste valuable study/sport/hanging out time commuting for their ECs or kids who, say, are prodigies and have mathematics degrees from colleges, but want to round out the rest of their high school educations, etc.</p>