How do you cope? If you moved out of the Northeast, nobody would think it even slightly weird that a valedictorian went to a large state universitiy.
y does it matter if you go to an Ivy?
Really hope your mom was teasing…
The bottom line is not where you go to school, but what you do when you get there. If you end up going to a school that is “lesser” per your family/peer standards, it is actually to your advantage. Rather than constantly competing with overly competitive students in a pressure cooker environment, you will be able to enjoy your education and actually have more opportunities open to you. At a HYP school, you will be one of many and just continue the struggle you feel now. If you go to other schools, you will be at the top and more likely to be selected to participate in special opportunities.
Tell naysayers you don’t need an ivy league degree to prove you are intelligent. And if your mom really was serious that she’ll only talk about your brother, tell her that’s perfect cause that was your plan all along…
I feel bad for you that your parents pressure you to the point that you would be shunned if you go to Northeastern
Getting into an Ivy League school is not terribly important. I think what’s more important is applying to schools you like – schools that fit your known preferences – and can afford.
As long as you are applying to such schools, and at least one of them is an admissions safety, you’ll be ok.
Sometimes it’s hard to look past prestige, but what’re far more important are the quality of your 1) Education and 2) Experience. A great many schools can provide the former; it’s up to you to find those that will best suit you to maximize the latter. (and sometimes you can have a great time even if the fit is not perfect…)
Totally agree with the above post. Provided the quality of education is there (will be at many places), it really comes down to feel. Where will you be truly happy vs. just OK. What turns you on? Is it a quiet intellectual environment where kids are gathered discussing issues or a exciting sports program to gather and cheer for. Or a combination of the two. Greek or not, party or not, etc.
@moooop i was thinking the same thing, hahaha. in fact, most of the valedictorians in my county/surrounding counties attend a state school or community college. it’s very common here.
I think times have changed and it’s SO much harder to get into the Ivies, even than just a few years ago. Every year it gets harder and they get more thousands of applications.
It’s great YOU are fine with any top 20 school and that you will make your own happiness. And I can tell that you know not to worry about what others think. It’s just dealing with comments in the spring, and graduation time. And I bet you will be happier where you want to go! I actually think you can turn this into a great essay or valedictorian speech, with a theme like “Que Sera Sera” and happiness. I’m sure it’s somewhat trite but still a very important message in today’s era with the pressure on the kids to perform and get results. I think that every parent and college counselor should read what you wrote.
Best of luck with that speech and enjoying the right college for you! 
OP,
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Go to your local library or bookstore.
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Check out or purchase Frank Bruni’s fairly recent “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be” (the book, which is quite short, makes a strong case that people wrongly believe that a name school does all the work, when it is the person that is responsible for her own success).
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Read the book but then pass it on to your parents, especially your mother who is too ashamed to mention that you might attend Northeastern.
I’ll also mention two honorable mention books: Loren Pope’s “Looking Beyond the Ivy League” (Pope is definitely biased in support of LACs (he does not like large universities), but this book, now nearly thirty years old, is still relevant in that it reminds students and parents that there is a world that exists beyond eight schools) and Jaques Steinberg’s “The Gate Keepers” (Steinberg gives an in-depth look into admissions at Wesleyan, which many here will recognize as an “elite” college, but the book also shows how even a prestige school like Wes has to market itself at high schools and college fairs to students and parents who have never heard of it and also fight against the perception (for those who are familiar with Wes) that it’s second tier and lesser than the Ivies).
It’s so sad, when you think about the craziness (and, note, I have nothing against the Ivies or elite schools and am happy for those students for whom such schools are a good fit). Somewhere, a student is dancing, celebrating, because she was accepted at Haverford, while another student (and his family) are devastated because all the Ivies rejected him and, thus, he has no choice but to attend the lesser, unworthy safety: Haverford. Somewhere, a student cannot believe his good fortune at getting into U. of Washington, while another student (and her family) will “put up with” U-Dub, but the student is still reeling from her Stanford rejection and feels that her future is ruined.
I’m not sure how we reached this moment, but it is worrying.
I just realized I never thanked anyone for the wonderful advice and feedback I have received- thank you so much! Whenever I get stressed out I just come back here and re-read your wonderful comments. I suppose I’ll come back here in the spring to update what happened with decisions!
@anxiouswreck someone posted this earlier in another thread but I think its worth reading:
http://www.businessinsider.com/why-high-school-valedictorians-dont-become-really-successful-2017-5
One of my doctors is a young Asian women who grew up with a self described tiger mom. All of her siblings went to Ivies. She was the only one who didn’t get in. So she went to Wash U in St Louis (not too shabby :)). Her parents were really disappointed and she said she is the black sheep of the family. This doctor saved my life. I don’t really care where she went to school…It doesn’t matter so much where you get your degree it is what you do with it. This is a true story! I am alive because of this person who did not go to Harvard.
@moooop No. Up here in the Pacific NW, the valedictorians the past 2 years have attended Harvard and Penn. I think the potential to add geographic diversity makes it easier to secure a top-15 acceptance.
@Veryapparent, sounds like a great outcome from a graduate of a school that is just as good as an Ivy - the average SAT score at Wash U is higher than 50% of Ivy League schools.
Thank you for everybody’s advice and support, it really helped me through some tough times. As promised, I am back to update anyone who is interested!
Rejected: Stanford, Princeton, Yale, Duke
Waitlisted: UNC Chapel Hill OOS, Penn, Harvard, Cornell, Rice
Accepted: all of my safeties, Northeastern, UConn, Wesleyan, Tufts, Emory, JHU, and drumroll Dartmouth!
If my financial aid works out, #DartmouthClassof2022 here I come!!! 