<p>minimom2…congratulations on all the great schools that accepted your son! I mean ALL. I get how your son is thinking (at least I think I do). Many in your family have gone to Va public schools, and now he has to decide what’s right for him. Good for him. Smart kid to not knock off W&M just by looking at USNews&WR rankings. </p>
<p>Was he selected as a Monroe Scholar? That’s like their honors program, but I’m not sure it’s for Art majors. If he was selected, it makes W&M even more attractive. </p>
<p>Just remember, they don’t have to decide until May1st. Hopefully he can visit both schools again, and then have a good feel for why one is preferred.</p>
<p>First off, I apologize if you took my opinion/post too hurtful.</p>
<p>The reality is myself or any other poster do not know your internal family issues. You asked for an opinion, and I gave mine, plus my DD. IMHO you didn’t like what was said. Was I brutal? Probably, but this is PARENTS and not KIDS. I stated my honest opinion and meant no personal harm to your family. We are adults and not kids, I see no reason to sugar coat. I even have stated you should be proud of him.</p>
<p>I am not sure why the WOW/Angry comment came about. I called it like I saw it. Your child wants W&M and you want us IMHO to agree with you that he should go to Princeton. I am not the only one that is stating let him chose, but I will acknowledge I am probable the most straight forward,</p>
<p>You asked for input, I gave it, now you are saying that I was angry. The internet forum does not show emotions, I wasn’t angry, but I will admit frustration since you appeared to be unwilling to accept that people ACTUALLY supported your DS.</p>
<p>AS others have pointed out why did you allow him to apply to W&M if you were unwilling for him to choose it?</p>
<p>In the end of the day it is a family decision, what any of us say/write means SQUAT! You absolutely love your DS and would not have posed this question if you didn’t, however, you posed it and there are people here who side with him, not you, it is up to you to accept or deny those opinions. You will be the one to live with that decision, not us.</p>
<p>re: Hanna post#57
I am not opposed to parents having strong preferences about schools. I just think they should express those preferences before the application process starts rather than 3 weeks before decision day. Now is the time to let your kid quietly think about his options and make his own choice.</p>
<p>What is wrong with a parent wanting to ensure that her kid has, at the very least, a good reason for turning down what would appear to be the better value school? If we were talking about Princeton vs. Amherst or Princeton vs. Williams, I wouldn’t demand that the kid have any logical explanation for his gut preference, since those schools are virtually peers in all but name brand recognition. If we were talking about Princeton at full price vs a substantial scholarship to W & M, I would give my kid credit for his good sense. As it is, while W & M is by all accounts a terrific school, I’d want a better reason than “because I want to defy expectations” or “I just got a better vibe” before I put my money behind that choice.</p>
<p>I don’t know enough about William and Mary to anticipate what logical reasons a person might have for choosing it over Princeton, but I’m sure there are some. To choose another school as an example, if a kid said to me, " I know Princeton is somewhat more competitive than Brown, but I really enjoy the freedom of attending a college without distribution requirements and with a pass/fail option," or “Brown is stronger than Princeton for major X” or “Brown has a stronger LGBT community than Princeton,” I would consider that a good reason for letting him follow his instinct.</p>
<p>The OP’s son hasn’t said anything of the sort. If he does, I would take that seriously, as I think she intends to. If not, then he would have to be a particularly spoiled high school senior to be devastated and resentful about attending Princeton. People who settle for much weaker fits wind up very happy.</p>
<p>“I just think they should express those preferences before the application process starts rather than 3 weeks before decision day.”</p>
<p>I disagree … before decisions come out, the last thing a parent should do is tell the kid how fantastic Princeton is compared to W&M. There’s a +90% chance that the kid doesn’t get into Princeton. Then if the kid is upset over having to go to his safety school, and if the parent tries to play up its good qualities, the kid says: “Quit blowing sunshine at me. You told me in no uncertain terms that you thought I was better off at Princeton.”</p>
<p>No, the time for comparing schools is after you get accepted.</p>
<p>I am with you to a point. I agree the time to start comparing schools is after the acceptance letters. However, I would not support our children throwing in application for the sake of throwing it in. We stressed that you do not know who will accept you and who won’t. You need to apply to schools that you want to attend. Even with our DD as higher priority acceptance letters came in she sent back the THANKS, NO THANKS to other schools. Rack and Stack was addressed way before acceptances showed up in the mailbox or email. I believe every kid has in their mind their “dream” school when applying. If they don’t then I question why? I have 2 out of my 3(college age), and including bullet and myself all of us had a gut feeling of this is the school I want. </p>
<p>Every family/student is different. As we all acknowledge in this economy finance may play a big issue. This is not the scenario regarding the OP. </p>
<p>I think the true lesson of this thread is for parents of 15, who should realize that they need to discuss in the earlier stages (applications) what ifs? If you sit down with your child in OCT/NOV/DEC and say WHAT IF you get in all of your schools, which is your dream college? I actually think for the OP that they saw Princeton as a reach and now are addressing the fact that they have a golden opportunity, but the child is not on the same page.</p>
<p>Yes, and in your own words, Pima, trying to raise teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree. ;)</p>
<p>All the conversations in the world won’t make 25% of the kids listen to reason, usually you encounter this, I might add, when the child is stubborn. (have a couple of those, myself), and usually stubborn children come from…wait for it…stubborn parents.</p>
<p>It’s a great trait, tenacity, will get you through a lot in life. But, man, god save me from intelligent, single-minded, tenacious kids. Sometimes I used to think our house was debate practice…never disrespectful, always brought the facts, but, sometimes, I just wanted to be able to say, “because I said so.”</p>
<p>I understand the OP’s desire to say “because I said so.” I just doubt it will be effective at this point. In our case, “I know you have good judgement and will make the most rational decision for your future,” is a sentence which stops them cold and generally produces the most well thought out decisions.</p>
<p>Good luck to the OP. However it turns out, there’s not an emergency of bad choices in this one…at all.</p>
<p>My dad was accepted to both Princeton and Rutgers (back in the 40’s). His HS counselor told him to choose Rutgers because it was (20 miles) further from home, since this fact was so important to him, at 18. We’ve heard this story dozen of times, most recently last week. He’s had an amazing education (PhD, then MD) and a wonderful career in both research and medical practice. But sometimes he gets wistful about what might have been. But had his parents pushed him to reconsider his choice? Would going to Princeton changed his life path? Sure. But my guess is he would have still ended up in a terrific life. The road not taken, withstanding, it will work out. Congrats, OP, on such a wonderful choice.</p>
<p>Lost in this discussion is an underlining of Cartera’s point. I have long admired W & M for its battle against grade inflation, something which Princeton is also doing. But the grade deflation at W & M is real, and it is far from the case that a student will receive higher grades at W & M over any other school. Grade deflation is real at W & M, and I know any number of very bright students that become shocked by the experience there. </p>
<p>Again, I admire W & M for its efforts. It ought to be very up front with its incoming students about it, something that I am not sure they are doing as well as they should. This may be a hollow point since most all incoming students do know the score; experiencing it is quite another thing. </p>
<p>There are students at TJ in Northern Virginia who from time to time choose W & M over Princeton. Since 6 schools dominate at TJ - UVa, Princeton, W & M, CMU, Penn, VTech and Duke, this is not so surprising. </p>
<p>Given the academic challenge Princeton offers (the social issues in my book always pale in importance), I can’t see turning it down. But W & M is an excellent school, with very rigorous academics.</p>
<p>Whoa. Grade deflation at Princeton is extremely “real.” Trust me. They’re even looking into it again; it became a topic in the Daily Princetonian, as it often has.</p>
<p>The grade deflation consists of a de facto quota, along with everything else. Although administrators insist that there is no official quota in the policy, and that there are only suggestions, in fact many professors have instituted arbitrary cut-offs, fearing they would otherwise be viewed as non-compliant. They have so stated that to their classes: ‘There were more deserved A’s, but I have to go by the new policy.’ Terrific.</p>