<p>Here's my first draft of my essay, I haven't really gone over it yet, and I still need to divide it into paragraphs and make it a little shorter. Any feedback I can get would be great. (I know my "intro/ conclusion" are basically nonexistant, I really haven't looked over this at all).</p>
<p>High-school has proven to me that one of my true passions is being a leader through music. My personal interest in music became evident around the age of 7. I loved tinkering around on the piano whenever I had the chance, even when my family quickly became annoyed. I loved being able to be completely in control of the sound from such a large, intimidating, instrument; even at such a young age. However, at school and around strangers, I tended to be very shy. Because of this, my mother wouldn't let me take lessons because she felt Id never be able to perform. My dad eventually convinced her to let me take lessons, and I immediately fell in love with the piano. My first teacher was rather laid back, so, ironically, playing simple songs in front of others didn't work up my nerves the way that raising my hand in class did. Because I was passionate about music right away, I wished for a way to incorporate musical studies during the school day as well, so I began taking flute lessons. I quickly understood the flute, since I could already read music, so instead of taking flute lessons with the rest of the 4th graders, I took lessons with the 5th and 6th graders. I loved being challenged during my flute lessons, and I also wanted to challenge myself through my piano lessons. I soon began taking lessons with a stricter, more competitive teacher at age 10. This teacher introduced me to a world of serious competition and recitals. Her rules were that I had to memorize every piece that I performed, and each piece had to be at the fastest tempo possible for that song. If I missed a note, she made me start over and do the entire song again for her perfectly. This led to me taking my lessons very seriously, and I began practicing 1-2 hours a day. My teacher built within me a sense of competitiveness and pride, which in turn, carried over to my school work. I learned to take every assignment seriously, and to always go the extra mile when it came to studying or practicing, no matter how much time it took. I took lessons with this teacher for 5 years, but I became frustrated because I found myself playing robotically instead of expressively. This led me to, again, switch teachers a few times until I, just recently, found the perfect fit. My musical abilities have led me to become a better and more enthusiastic leader in my community. By learning the value of hard work through my lessons, I am now the only section leader of 7 flutes at my high-school, when there are normally two leaders for such a large section. I am also a leader through my volunteer work at the Doylestown Hospital and with the Jonathan Burke Foundation. Because of my musical experience and dedication through other activities, Ive become a keen student who enjoys challenges and keeping busy. I look forward to possibly continuing my musical studies at a university while at the same time taking an active role in my academics.</p>