New essay on music! Hopefully better than the karate essay.

This essay is hopefully better than the karate one I did earlier, as well as having a more distinct voice. The topic was pick a person(s) and describe what influence they’ve had on you. I chose my mom and dad because they both were concert pianists.

critique is welcome, of course!

Looking up at my clock with a tired groan, I knew that trying to go back to sleep was hopeless. Just a minute ago, I, like most teenagers, was sleeping. With little to no warning, I was thrown out of my slumber by a flurry of musical notes. Most people would be startled by waking up to such a racket, but it is a regular occurrence for me; both of my parents are former concert pianists. This constant bombardment of C sharps and D flats has been an influence on my life since I took up my very first instrument, the piano, when I was seven years old.

I chose the piano for a variety of reasons; it sounded “cool” when my parents played it, so I thought that it would when I did too. Also, we already had a piano in the house, and because my mother was a piano teacher, it seemed economically sound for her to give me lessons. Sadly, I discovered that most people are not born with the innate ability to drill out arpeggios. Quickly becoming frustrated due to my childish mentality, I decided to end my journey into Pianoland as quickly as I had started it, much to my mother’s dismay. I was not yet mature enough to fully appreciate music. Besides playing simple pieces to show off to my musically illiterate friends, I would not take up another instrument until the fifth grade.

When I started playing the trombone for my middle school band, I was happy at first. There were far less slide positions on the trombone than keys on the piano, which tricked me into thinking that the instrument was easier to play. However, soon I realized that in order to become skilled, I actually had to sit down and practice scales and pieces. My mother helped me slowly become better through her knowledge of piano. Four years and many hours of practice later, I slid into first chair in the trombone section, but I was still unsatified; something was missing. I needed a new instrument.

All throughout my life, I always enjoyed watching people play percussion, but thought that the sets were too expensive. I expressed this longing to my mother, and was delighted when she brought me home a five piece drumset for Christmas. I finally found my niche; for a few years now, drums have been a huge part of my life. Perhaps because of their musical background, my parents are amazingly tolerant of the crashing of cymbals and the bashing of the bass drum for hours on end. I try to practice as much as is possible without interfering with my studies.

Beethoven and Bach as well as other classical musicians have been a staple in my life for as long as I can remember. Through this influence from my mother and father, I have grown both a great love for playing musical instruments as well as listening to music. From the genres of rap to rock to classical, I appreciate all kinds of music. Even though I might not get to sleep as late as some other seventeen year olds, I wouldn’t give away one note of that noise that wakes me up every morning.

<p>I hope you didn't take my comments too personal, I was just trying to help!</p>

<p>some notes:
1. I, like most teenagers, was sleeping. With little to no warning, I was thrown out of my slumber by a flurry of musical notes. -this sentence needs some work, especially the little to no warning part</p>

<p>2.Intro is a bit confusing, you're moving all over the place</p>

<p>3.much better, you kept my interest</p>

<p>nah man, no harm done. harsh critique is the best because it helps the most! I thank anyone and everyone who gives me advice, because I know it makes me a better writer! :)</p>

<p>1) Music seems to be a pretty tired topic. Almost everyone at my school mentioned band or some instrument in their essays. Maybe we're just an irregularity?</p>

<p>2) What does this show about you? You never fully aritculate your love of music or of drums. You just hop from instrument to instrument and never really develop them. I got the feeling you only wanted to play a certain instrument because it was easier or would impress your friends. Not a message you want to send.</p>

<p>Instead of describing your entire musical career, focus on drums. You seem passionate about them and I'm sure you have a lot of experiences to talk about.</p>

<p>3) Intro seems a bit weak. I'm sure there are better ways of opening an essay. Maybe describe a concert or competition.</p>

<p>4) The essay is needlessly wordy at places:</p>

<p>"it seemed economically sound for her to give me lessons"</p>

<p>"Quickly becoming frustrated due to my childish mentality, I decided to end my journey into Pianoland as quickly as I had started it, much to my mother’s dismay"</p>

<p>These are just a few examples, but they're quite frequent throughout. Remember, this is a personal essay. Keep it smooth and simple. Write as you would when talking to a friend or chatting online. You want all your energy, vigor, and enthusiasm to bleed through the pages, not sound like a history paper.</p>

<p>It's definitely not a tired topic around here. :D Three seniors are in the band at my school. </p>

<p>And, I kind of disagree with you on some of those issues, but I am gonna try writing a few more essays and see if they turn out better. </p>

<p>Question:</p>

<p>Would writing an essay concerning my battle with severe OCD and overcoming it be a good topic?</p>

<p>"...essay concerning my battle with severe OCD and overcoming it be a good topic?"</p>

<p>NO, no and no. You want to show why you are a good candidate for the shool and this would distract.</p>

<p>But I congradulate you in dealing with this.</p>