<p>For one of her essays, my daughter has the option of writing about an ethical dilemma that she has faced and is considering writing about something a bit sensitive and personal that happened to her this year. What are your thoughts on writing an essay like this -- is it a good idea to be so personal or would she be better served by doing something non-controversial and more generic?</p>
<p>My 2 cents: Personal is great. Adcomms (who have to read hundreds of these apiece, something that is truly awful) would BEG her to be sensitive and personal and not "non-controversial" or "more generic". But criminality, or fraud, or academic cheating -- if admitting any of those is what "sensitive" means, she shouldn't do it (unless it was absolutely trivial and the moral of the story is, convincingly, that she Really Learned Her Lesson). The ideal, of course, is sensitive, personal, non-generic, and makes her look good (at least in retrospect).</p>
<p>She was caught up in a bit of a scandal where our pastor was accused of being inappropriate with her. No truth to it at all, which the investigation proved. They were allegations of a disturbed girl who focused her envy and spite on my daughter and our pastor. It was a miserable situation where daughter learned how damaging gossip can be and how people can use other people for their own ends with no regard for the truth. She did nothing wrong, so it's not sensitive in the way of criminal behavior, just a painful learning experience.</p>
<p>Since it does not reflect badly on her, it seems like a good topic. The important thing is to keep the essay focused on her, not on the pastor or the false accuser or even the church community, though of course, each needs to be mentioned.</p>
<p>Hmmm . . . What was the "ethical dilemma" she faced? Is being an incidental victim of slander of a third party an ethical dilemma? Actually, I'm sure she could write a great essay about that experience, but it probably wouldn't exactly be an ethical dilemma essay. </p>
<p>Which raises an interesting question, on which I have no real sense of the answer: How important is it to follow the prompt on an application's additional essay? </p>
<p>As a lawyer and a life-long Good Boy, I ALWAYS follow the prompts on everything. But with a college application essay there's always the meta-prompt which is "Show us that you can write, that you are an interesting person, and that you will contribute to our community," and obviously there are infinite ways to do that. If you had to pick between writing a so-so essay that stuck to the question asked or a great essay that didn't, you would go with the great essay every time. But the choice is never that stark. I tend to assume that readers impose SOME penalty, subtle or not, on kids who don't answer the question. But I really don't know; maybe there's no penalty at all. Does anyone know?</p>
<p>This also has the potential to raise more questions than it answers. IMO, this is one of those risky topics because of the sensitive nature of the situation as you describe it. In addition, as JHS alludes, there may be the feeling that this is something that happened TO her and may not have enough potential to profile your daughter's own values, passions, interests and abilities. </p>
<p>I'm also of the opinion that this does get onto so called dangerous territory, in that you never know how someone may interpret something like this. Unfair as it sounds, someone may even wonder what your daughter did to provoke such slander, or even whether or not it she may be trying to mitigate damages in such an essay. </p>
<p>I may be off base here, and I'm all for encouraging your D to write something that's not cliched OR generic. In the hands of a very discerning writer, and with a receptive reader, this could even work. I just see the potential upside as not outweighing the pits and perils in a situation like this one. My vote is no, don't do it.</p>
<p>IMO the prompts are pretty loose; many apps including the comon app have at least one very loose 'free choice' prompt.</p>
<p>I would go about forming an essay from the other end: start with what you want to leave the adcom knowing/thinking about you.</p>
<p>First really think about what is most important to you... What makes you different and unique? What defines you? Why are you this way? What has made you the person that you are at the core? What is meaningful in your life? </p>
<p>This brainstorming should generate a list that may include personal qualities, passions, experiences, quirks, etc. Then think for a while about the "whys" behind this list. Why am I drawn to X? What has made me love Y? What makes me tick? What kind of tale might knit together the most resonant of these disparate things into a cohesive picture of me?</p>
<p>The essay is the place you get to come across as a whole, thinking, sensitive, real person rather than a list of numbers. It is the part of the application over which you have total control. It deserves, up top, a great deal of thinking. <em>Most kids want to get it "done" and they rush this very important part.</em> It can take weeks!</p>
<p>Once you have a sense of what qualities you'd like to highlight, then look at the prompts and see which if them best offers a chance to write about the core, essential things that define you. If none works, make up a prompt.</p>
<p>As an example: My D's 'brainstorm' list had her several diverse artistic pursuits, it had her deep family attachments, it had certain friendships of great importance, it had her hopes and yearnings, it had her sense of humor, it had some ways in which she is very strong and unique.</p>
<p>She wrote about how being socially "slow" (overlooked by boys) had allowed her the time and space to develop interests, passions, and relationships of depth and quality. She wrote it with a wry sense of humor that acknowledged that at the time, it was a curse for her-- but in retrospect, it had been a blessing because it formed the person she became. It was a thoughtful portrait, it conveyed self-knowledge-- and it was unique and funny too. </p>
<p>I thought she hit it out of the park. She really got herself on paper in a vivid way.</p>
<p>THAT is the job of the essay. It needs to let the reader inside you and let the reader see through your eyes.</p>
<p>I recommend the book "Essays That Worked" for a sense of how many different styles of essay there are, how even a mundane topic can be very powerful, and how the common feature in all good essays is a real sense of who the writer IS.</p>
<p>Hmmm . . . What was the "ethical dilemma" she faced? Is being an incidental victim of slander of a third party an ethical dilemma? Actually, I'm sure she could write a great essay about that experience, but it probably wouldn't exactly be an ethical dilemma essay. </p>
<p>I didn't get into the details, but it actually is an ethical dilemma essay. The dilemma was knowing that a conspiracy was underway involving high-level Board members to get the pastor fired (ruining his livelihood, family, future, etc.). An enormous amount of pressure was applied on my daughter by people she was close to, to (a) participate in this conspiracy and (b) say nothing to the pastor, despite knowing what was coming, until the conspirators had their ducks in a row. It was a very serious ethical dilemma for a teenager because there were legitimate arguments on both sides of remaining silent and in speaking out and serious consequences on both sides, as well.</p>
<p>Zoosermom:</p>
<p>SBmom has given some terrific tips. Your D's story is compelling, and definitely different from the typical essay an adcom is likely to encounter. The issue is how to tailor it so that it incorporates the points made by SBmom. What does your D want the essay to convey about herself? Can she achieve that goal given the story she has to tell?</p>
<p>Those were great tips. I'm going to pass that post along in its entirety to my daughter, if you don't mind.</p>
<p>I saw my daughter's notes on this potential essay. What I took from those notes is that the salacious nature of the story is incidental to the journey she took from shock that good people would run with a false story having such serious consequences, that there are people that she knows and cares for who would actually ruin someone's life for their own ends, that people she cares about would use her and drag her good name through the mud to achieve those ends, that she had to come to terms with her own hurt and disbelief and consider all the implications for everyone in terms of her own values, that she would decide to further those values in a way that entailed some pretty big sacrifice on her part and by her own conscience. She also wants to address her own continued belief in her ultimate choice, despite the difficulties she's faced as a result, and her own path to regaining her faith and trust despite her disillusionment. I'm not sure how it would all play out in an essay and the point that this could be misconstrued is a very good one.</p>
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She also wants to address her own continued belief in her ultimate choice, despite the difficulties she's faced as a result, and her own path to regaining her faith and trust despite her disillusionment.
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<p>I think this should be the core of the essay--the more positive aspects of the story rather than the disillusionment story.</p>
<p>I completely agree with Marite. In every essay, the positive ought to outweigh the negative; if it is a story or grief, let the survivor show. Whatever the topic, it is easy to turn it into something that champions the writer, and that is what the adcoms want to see anyway, not any sort of "woe is me" (not that your DD was doing that Zoos; it was just as an example).</p>
<p>zoosermom, be my guest. :)</p>
<p>I do think that your D should hold off CHOOSING the topic of the essay for the time being. The topic she is toying with can be on the list, but do set it aside completely to go through the process of generating ideas, because it may or may not be the topic that best allows her to show herself and you don't want all her ideas to be vis-a-vis this potential topic-- you want a range of ideas. Brainstorming works best when you keep generating ideas without becoming attached to anything. </p>
<p>I forgot to mention that my D's first crack at an essay (an essay about a significant person in her life), while a nice piece of writing, was ultimately scrapped-- because it did not talk about HER enough; it talked eloquently about the friend. It sometimes requires actually picking a topic & writing it out to be able to see that the topic is not the right one. </p>
<p>The self-knowledge part is really hard for a teenager. It can be hard for them to recognize what is really INTERESTING about themselves. </p>
<p>IMO a mom or dad can be a sounding board: "here are some <em>other</em> things I notice about you, that make you who you are." That was the level of help my D needed to get started-- a conversation or two, that helped her to step outside herself and see herself objectively as the subject of an essay.</p>
<p>Finally, I told my D to put away the ultimate essay for at least a few weeks between drafts. When you come back to it with fresh eyes, errors leap out at you; so much easier to edit.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, when it comes to essays, extremes are bad. Essays that are too safe, too polished, or too sanitized end up being dull affairs. Essays that stretch the boundaries of personal issues for "shoking" purposes are also too risky. </p>
<p>The reality is that essays do NOT have to be amazing written testaments to one's power of introspection. They can be accounts or what I call small slices of life. Very deep essays are exceptionally hard to write in 500 words or less. </p>
<p>My suggestion would be to write the ethical essay, but also to write a number of alternate solutions. Let some time pass and reevaluate if the potential risk is still worth it.</p>
<p>You folks are just amazing. I really do appreciate all the insight and advice. Daughter has a list of potential topics and is playing with about four at this point. The rest are absolutely normal topics, but this app had the ethical dilemma choice and she thought this might fit. She's not anywhere near deciding yet and when she asked me, I knew that I had no worthwhile advice to give as to whether she should even attept to address this. So all of your advice has been enormously helpful. On a side note, she has actually completed two of her potential nine application forms (without essays and recs), so I'm proud of her work ethic and time management!</p>
<p>Zoosermom:</p>
<p>Your D is indeed ahead of the game! My Ss wrote many different essays and discarded most of them. Some just came out flat. Some just took too much exposition before getting to the main point. This last may be of concern to your D as she tries to write a 500-word essay. But I don't think any writing is ever truly wasted. So she should go ahead and see how it comes out.</p>
<p>At the very least, the essay process could be therapeutic for her, right?</p>
<p>Absolutely! And I think with some care, she could write a riveting essay.</p>
<p>I think SBmom has really given some excellent advice. I never really thought of approaching an essay that way, but - wow - what a great way of thinking about it.</p>