<p>I understand that there are quite a few boarding school alums on CC, some of whom are parents of current or prospective BS students as well. Here are a couple of questions for you:</p>
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<li><p>Are there alums who don't want their kids to follow their steps and attend the same BS they attended for reasons other than the school is not a good fit for the kids? What are the common reasons alums don't want their kids to go to his school or go to BS altogether?</p></li>
<li><p>Is the "network" you are associated with by attending a BS a real benifit you can use in your career development, or is it a myth? By "network", I don't mean the friends and classmates you know while you are in school, but the "alum network" you get associated with by attending a certain school. Is there still a "sense of community" after you graduate? What does it mean to be a - say Deerfield graduate or Andover graduate - other than that they are really good schools?</p></li>
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<p>Thanks for coming to the board and help out.</p>
<p>1) I think my kids I think would do well at Andover (where I went to boarding school). The kids that might not might be very shy kids unused to advocating for themselves where a smaller venue might have features hard to replicate in large schools, though I think the Andover dorm/cluster system is well thought out to try to avoid that as much as possible. Here, I am confident my kids can do the work and would not be overwhelmed, and would get whatever help they might need. So fit is in fact important. Andover is so good in so many different areas there are few in which there would not be good academic fit. Other schools may have more specific issues of fit due to the kids’ interests.</p>
<p>Another problem that could come up (not specific to <em>any</em> school or college) is if there are hidden issues at home that are distracting, though I think/hope/believe that Andover would have handled this well, had it been an issue with me. This was a serious issue during college, where MIT failed to figure out I needed help when I needed it; but MIT is <em>much</em>, <em>much</em> bigger than even Andover). On the hand, being stuck in the middle of a mess at home isn’t so hot either.</p>
<p>2) I certainly feel part of the Andover community. I’ve gone back to a few reunions. I didn’t really use Andover in my career, though I could easily see it could have been useful, particularly in some other more established field than the field I went into. A couple years ago I had a contact from another alum (who was very nice, but not expert in my area, which is why he contacted me) interested in establishing a company on a particular idea; but my evaluation of the idea was that it wasn’t good enough to be viable, so I did not pursue it further. Under other circumstances, the school contacts might have been much more interesting and useful.</p>
<p>I think the biggest advantage, besides a fine education at a great school, was the self confidence that came with it. I know that if I need to, I can get on a phone or send mail to almost anyone on the planet, and handle the situation well. Having that confidence even entering college was very useful. And I’ve valued Andover’s values: “Non Sibi” I took to heart.</p>
<p>Part of that confidence came from, for the first time in my life, having to really work at things to do well, and that there were others at Andover actually better and brighter (if not so fortunate than I’ve been in most ways), and finding I could rise to that occasion and do well. Knowing that the world was <em>not</em> white suburban United States early on was invaluable, along with the humility knowing I was <em>not</em> the best in the class. I think that this confidence has helped me accomplish what I have.</p>
<p>Everything BusterDad was completely in line with my experiences. </p>
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<li><p>I am a Groton alum, but my daughter wants a single sex education. Therefore Groton was never an option. However, had coed been of interest to her, she definitely would have applied to Groton (as well as St. Paul’s - both legacy for her). That being said, out of the two legacies - I think she is a St. Paul’s girl at heart and probably would have crossed Groton off the list. Too intense for her artsy whimsical self. (I happened to be one big ball of intensity at her age - go figure)</p></li>
<li><p>As far as the networking goes, the truth is that going to one of the HADES/St. Grottlesex school is one huge network. It often extends way further - out to third and fourth tier schools. Surely, I can call any Groton Alumn and they will take my call and provide business advice, networking assistance, etc. However, I find it oddly useful in settings where someone realized that I went to Groton and felt a connection to me because they attended Deerfield/Govenors/St.Marks/Westminster/St. P . . . .I even had this reaction once form a Verde Valley grad (which is a random bs in Arizona). I have found such connections to be very useful. But back to Groton specifically, sure, the network is there - although the skills you learn along the way at a place like Groton are what really matter. I totally agree with BusterDad. From the moment you first step foot on campus, you are apart of something bigger than yourself - and that has a profound effect. I too, have taken Groton’s motto to heart: “cui servire, est regnarum” (the serve is to rule). I sit on various non-profit boards and donate my time and energy all over the place. I do think that there is a certain “you were hand-picked as the best, the brightest, the future of the generation” vibe that emanates from grad’s of these institutions - no matter how mellow and understated that person may be. It is not the textbook education that moves the dial - it is the social, cultural, religious, political, economic stretching of ones self that differentiates a BS grad from the public school valedictorian. I should also add that while you are attending BS, the most important connections are with your advisor, the faculty & the administration. Those adult relationships & the guidance they offer - at such a impressionable developmental stage in a young person’s life - could never be duplicated.</p></li>
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<li><p>The main reason I don’t particularly want my son to go to Lawrenceville (even though I was the one who encouraged him to apply) is that I’m not quite ready to let go yet and he might not be ready to do so either. I would certainly get over it if I felt it was important for him to go away to school, but since we live in NYC there’s no need. We have a plethora of amazing choices right here.
Even though I went to L’ville, I was a day student. Although the Princeton area doesn’t have the wealth of choices that NYC does, there a many nonetheless. My brother, sister and I all attended different day schools in the area because we were different types of students.</p></li>
<li><p>Sure. Networking helps. And I certainly feel that I have strong ties to L’ville. In just the past several months I’ve attended two events, one on campus (only an hour or so drive away) and one here in NYC. I’ve attended all but one reunion and keep in touch with a number of classmates.
As grotonalum points out, there is also an extended network. If I meet some person through a business or social context there’s an instant connection if they say they went to Groton (or Andover or Choate or wherever). It’s not as strong as if they went to L’ville of course, but it’s still very much real. And yes, these connections have helped in business. And like Grotonalum pointed out, I would have no reluctance to call someone who I never met before and say that we both went to L’ville, chat about that for awhile, and then move on to the purpose of the call. I know that I would certainly be receptive to such a call.</p></li>
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<p>Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. As a parent of a boarding school student, I am very encouraged by what you said about the abilities, confidence, independence, humility and the broadened vision one develops from the boarding school experience, which is truely assets one can benifit from for the whole life.</p>
<p>That said, what I’ve heard about the “networking” part doesn’t seem to be as encouraging. The highly selective boarding schools “pool” some most talented kids together. Many of them go on to elite colleges and have a successful career. However, from what I’ve heard so far, I don’t see how such a network (from Andover, Groton or Lawrenceville) is any different from any other school (a day school or even a public school). I wonder without the “sit down meals” or an explicit advocacy for “building a strong community” whether the consideration of “connections” one may have by attending an elite boarding school is moot.</p>
<p>Networking is more directly useful in established fields. If you are early into new fields without established structures, it is less so. Then again, I was/have been/are so busy having a quite successful career that I may have had less need to network in this fashion.</p>
<p>Benley, I don’t think I have directly, that I know of. But then again, I don’t wear the old school tie or wear the Andover connection on my sleeve, nor would I ask someone of such an affiliation. Andover’s values are very much to judge people on what they are, not where they came from. At one point it took me a good year to find out that a co-worker and friend was an Exonian.</p>
<p>But grotonalum and Lvillegrad say, though, sometimes there is a connection in the larger universe of schools that is helpful socially and in business. This set of schools (not just boarding schools but also the best colleges, and not just confined to the United States) produces people that if you know the person graduated from them, they are more likely to be people you take seriously, and they you.</p>
<p>In my field, being from MIT happens to probably count for a lot more than from Andover.</p>
<p>Benley, you raise an interesting point. I think that the strength of the network is being slightly under-valued in this conversation. For me personally, the network was actually way more useful from ages 18-28. For instance, when I went away to England for University, I ran into kids my age at parties/raves/clubs all the time that were at London School of Econ, Cambridge-Oxford, or doing PG years at Eaton that I “knew” from playing them every year in sports. The network was traveling through life with me. I had no issues with being out of the country completely alone for such a long stretch (remember this is before skype) and I was often meeting up with the bs group to head to Paris for the weekend, someone’s summer home in Italy, etc. It created a ridiculously smooth transition that enabled me to keep up with my studies since I had no distractions - I was never homesick, never feeling “alone”, & had a ready made social calendar. Not to mention the fact that this network includes kids with villas on the hillside in Italy. I grew up in a very wealth area, but we weren’t Greenwich CT, landing a chopper on your helio pad wealthy. But these kids are & it opens every door. I am interested to see if the other alum got to college and were instantly accepted into the bs set, even if they never knew those kids before. Most of schools have a bs contingent within. I know Princeton sure does - however, my brother attended Princeton from a very rigorous private non-bs school and had a rough first year and a half. It was too much of an adjustment. None of the groton crew had that stuff to deal with - they were all in their element. But back to the original point - Yes, the network from BS did launch my career (but at that age you see it as “my friends and their friends”) & I have since placed Groton grad’s into internships and positions without a second thought.</p>
<p>Thanks grotonalum for sharing your very interesting experience. I guess the question in discussion is a bit too general maybe. Each individual may have a different story to tell. You may really tap into the network to advance your career or leave it unused for varisous reasons (e.g. BusterDad’s new area of adventure). I wonder if it can differ from school to school too. The increased diversity in recent years in some of the top schools means a culture of more emphasis on “who you are” instead of “where you are from” as BusterDad noted. In some of the schools of “old style”, the “club” feel may be more pronounced - if it makes sense? Another consideration is that with heightened selectivity of these schools, the cutthroat competition with peers starts early on in prep schools and extends to their later life?..I’d love to hear more alums talk about their experience and give their opinions.</p>