<p>I’m going to be following this thread as well - my current HS senior D is also a Chinese adoptee, and I do worry about these issues of diversity and racism on campuses. Add in the fact that she plans on majoring in a non-gender-typical field (physics), and I think it bears (at least) a cautious approach. My daughter, OTOH, having never really been on the receiving end of much racist crap (and also probably feeling more white than Asian) thinks I’m worrying about nothing. I don’t believe a large school/urban setting is in her best interest (she can still get actually lost in her large high school building in her 4th year there, not kidding), so most of the schools we’ve been seeing have on average 8 - 12% Asian populations. All of this is just adding an extra layer of stress to what is already a stressful college application season, given all the Common App problems. Another friend, who is more aware of how others react to her, has completely dropped her ideal college from her list, after visiting the small southern city and feeling like an alien from another planet. She said it was as if they’d never seen an Asian before.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry OP’s daughter is going through this!</p>
<p>Toughing it out, and getting a thicker skin, and laughing off the jerks, and learning to deal with stupid people is all great in theory. And something we all must learn and tolerate and develop appropriate responses to over our lifetime. </p>
<p>But this young lady is a college freshman. She is supposed to be enjoying college. Instead she is miserable. Whether it is because of the racial divides or stupid people or social issues or homesickness or just plain bad fit, or whatever, I agree with mini. College is costly and it’s such a short 4 years - she should be happy. (way happier than miserable, anyway). </p>
<p>And once the decision is made that “I am transferring after a year (or first term)” it makes the environment so much easier to bear. She can focus on her classes and her grades and her transfer choices and new college visits and it really does lift a weight off and will brighten her outlook.</p>
<p>Based on the small sample of Northern kids I happen to know who have gone to Elon, I would say that most of them are NOT “liberals.” Like people from any region, Northerners run the political gamut.</p>
<p>I don’t think there is any “need” to call out any specific college because it could be "any small college</p>
<p>True…and this sort of thing can happen anywhere …at any school that lacks diversity…not just a school that is mostly white or in any particular region. A school can be mostly XXXXXXXX and students will say inappropirate things.</p>
<p>It STILL is the OP’s right to keep the school’s name under wraps right now. She doesn’t want her daughter to be identified. That’s her call to make regardless of any other issue.</p>
<p>Rocky, my buddy from Elbonia attended OK State (or OU) in Norman, can’t remember which, during the Iran hostage crisis. Tho he was Elbonian, he also looked a bit more Middle Eastern. He ended up with racial slurs written on his dorm door and other places on a regular basis, despite everyone knowing where he was from. </p>
<p>A coworker from Iraq had her car vandalized during GW1. My wife has endured quite a few comments over the years (if you’re the chick with the hard hat and clipboard in the manufacturing line things can get strange at times; she did get tons of gifts from the assembly line workers when she had our first baby). </p>
<p>When I moved to the Midwest 30 years ago you’d go to the super market and see (I kid you not) in the same aisle: “Dog Food - Cat Food - Ethnic Food” (wish I had a picture). Again that was 30 years ago in Flyover, USA.</p>
<p>Part of the college experience is to learn how to deal with things like those. If you grew up in Bellevue, WA and have to deal with Iowa or what not it’s all part of the experience. I came from a country where we’re a solid 99.5% single ethnic / racial group and was floored by the diversity in the US. It is absolutely a huge strength of our country, but it’s a learned skill. I went straight into Diversity USA (South Louisiana :D) and had a blast. It’s all about tip-toeing (or being thrown) out of your comfort zone.</p>
<p>I got the impression from the OP’s posts that this was more than a couple of random comments. Having had a D on the receiving end of racial comments, and hearing other comments about other non-whites, the idea that one should just “toughen up” and possible need counseling to have to live with such toxicity is kind of offensive. Sure she can. and should complain to whoever handles this at her school. But why “stick it out” knowing that shes in for another 3.5 years of the same? There ARE schools where it won’t be as common.</p>
<p>My D is not longer in the program where she had to deal with racist crap. She sacrificed the almost certainty that top schools everywhere would come begging (assuming she continued to do well), have access to the highest number of AP classes in the district, free bus service for the duration, and a HS with more EC’s that one could ever possibly join, just to name a few perks. She’s at a school with none of those things but one that is TRULY diverse, TRULY accepting and where she TRULY feels she belongs. It was a good trade off. She is HAPPY and no longer asking why she has to go to school. Just suck it up? No sir.</p>
<p>OP: So sorry your daughter is going through this. I underscore those who mentioned that the answer is not a school’s size or location or number of other minorities necessarily but finding a school with a humanist, tolerant environment, one that is hostile to racism. </p>
<p>My daughter (also a Chinese adoptee, now a senior in college) and the Chinese adoptee daughters of other friends have flourished at these small liberal arts colleges: Oberlin, Earlham, Macalester, Pitzer, Occidental, Mt. Holyoke, Skidmore.</p>
<p>turbo, since you responded directly to me, I will restate that</p>
<p>1) yes, learning to deal with this stuff is a LIFELONG learning experience, a part of which will come in college… but it shouldn’t be the entire defining college experience IMO </p>
<p>(and if you want to throw stories out there, how about the senior partners who grabbed my ass and tried to stick their tongues down my throat at late night meetings at my first, highly respected NYC law firm… and yes, I learned to handle it and no, there was no sexual harassment workplace environment radar back then, it was common, very common behavior), and </p>
<p>2) a miserable college freshman has great options for transferring and starting anew, regardless of what is causing the student to be so unhappy. For WHATEVER the reason.</p>
<p>According to OP, it seems to be more than occasional as she states:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>From that, it sounds like it’s happening on a regular basis. Moreover, she later mentions in another post how a close friend who’s African-American was subjected to a commonly known racial slur in her presence.</p>
<p>
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<p>Turbo93,</p>
<p>Keep in mind that what was acceptable behavior 30 or even 15 years ago is no longer necessarily acceptable in our society today…including the workplace.</p>
<p>One good example of that was a friend’s experience with a supervisor who made derogatory remarks about his European ethnicity and tried to fabricate lies about his slacking on the job and pressuring his colleagues to testify to that when they and records going back a decade plus actually showed he was one of the most productive and dedicated employees there. </p>
<p>While it was a stressful several months with involvement of his union and the supervisor’s superiors getting involved in the investigation, the ultimate result was that her accusations were found to be completely unsubstantiated, friend’s accusation she made ethnic derogatory remarks which violated anti-discrimination policies were substantiated, and she ended up getting fired shortly thereafter for this and a few other contemporary incidents.</p>
<p>To clarify, I wasn’t suggesting she tough it out or stay in the situation. I was considering the pros and cons to the OP’s daughter of interrupting her academics immediately, losing tuition and other investments if she left right away vs applying to other programs while finishing out the year. There isn’t one easy choice- and it is up to the OP to decide which one is in the best interest of her daughter.
One of my considerations is to look at the possibility that this is part of a larger adjustment for the student. Leaving is still an option, but if there is another issue, then that won’t solve the problem. The suggestion for counseling is not to make her grin and bear it, but to get emotional support for whatever is bothering her, as well as help her through the transfer process. I would suggest this for any student who is unhappy in a college situation, for the bigger picture is to look at the reasons for the unhappiness, before the transfer. If there are any that are specific to the student, then those could prevail after the transfer. Regardless of the cause of the problem, this student is away from home, and unless her parents are getting her on the next plane, I’d like to see her connected to someone who can be of support to her while she is there.
I’m completely in favor of finding the college that is diverse and supportive. It’s just that realistically, it takes time to transfer, and what the OP and her daughter decide is the best way to proceed with that is up to them. I’m just presenting some possible scenarios, but again, I’m not in her shoes to decide.</p>
<p>Toughing it out is for the military, where you expect and sign up for hardship. But paying to be abused? Sorry, that’s just terrible advice for an 18 year old college student. There will be plenty of time for real world lessons, but college isn’t the real world. This young woman should transfer.</p>
<p>for the sake of accuracy the OP said "In addition, she made a report the first month to the diversity/inclusion folks after someone (not her) was called the “n” word in her presence. "</p>
<p>Not a close friend. </p>
<p>It seems weird though- would other college freshmen use the ‘n word’ non-ironically? Goofing on a teacher is just par for the course.</p>
<p>Agreed, oldmom. Intelligence has nothing to do with racism, having seen that first-hand. </p>
<p>I wish there was a “like” button here because Massmomm nails it. Why pay to be miserable? But I’d be sure to let the school know why the student was leaving. It’s one thing to confront a random instance of racism or let it roll off, but quite another to have to deal with it regularly.</p>
<p>Pennylane-counseling to cope overall makes sense. My D was literally told by a classmate she was “mentally unstable” (in 5th grade!) for reporting racist comments. So perhaps I read you wrong.</p>
<p>^ I’m glad we cleared that one up. That’s an awful response for a counselor to make to your daughter’s distress.</p>
<p>The remarks, and the distress are real. I don’t want this (or any) student to feel unsupported, whether she stays at that school another 5 minutes or 5 weeks, or 5 months.</p>
<p>Agree with Mini and others - tough it out until December, finish the courses that are paid for, then leave with no regrets. The people who work at the college may not realize their situation as it is likely a bastion of tolerance compared to the surrounding area of rural NC.</p>
<p>My best friend from the NE is raising four (gorgeous!) kids in NC, half white/half Filipino. Their appearance is a much bigger issue there than it had been in the NE. It reminds me of this story from NPR form a while ago:</p>