<p>“Sounds like “whitesplain” is a racist term then?”</p>
<p>Yes- using skin color as derogatory descriptor is racist.</p>
<p>"@Texaspg, your attitude is horrid. Yeah, as a 2nd gen, I got over it. My parents got over getting paid less and jackasses saying terrible stuff all the time. But that doesn’t mean it has to be and that it will never change. "</p>
<p>What has your parents getting paid less got to do with anything? What is it that you are expecting to change?</p>
<p>Sadly, I don’t think a college exists where she will never encounter this. And even if she finds this panacea, then there is the real world once she leaves the confines of the campus…Turn on the tv or the radio or pick up a newspaper or a magazine. Race is THE most prominent news topic in America. Yes, she can transfer to a more diverse campus, and probably should. However, it is going to be an issue that she is going to have to come to terms with in her own way and in her own time. No, I’m not saying “deal with it”, but that she has to find a way to deal with it whether she choses to surround herself by a supportive, accepting, evolved community and develops an armor to the rest of the painful nonsense, or by herself becoming an activist.</p>
<p>It <em>is</em> racist to ascribe patronizing of other races as a “white” phenomenon. It is sad to me that this would need to be explained to posters on this forum.</p>
<p>Not naming names, but frankly think some should save the “I managed and so should you” for another thread. Same for pointing fingers back at OP. We really weren’t speaking of ourselves, as adults- the topic is a young gal.</p>
<p>OP is from Md- not deepest who-knows-where America where most people are the same. Still, her D gets the looks, questions and unnecessary comments. Her kid goes “down South” and experiences a level that makes her deeply uncomfortable. Many of us try to raise our kids to play fair, to understand the other guy’s perspective, to be good and do good because it’s right. And to find our own perspective when others, innocently or aggressively, with good intentions or out of stupidity, bug them. </p>
<p>But, c’mon, many of us, when the chips are down, make the best decisions for our kids that we can, for their strengths today and in the future. If D is in the wrong environment, I don’t see a need for minimizing this, to OP or the rest of us.</p>
<p>Yes, OP, we have a big problem with race. Happens every time it comes up on CC- even where most of us are smart and mostly decent-intentioned.</p>
<p>“Sadly, I don’t think a college exists where she will never encounter this. And even if she finds this panacea, then there is the real world once she leaves the confines of the campus”</p>
<p>Precisely. Deep south is not the only place where racism is encountered. It is everywhere including CC.</p>
<p>I’ve learned something from this thread as I sometimes ask people with accents where they are from. It’s never been with ill intent , just curiosity as I like to learn about different cultures. I won’t do that again. I try to take comments in context. There’s another thread about antisemitism in NY, and my kids and I have experienced everything mentioned in it , thankfully not all at once and all as maliciously as it is there. Some people have made offensive statements . I’ve lived in areas with very few Jews and often have to take into account the context of the remark. Some are mean, but many more are just misinformation and naivite which often resolves as we get to know each other. Sometimes it gets tiring to be questioned but I think it is better to promote understanding . Maybe I’m naive but since I don’t speak with ill intent , I assume others don’t either unless it is so obviously nasty. Sad to acknowledge this exists but it does.</p>
<p>“Sadly, I don’t think a college exists where she will never encounter this.”
I STRONGLY disagree with this. In educated, enlightened urban areas of Calif, like LA and the Bay area , where non whites can outnumber whites, I would be shocked if any Asian college student would encounter that kind of attitude on campus or on city streets, or at companies located here. </p>
<p>The real world is another issue. But there are colleges here in Calif where her race will not be an issue because she will not be any different than thousands of other students.</p>
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<p>And I’m sad that posters on this forum are so obtuse. Here in the USA, white people are dominant, financially socially and numerically.</p>
<p>Maybe in another culture, the name would be different. Hansplaining in China perhaps? Or Hindusplaining in India? Those names wouldn’t be racist, just culturally specific.</p>
<p>And whitesplaining, like mansplaining, is catchy. Like I said, the terms are not ideal. But that doesn’t make it racist.</p>
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<p>Are we considering North Carolina to be “down South?” I guess I always thought of Mississippi/Alabama/Georgia as “the South.” It’s all relative I guess.</p>
<p>Agree with menloparkmom (#193) and Magnetron (#105). We moved from the Pacific northwest to Georgia over 10 years ago. Although yes, you can find racism anywhere as many have jumped in to say, racism is much more prevalent in the South. Well intentioned people say this is a bad generalization. Those people are likely either are from here (so as Magnetron pointed out, they just don’t notice the racism because it’s part of the normal background culture that’s surrounded them all their lives), or have never lived here (so they make the well-intentioned assumption that the culture down here isn’t really much different from their own, you can find prejudiced and unprejudiced people anywhere, etc.)</p>
<p>That OP’s D is uncomfortable with the culture down here is no surprise. The problem is the culture, not her.</p>
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<p>Those states are the ‘deep south’. The South is typically taken to be that band of states that fought a war to preserve their right to keep slaves, which most certainly includes North Carolina.</p>
<p>My D attended school in North Carolina. It always seemed like I was going “up North.” :)</p>
<p>“Maybe in another culture, the name would be different. Hansplaining in China perhaps? Or Hindusplaining in India? Those names wouldn’t be racist, just culturally specific.”</p>
<p>As far as I am concerned, this is the MOST racist thing I have ever read on CC. </p>
<p>As a practicing Hindu, it just slides off me because I don’t really give a darn.</p>
<p>"Most of us foreigners are thick skinned and having made the 5000-10,000 mile journey to live in foreign lands, will find a way to ignore most insults that happen to us. "</p>
<p>That’s true. At least for me. I don’t care if someone insults me, I feel pity for him. </p>
<p>However, OP’s D is a teenager, not an adult. She was adopted. It may make her feel vulnerable.</p>
<p>I don’t care about insults because I have my family, my friends, my race, my history, my culture behind me. I have “thick skin”, because I see the tremendous resilience and success of “my folks”. She is just a teenager …</p>
<p>"which makes all generalizations based upon race, offensive. "</p>
<p>Black people, on average, get sunburn less often than white people. Generalization made on race? Yes. Offensive? No.</p>
<p>People, stop being soooooo sensitive.</p>
<p>I’d like to think that the majority of posters here tried to answer the OPs questions and contribute their perspective. Since the backgrounds vary, it makes sense that people would see this differently. I would expect that the OP would take the advice that works for her and disregard what does not. I wish her the best in her decision and hope her daughter finds a better fit school.</p>
<p>Me too. She sounds like a great kid. I am sorry this happened to her. Hearing how she generally handles peoples’ curiosity and weird statements with such grace it shows how bad her situation must have been.</p>
<p>Like Button, Pennylane. (and Lizardly)</p>
<p>And, I would also add that it’s often best to (try to) ignore the firing back about one word or sentence in a long, informative, bigger picture post on this forum that another poster picks up on and infers (with or without meaning to), a thought or personality trait or character or inaccurate opinion about a second poster here. (hard to do, we often want to respond to correct or repudiate that assumption, but it usually leads to sniping rather than advice, which is why we all post here in the first place)!</p>
<p>I truly appreciate all of the ideas, discussions, support and yes, even debate that my original post elicited. It has been helpful, comforting and revealing. As a family, we are sort of letting the idea of her transferring out of this particular college settle, and have decided to take it up in a family discussion (which will include her older sister, who lives in very diverse NYC) when we are together at Thanksgiving. I frankly would be surprised if she decides to stay where she is, but we firmly feel it must be <em>her</em> decision. I agree with those who stated that she will be dealing with race issues her entire life (as long as she lives in the US, at least … who knows? She plans to study in China and wants to work with orphaned children there, so she might end up there for years). Perhaps this is naive of me, but I had hoped for her not only to learn a lot at college, but also enjoy herself with new friends, new experiences and new ideas. It’s hard to do that when you feel you stick out like the proverbial sore thumb.</p>