<p>@CCstudent1234 Not exactly the converse but certainly less pretentious for lack of a better word… I think, contrary to your goal, there is less precision when you pepper your essay with words that most people don’t regularly use, many don’t know, and often don’t seem to fit. </p>
<p>@CCstudent1234 one more thing I meant to mention…above you said “through a combination of operant conditioning and articulate, eloquent debate, I got them to adjust to my style” , please remember you do not have the luxury of either of these processes when an ad com reads your essay only once and very quickly.</p>
<p>Will remember that :)</p>
<p>Wow, before I even looked at the comments I thought to myself "why is this person trying so hard to impress with vocab words that are rarely spoken, never mind put on paper. Everyone seemed to get the point across. I do understand how one can go through 18 yrs of life without much failure, making it difficult to comment on failure. I fear my DD will be having the same problem. Good Luck.</p>
<p>Thanks!</p>
<p>It sort of seems like you are trying to hard. I would suggest you try to sound more relax and down-to-earth, but I’m sure you’re a very good a writer and you’ll write a great essay. </p>
<p>Honestly, try a different prompt. An important aspect of the essay is to strike the right tone. Very few people can write about failure without coming across as being very negative. In your case, don’t write for this prompt. I’m sure there’s another that’s more applicable.</p>
<p>I think you may want to reevaluate the message that you are sending. I’m sure you HAVE experienced some kind of failure before albiet maybe not academic failure; it makes you seem boring because you make it seem like grades and school are your entire life. If you sit down and still cannot think of a time that you failed then I would probably make one up because you will seem extremely arrogant and pretentious. </p>
<p>I would also disclude the part where you talk about your parents dictating your life–if they were a main component in your academic success, then no adcom would want to invite you to their college where you will likely fail without parental guidance.</p>
<p>I have to agree with the others. If this is your genuine voice, try to modify it. It lacks humility. Some sentences are far too wordy and run on sentences lose effectiveness. I would pick a different topic and prompt altogether.</p>
<p>I didn’t read the essay, but a couple of warnings: In the future, don’t post your essay on the forum. This makes it incredibly easy for a random person to come and steal it for their own use. If you want people to give feedback, message one of the trusted essay readers who volunteered in the pinned thread in in the “College Essays” forum.</p>
<p>Also, I would urge you to not start your essay before spring of your junior year. You want your essay to reflect who you are, and it is very likely that you will not be exactly the same person in the fall of your senior year as you were the summer after sophomore year.</p>
<p>Good luck :)</p>