Hi CCC,
My American U. Regional Representative reached out to me earlier this week, and I thought that it’d be convenient and appropriate to introduce myself as well. I wrote this casual email, and just wanted to make sure that it comes off that way; instead of making me look like a pretentious try-hard creep. I want to make a good impression since this is my #1 school! Advice? Thoughts? Changes? I am a little skeptical of the end of the first sentence, but I’d love any ideas! Thanks!!!
Dear Ms. XXXXXX,
I recently received a letter addressed from the American University Department of Enrollment; signed by you. Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself as my regional admissions representative. My name is XXXXXX “XXX” XXXXXXX. I am a rising senior at the XXXXXXX of XXXXXX High School, in XXXXXXX, XX. I have high interest in American University; for its well-known programs in International Relations, and Photojournalism. AU is my #1 school right now. Last spring I visited twelve different college campuses in three days, (which I don’t recommend by the way…) American University was the only school that I felt truly met all of my needs, (personal, cultural, and academic,) that also felt “just-right” for me. I hold American University in high regards, and I hope to arrange an interview with you later this Fall. Until then I anticipate learning and receiving more information about American University, and its beautiful campus.
With regards,
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
Punctuation (commas and semi-colons are being misused). Replace “high” with “strong.” Cut the “high regards” part of 2nd to last sentence and just ask for the interview. Cut last sentence. Good luck!
It’s way too long, please don’t tell colleges things about them that they already know. AU is quite aware it has good programs in international relations. And they know they have a beautiful campus. And the fact that you think it’s a good fit for YOU is irrelevant to them.
If you want an interview, just say that. Don’t beat around the bush.
Try to do it in 3 sentences. Who you are, am interested in speaking with you more, thanks so much.
Generic. You could write an identical letter to any college. And they don’t care you visited 12 on a whirlwind (ie, probably superficial) tour and “decided” you like this one best.
Your purpose in writing isn’t clear. Lots of kids think sending a note is expressing “interest.” But if you send something vague, you don’t magically get an “interest” tick on a checklist. Plus, you don’t need their mailings to learn what you need to. Sorry.
Include a specific question or set an interview date. The email needs a purpose that requires action on either your part or the school’s. Don’t just email to introduce yourself. I can’t imagine any admission rep wanting to read introductory emails from thousands or even hundreds of potential applicants.
Im going to email the admissions officer from American for my area soon too. Im going to mention that Im visiting campus in a few weeks and ask her a few questions in the email. Ask her a few questions, and did u do the webinar?
Please ask questions that cannot otherwise be answered in American’s marketing materials or website. Think how frustrating it must be for these adcons to receive dozens or even hundreds of emails with easily answered questions.
^ Not just frustrating; think of how they react to kid who ask questions instead of doing that reading.
I think you worked hard on it, but I would not send a note. The American website tells you what number to call to arrange an interview. Follow the instructions that are clearly laid out by the school. Admission officers are not looking for extra things to read that don’t have a specific purpose and won’t be impressed by someone who cannot research online and follow simple directions.
http://www.american.edu/admissions/interviews.cfm