Read my (hopefully) funny supplements

Colleges and Universities A-Z Barnard College
1

Hey everyone, would love any thoughts. I just wanted to have fun with 1 app. I just wrote these - first draft, no edits yet. I haven’t started on the third one.

  1. What factors influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College and why do you think the College would be a good match for you?"

"I want to attend Barnard because of it’s 3-2 engineering program with Columbia. The 3-2 engineering program is important to me because I don’t want to be an engineer in the future that’s stuck in a one dimensional job. Getting an initial, holistic, liberal arts education, especially at Barnard where the community is engaging and supportive, is exactly what I want in order to propel my future career as an engineer. And I’d love to spend another year paying ivy-league tuition. Dreams really do come true sometimes.

The reason I’m sure you’ve never heard before is New York! Barnard is close to the Upper East Side. I’ve only visited New York once and I wasn’t even near Barnard but I’ve watched all of Gossip Girl twice, so I’m pretty much an expert.

Lastly, according to a site called noodle.com, where students post about their school, Barnard is diverse, engaging, and prestigious. Thank you, Barnard alumna!"

  1. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?

"Without a doubt, Hillary Clinton. She is one of the most intelligent women on this planet, and she’s one of your most famous alumni of course! Wait - is this not Wellesley?

Anyways, an ideal day with Hillary would start off in her sprawling Washington D.C. mansion that she most definitely did not buy using the all the money from Wall Street she has never gotten. We would have tea, and talk about her challenges being a woman in a predominantly male work area. Hillary ran twice for presidency on the platform that she would not make radical changes. I would ask her why she didn’t change her policy the second time to something more action-oriented or appealing to the majority of voters. Also, I would probably ask her to considering hire me as her head of PR, because the way she tried to reach out to millennials last election was, at best, horrid. After all boring political questions aside, I would ask her to confirm or deny all of the conspiracy theories about her. 1) Is she really a lizard from outer space? 2) What about pizzagate? 3) Uranium to Russia?

However, thinking she would actually answer these questions would be naive, so the majority of the hour would be me in awe of how someone can answer questions without actually answering them, a skill I have yet to learn, but will one day. Perhaps I’ll learn it while taking courses at Columbia."

2

Ouch.

For starters, it’s never a good idea to post your responses online. Now the plagiarism checkers can catch you for stealing your own words, if someone else doesn’t get to them first.

Next, it’s probably NOT a good idea to say you want to go to Barnard because it’s in NY. LOTS of schools are in NY-- you could attend Manhattan Community College for far less money. I would find real reasons-- and there are lots of them-- beyond geography.

I’m hoping you’re just having fun, and that your real answers will give the reader a reason to say yes to your application. Know that this is a competition, and that the other applicants will have given real thought to their answers, trying to convince the reader that they want Barnard and that Barnard should want them.

The right adcom might share your sense of humor. The wrong one will see you as immature, and unworthy of a spot at such a prestigious school. Are you willing to take the chance that the right person will read your application?

3

I definitely would advise against your main point for why you want to attend a school being their connection with another school. Your Hillary essay comes off as mocking the question and thus the school. Lots of grammatical errors and sentences that are hard to follow. I will echo the above comment and say comedy is hit or miss and usually to much of a risk to be a focus.

4

First of all – I get that your answers are an attempt at humor.

And it can work – my daughter wrote humorous essays and short answers for her apps to Chicago and NYU… but I think that her tone was more charming, as her humor tends to be self-deprecating rather than mocking. Also, my daughter chose a more serious tone for her Barnard essays – and I think that part of it was the nature of the questions asked. For example, NYU had a short answer question that asked something along the lines of, “what did you do last weekend?” - which was something of an opening for an imaginative or humorous answer.

Unfortunately, I agree with the others - your answers aren’t funny – and they don’t really help your application in any way. Instead they come across as sarcastic and suggesting that you don’t really want to attend Barnard at all. “I’d love to spend another year paying ivy-league tuition.” Really?

Barnard is on the upper west side of Manhattan, by the way, not upper east – it’s not clear whether that’s the joke you are trying to make, or whether you really don’t understand the basics of NY and the transit system. (It’s easier to use NY transit north/south than east/west). But it’s just another example of an attempt at humor that would probably fall flat with New Yorkers. (Rather than, say, something tied to life on the upper west side that would resonate).

Here is what Barnard (and all colleges) want in their “why this college” question: They want to know what you will bring to the college, that will benefit them. Why should they choose you over other equally qualified applicants? The first paragraph of your answer is just, “I want, I want” and the second two are essentially wasted space. Instead, focus on why your interest in the 3-2 engineering program makes you a good addition to the Barnard class.

Now obviously you are a high school student so that question can be tricky, but the point is to tie your interests to something you will do, not something that you are asking Barnard to do for you.

And the woman in history to converse with essay could very well be a great vehicle for humor, but yours comes off as mean-spirited.

So I’d suggest taking a step back. Do you really want to attend Barnard? If so, then write an application that will make the admissions committee like you. You can charm with humor, but you can also offend.

And if your “fun” answers are really a reflection that you really are uncertain about whether you would want to attend Barnard…then save yourself the trouble and don’t apply. I mean, why waste your time writing essays that simply provide the ad com with really good reasons to reject you?

5

The good news is although you have committed a big CC no-no, posting your responses on the internet, I’m reasonably sure you don’t have to worry about anyone plagerizing such an offensive essay. I hope this was a joke.

6

This was one of the most cringiest things I’ve ever read. Your essays sound like you’re mocking the institution and that’s a no.

7

Maybe it was a good idea after all for @unhreal to post essays on this site. A loud and clear signal to start over. Hopefully it’s not too late. Reading this I wonder though where the college counselor was. Ours provided guidance and proofread essays before submitting applications.

8

i’d have to agree with the comments here, barnard wouldn’t find these answers humorous because 1) you’re degrading their institution even if its a joke 2.) it sounds like youre forcing the humor. if the humor can’t come off naturally, try to just write serious answers that actually show you as an intellectual and show the depth of your thinking and mind.

9

I’m not trying to get into this school. I don’t care about Barnard, however fantastic it is. I’ve been so over college applications and writing about the organization I’ve founded and being 16 entering into college and loving engineering and computer science.

These responses really made me laugh. I’m so sorry so many of you are offended! hahahaha. I love CC

10

Then why did you waste our time?

11

Hmmm… sounds a bit like Sour Grapes.

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MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Closing this thread as the users who frequent the site would rather help students with real issues and the OP admits to living under a bridge.

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