Recovering from a really bad semester

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>I am an international student studying at one of top US engineering schools. I had a really good first semester when I was able to get a really high, almost perfect GPA, I made a lot of friends including some pretty good ones and even had time to enjoy plenty of exercise and sport which have always been my favorite pastime. All seemed good, I went back to my home country, had a good time and came back more relaxed and ready to start the new semester. My goals were different though. I did not want anymore to do just last-minute studying for all my classes as I did in my first semester. Although it gave me high GPA, I thought my knowledge from first semester was very fragile and I wanted to change it, I planned to study to get a good level of understanding this time, not just GPA. </p>

<p>So the semester started. I registered for a few pretty tough sophomore and junior-level classes along with my freshman level classes as my advisor recommended. I was ready to make this semester an even better experience. However suddenly things started falling apart so fast. A few bad days in the second week changed into a few bad weeks and then it all changed into a horrible semester. Right now I might fail more than half of my classes and I will definitely go on academic probation. At times during the semester I felt really bad and didn't know what was going on with my life so I used to feel really bad and depressed at times, what made way less social as well. I feel like I distanced myself from all my friends, fortunately not bad enough to lose them. Unlike in the first semester I exercised and played sports sporadically, I told myself I don't have time, but mostly I just did nothing, thinking how I screwed up and that I won't be able to get A's anyway. Later those thoughts changed into B's, C's and mere passing at the end.</p>

<p>I feel I have a general knowledge where I failed, what and how should I improve. However for now on it's very hard for me to just forget this semester. This summer I have a research work in the lab, I want to study and learn some stuff I like to including what I did bad at this semester, unlike my grades suggest, I actually enjoyed the concepts. I also want to get closer to my friends again, start playing sports regularly again and get back to form and possibly sign up for some leadership opportunities, find a paid job (my research is unpaid). It all seems good. But whenever I actually start doing stuff, at some point I will get distracted by thoughts concerning this last semester. The environment I grew up in was very success-driven and everybody expected a lot from me when I went to study abroad. That's why I feel very embarrassed and even scared to talk to my parents or friends back home for too long, I just keep on making excuses I do not have time. All the time I get hit by thoughts that I disappointed myself, everybody I was close to. I feel like I messed up all my chances for good GPA, any good, paid research job next summer or even graduate school. I wonder that if I wanted to change my life this last semester and become more focused, better student but failed miserably, why would I ever succeed? What if somebody from my current research group asks me for GPA or finds out I am on academic probation? Whenever those thoughts hit I lose my focus and literally start doing nothing again, without seeing the purpose. At this point I am pretty confused what to do, how to treat this situation. I should come to the lab tomorrow then hang out with some of my friends, I feel too embarrass and useless to do either. I want to recover but not sure how, I cannot just erase last four months from my memory or life. Can anybody offer any tips, did anybody go through the same problem?</p>

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<p>First, no one will ask your gpa, not your friends at school, and you don’t need to tell your friends at home, that is none of their business. I never knew my daughter’s gpa, ever and I never asked. I just know she graduated, that is the main point. She also went to grad school. I do know she had at least one rocky semester. If your parents ask, you can decide if it is worth discussing or not, depending on if they will be supportive or understanding or not.</p>

<p>One bad semester is not going to matter in the end if you get back on track. I don’t suppose there is anything you can do at this point, but you might want to talk to your professors to see. Since you are going to be there over the summer you can find out if there in anyway to take an Incomplete and do extra work or take the final later. I did that before ages ago.</p>

<p>Next it is clear that you over reached by taking advanced classes, right? Do Not Do That Again. You are only a freshman and need to pace yourself. There is no reason to take advanced classes so soon. Just take what you need to be on track and fix your academic probation if that happens. Since you are going to be there over the summer, can you take one class, either as a repeat to replace a grade or an easier class to help your gpa and your confidence?</p>

<p>There are some psychology tips that help with trying not to go over and over past events, doing no good to you. Make an appointment with the counseling center so you get back to better thinking patterns. You can also do some reading about cognitive behavior techniques or Mindfulness, but I really recommend you go over there tomorrow and talk to someone.</p>

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<p>You can get back on track again if you learn from your experiences. Don’t beat yourself up about it, but don’t ignore it either. One of the most important traits for success is resilience—the capacity to recover from difficulties and to use your problems as a way to learn problem solving. Don’t be afraid to get help to assist you in doing that. </p>

<p>This article has some suggestions for college students: <a href=“http://www.careervision.org/about/Stressed_Students_Build_Resiliency.htm”>http://www.careervision.org/about/Stressed_Students_Build_Resiliency.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;