<p>DD applied and was accepted to a school she considers one of her "safeties." She'd probably find things to like about it if she were to go there, and they have made her a nice offer. She's waiting to hear from some other schools. </p>
<p>Earlier this evening we got a call from a woman who was an alum, and was calling D to answer any questions, etc. D. is out of town and I told the woman that, and told her I was D.'s mom and I'd be happy to get her name/info and have D. call if she has questions. </p>
<p>We chatted for a minute and it was all fine and she asked if D. was considering her school and I hedged a bit. I told the woman D. would not be hearing from her other choices until April so it was early yet to know what her preference was. She asked if her school was "the kind of school" in terms of size, location,e etc. and I did volunteer that D's criteria included out of state and a slight preference for Catholic schools. Then she asked if D. was at public or private high school and I said public. Then things got weird. She started on this long story about her kids and how her oldest son went to "public school" for the first time in his life this year and I finally figured out she was talking about a state flagship university--yeah, public but hardly public high school, where you have lots of kids that will never see college. She started rambling about how he was at a party and some black kids showed up and pulled a gun at the party. After going on she said how she'd never, ever send another kid of hers to public school and was my daughter thinking of going to U of (Our State) because, you know, those BLACK kids just go around pulling GUNS out at parties. </p>
<p>I asked her if she knew my daughter was black and there was a stunned silence on the phone. (She isn't, but I was so shocked I couldn't think of any better way to make the point that she was completely out of line). I have her name and phone number, because I offered to take the message.</p>
<p>I think I should email the admissions office and tell them this woman should NOT be representing their school. I also think my daughter should not go to school there!</p>
<p>Wow. I'm sorry you had that experience, Mombot. Yesterday a student from the University of Pittsburgh called S to see if he had any questions. S was not available, and I talked to the student for a short time and he couldn't have been nicer. I agree that people who call your home are ambassadors for a school, and I definitely think you should report this woman's extremely racist comments. However, while it's understandable that you'd be influenced by such a negative experience, I know you realize that one person does not an institution make...especially since this bigot is not a current student or professor. I hope you and your D will still be able to keep an open mind. Good luck!</p>
<p>
[quote]
I asked her if she knew my daughter was black and there was a stunned silence on the phone. (She isn't, but I was so shocked I couldn't think of any better way to make the point that she was completely out of line)
<p>definitely contact the admissions office and let them know what happened!! Clearly she wanted to tell a story of how how horrible State would be in order to steer kids to her (presumably safe) alma-mater, and in her circle of friends it is perhaps agreed that minority kids are armed and dangerous. </p>
<p>The problem is two-fold. First, that the school has a racist person making calls on their behalf. Second, that it can leave such a negative impression of the school that your D may reject a school that may actually be a fit for her due to a racist alum making such a poor impression. And you say just that, writing "I also think my daughter should not go to school there!" Now if this is the shared opinion at this school I would agree, but I think you'd also agree that you can find racist people at any school or employer you care to name. </p>
<p>My sincere belief is you just happened to hit one of these racist people, and so I suggest doing 2 things: 1) call, don't email, the admission office to let them know what happened as soon as possible. 2) don't mention this to your D or her view of the school will be irreparably stained.</p>
<p>BTW, and this is sure to come up, please don't name the school on this forum. If that view is indeed characteristic of the people at that school they deserve all the scorn they get, but at this point I think it should be attributed to one person and not the institution.</p>
<p>Do call admissions and let them know. I am sure that admissions would not want that alum making any more recruiting calls.</p>
<p>And more evidence about the truth of that this research that was mentioned in Inside Higher Education. There's lots of racism that goes on behind closed doors. Given how society has changed during the past decades, I imagine that there's more racism that goes on with middle aged adults than with college students. </p>
<p>"Racist Banter Behind Closed Doors
At a large Midwestern university, several white friends get together for drinks. One person makes a racial joke, another starts singing a song filled with derogatory words. A student makes a greeting card with the ‘N-word’ written on it and passes it around the room, despite objections from a few others. No one outside the group hears the banter or sees the card.</p>
<p>student who participated in a scholarly study in which he was asked to observe conversations happening around him that involved race. In a forthcoming book, a researcher at the University of Dayton identifies hundreds of these journal entries describing what she considers to be racist conversations or events that are often tolerated when the white students are talking among themselves.</p>
<p>The results might help shed light on the controversial parties at numerous colleges that involved white students wearing blackface and dressing in stereotypical ghetto garb on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.</p>
<p>“What strikes me is how common these antics are and how casually students say the ‘N-word’,” said Leslie H. Picca, one of the book’s co-authors and an assistant professor of sociology at Dayton. “What the MLK parties show is that there isn’t an awareness among white students that their actions are problematic, even if black students aren’t around to hear....'”</p>
<p>"I asked her if she knew my daughter was black and there was a stunned silence on the phone."</p>
<p>Best reply ever. </p>
<p>I were you, I think I would call your D's admission's rep and speak with them about alumna gone wild. If they are suitably horrified, the school may well be just fine, and you were simply talking to one wacky woman. Every year, CC gets posts about dreadful calls and surreal alumni interviews. As HeliMom says, one person is not the institution. My guess, however, is that its going to fly right off your D's list. I respectfully disagree with Mikemac about not telling your D - its four years of her life. However, I do agree about not mentioning the schools name on just one alumni call.</p>
<p>
[quote]
BTW, and this is sure to come up, please don't name the school on this forum. If that view is indeed characteristic of the people at that school they deserve all the scorn they get, but at this point I think it should be attributed to one person and not the institution.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Actually, I think this is exactly the kind incident where the college should be identified. This woman was calling as an official representative of the college's admissions office.</p>
<p>My discomfort is two-fold. First is the obvious one--the racism and the fear-mongering about bad, bad state schools. I forgot the other tidbit she left me with--somebody in her son's dorm committed suicide; again the implication was that private school students don't? Riiiight...</p>
<p>I know the school itself is not that way at all and I know they'd be horrified, and I looked up the Dean of Admissions and found her photo on the school website, and she is an African-American woman. </p>
<p>The reason I think this is maybe not a fit for D is that I know this particular sub-species of Catholic parent. They are concerned, they are fearful, they want to shelter their children from EVERYTHING, and they have the leisure and the money to do so. What proportion of the student body at this school is the type of overindulged, overprotected, unthinking teen that parents of this ilk tend to produce? I logged a decade in parochial schools and there are good reasons "parochial" is used as shorthand for "ignorant but smug." Everybody is not like that at all, and the teachers and faculty are not that way but there IS a group of parents that think Catholic school is some kind of magic bullet against things that make them uncomfortable, like divorce or drugs or depression or suicide, or people who don't look and act like them.</p>
<p>I agree, report the incident to the school...I suspect they don't have a clue that's going on! You'd think with all the reports of racist parties, and the Duke scandal still not resolved...I guess that may tell you something else about the school--she's an alum--she actually graduated from this school and yet doesn't know enough to keep to avoid blabbing her racist beliefs over the phone to total strangers. Sound like her education left her sadly lacking in a few areas...</p>
<p>
[quote]
What proportion of the student body at this school is the type of overindulged, overprotected, unthinking teen that parents of this ilk tend to produce?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Thank you. That one sentence eloquently states the sort of thing that I think more parents and students should be thinking about when they evaluate colleges.</p>
<p>BTW, diversity stats and percentage of students receiving need based aid are two good places to start looking for answers, at least from a statistical standpoint.</p>
<p>This school is way diverse--but sheesh-it seems like the more diverse the community, the more visible is a segment of white suburbanites that get this bunker mentality where they act like sending your kid to public school is about as responsible as sending them to lick the floors in a crack house.</p>
<p>I'd just like to add to the growing list of kudos for your quick thinking in your response! </p>
<p>It reminds me of a time when my son was in 8th grade and another parent in our community asked me which high school he was planning to attend -- our district has open enrollment, and the nearest high school to us is extremely diverse because of a somewhat innovative magnet program. When I mentioned my son's plans, the other parent told me in somewhat hushed tones that I really should consider the other high school in town - which had a majority of white kids, because there were "too many people of color" at the chosen school. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I didn't have such a great retort at my disposal, as the woman knew my son. All I could do was to steer a wide berth away from her after that. It always bugged me that I didn't have some sort of snappy comeback. But in a way I was glad she said that, because later on some other parents also volunteered that they didn't think the high school was a good "fit" or the "best place" for my son... and I was more alert to the "code" that might be hidden in those comments. (The high school actually was a perfect fit for my son's learning style -- my son loved it there and really thrived).</p>
<p>I agree that you should definitely inform the school. Please fill us in on how they respond. If they apologize but brush it off, then I'd take that as a very negative point of the school, but if the school responds very well to you, apologizes sincerely, follows-up, and goes above and beyond, then I wouldn't write the school off completely because of a very lousy alum choice. The school can do its best to pick alums who represent the school, are friendly, knowledgeable, and respectful, but there's going to be a bad apple every now and again. What matters, at least to me, is how the University responds.</p>
<p>I must say, I like your style! Definitely talk to admissions about this. Recruiting based on fear is bad enough, but the racist thing is bottom of the barrel.</p>
<p>Good reply mombot. And yes, definitely do contact admissions about your concerns with the convo with this one aluma.</p>
<p>However I would not let one wayward alum taint the entire college. There are graduates like this or worse than this one from every college in the country.</p>
<p>A friend's mom was a graduate from Smith College and the first time we met she turned the conversation to colleges then blurted out that she was a graduate "from one of THOSE colleges". Her husband, a P'ton grad, sprouted a wry smile and rolled his eyes. I politely ask her what college she attended and when she answered "Smith", I said "Yes, I understand that Paul Smith is a nice community colleges in the Adirondacks". Her hubby gave me a facial thumbs up and she gave a sputtering correction.</p>
<p>And if I had a daughter I would not let this party patter reflect poorly on Smith College.</p>
<p>Mombot, I was right with you until you said, "The reason I think this is maybe not a fit for D is that I know this particular sub-species of Catholic parent." I'm sure you don't mean to bash Catholic parents, or those who send their kids to private schools, but this does seem to be a sweeping statement. By the way, I think you SHOULD report this person to the Dean of Admissions. I just wish you'd left out the "Catholic" generalization -- many Catholic parents would find this woman's remarks repugnant, and it's not representative of the type of instruction or attitudes that prevail at Catholic schools these days.</p>
<p>sjmom - unfortunately this generalization is pretty accurate around my area, the suburban tri-state NY/NJ. This is a very common reason for parents to put kids in a parochial school, and for some reason they aren't even concerned about telling one and all that is why. Like the caller they aren't even quiet about it.
In my area -imho-these parents are the children of families that fled "block-busting" in nearby towns. They relocated along certain pathways. They reinforce each other's belief system. Most of the ones I know never even looked at the "dangerous, crime filled" schools. They just "knew" and never found out the public schools had far more to offer than the small parochial school they picked.
It's not that Catholics are like this, but it is true that some Catholics with kids in private school put them there mainly for this reason and are happy to yack about it.
I don't think in general Catholics are wildly racist. I don't think this is ever taught in Catholic schools. I think if the Catholics stopped charity work half the world would starve.</p>
<p>Great job, Mombot. I am sorry about your encounter with the alum. I am in agreement with you assement of SOME of the Catholic Schools' sense of superiorty which is exteremly hypocritical. Our family has had enough of this and we are actually pulling our 2 little Ds out of the local Catholic grade school because of it. I am not tolerant of the underlying racism under the guise of " sacraficing to send our children to a school where Christian Values are taught and having the ability to shelter our children from the evils of the outside world"( which was stated by the Priest at Catholic Schools Week Mass for the parents) when in reality there is a strong sense of elitism present. We are seeing more elitism than we can bear. I am over the guilt of not sending my younger children to a Catholic School when I had sent my older Ss for 10 years. I think my Ds will grow up to appreciate diversity by experiencing diversity rather than simply talking about it. Don't get me wrong in that I DO value a Catholic education. My own expeirence(13 yrs) and my sons' were outstanding. But it is time for all us us to ACT as our religion directs us. Not all Catholic or private schools are as hypocritcal as what my family is seeing or what the Alum represented herself (and therefore the school) to be. The majortiy of the schools are doing an excellent job. It is our responsibilty not to tolerate racism when we do see it. Good for you. Report the Alum.</p>