<p>It's been a year since my son was auditioning and I am nostalgic because now he's off at school and I miss him! I recall that first rejection letter from the first audition - and how it made me think that perhaps he would not get in anywhere. I remember being told that he only had to get into one program, and he eventually got into several, programs better suited for him. It is part of the process, but not the easiest part for sure, especially for parents!</p>
<p>For what its worth I ran the above scenario by D for her thoughts. She said absolutely hold onto the letter until after the audition. </p>
<p>I concur. It would be the rare 18yo who could take rejection from something they really wanted to do and turn that into inspiration.</p>
<p>Sarahsmom,
Haven't some UMich auditioners already received their no's but not their maybes? That is what the text-message tree says.
Our son auditions tomorrow at Illinois Wesleyan, and next Wednesday for U of Miami and Webster.
He's starting to have the "I won't get in anywhere" blues.
BUT, I have known UMich to accept kids off the wait list if they're high enough up.</p>
<p>Just a quick post about holding on to the rejection letters. I won't go into the details, but my husband and I decided to do just that last year and it blew up in our face--BIG TIME!! I'm not saying do not do it, but maybe have a chat with your child before making that decision for them. It is so hard to know the right thing to do.</p>
<p>CT MOM,</p>
<p>What happened? I have to admit that I was very unpopular last year on this forum when I admitted holding a very thin envelope that arrived the DAY BEFORE an audition that my D was nervous enough about. What's a couple of days, I thought. In my case it was not a big deal, no backlash, thank goodness. She smiled when I told her on Monday what I did, and gave her the rejection (as it turned out), she knew I was only trying to help. I just want to fess up that others of us have also done the unthinkable!</p>
<p>Our kids tend to be their own worst critics and walk out of auditions with their own self appraisals and, at times, doubts that can be tougher than an auditor's. How I would react to the "thin letter" would depend on the timing. If it was at least a few days before an audition, so that there was time to process it, deal with the emotions and perhaps use it for motivation and focus, I wouldn't run interference. Our kids need to learn to deal with the disappointments of a tough competitive business. If the day of or only a day before the audition, then I would hide it and put it back in the incoming mail on the first day after the audition and not say a word about its earlier arrival. No salient beneficial purpose would be served by having a kid's confidence shaken just before an audition. They are nervous enough as it is and unless already having acceptances in hand, feel enough pressure as it is. Sneaky? Sure it is, but why shouldn't we, as parents, be a bit protective of our kids under appropriate circumstances. It really is a question of knowing your own kid and the particular circumstances presented. But if you are going to be sneaky, you better be damn good at it, or as others have stated, there could be hell to pay if trust issues get implicated.</p>
<p>Melsmom --</p>
<p>I don't think that's unthinkable. I probably would have done the exact same thing!</p>
<p>MichaelNKat</p>
<p>I agree with what you have said but I wouldn’t use the word “sneaky” as it has a negative connotation. I was taught that honesty is not the best policy when it will harm someone unnecessarily or could potentially harm them unnecessarily.</p>
<p>I have run this scenario by six people now and have gotten a unanimous “hold the letter” response. Now you could argue that I am surrounded by like minded idiots but I don’t think so. In mathematics you use extremes to make a point so how about this one…</p>
<p>Your son is going to compete in the Olympics in 3 days, something he has been working towards for a decade. Today you find out that you have terminal cancer. Do you tell him?</p>
<p>No. No way.</p>
<p>Ok--if you really must know!! Less than an hour before my S and husband left for home to travel to his Syracuse audition, we received a thin letter in the mail from Ithaca. Without opening it, we could tell that it was a rejection letter. He had no acceptances under his belt at this time (mid-Jan. '06) and given the timing, we decided to hold the letter until after his audition. Well, he came back from his Syracuse audition very excited and confident as it had gone very well (he later got accepted). This is where we messed up...he had his NYU and CMU auditions within that next week and we decided to let him ride his wave of success so to speak on to his next couple auditions. Then we would give him the letter. During school that week, my S went to his guidance counselor and asked him why he had not received his letter from Ithaca. OK, this is the really bad part...his guidance counselor called Ithaca and pressured them into telling my son on the phone about his acceptance/rejection! Of course his guidance counselor had no idea what we had done and we felt absolutely terrible to have put him and my son in that position. The good news is my S was very understanding about the whole thing, but I still cringe when I think about it. Later he said that he was glad that we had not given him the letter before his Syracuse audition, but wished we would have given it to him after.</p>
<p>Lisa,</p>
<p>Exactly! No way.</p>
<p>CT Mom</p>
<p>I would have done the same thing without regrets.</p>
<p>Thanks CT Mom for sharing, yours was probably the worst case scenario, and I don't think it was THAT bad. I'm sure your son doesn't think so either as your heart was in the right place :)</p>
<p>Well, the mailman just left and no letter from UMich. Maybe it does mean that she's been rejected, only put in the "decision delayed" list. I'll just have to weigh the situation if something comes later next week.
You guys have been so great and I really appreciate all of the honest replies because it gives this discussion depth. It's easy to talk about how wonderful our kids are, but we can only be supportive of one another if we can share the tough stuff too.</p>
<p>Wally, I don't think we can equate not getting into an MT program with being told a parent has terminal cancer. Yes, not getting into a coveted college program is no doubt going to be a crushing disappointment, but nowhere on the same level as being told a beloved parent is sure to die before his or her time! That said, I am not sure what I would do in this whole situation. I think the best thing to do is to talk the issue over with one's child ahead of time, so you have an understanding.</p>
<p>Not Mama Rose,</p>
<pre><code> It's all relative, and it's very difficult to really understand what you would do unless you have a child in this situation. Stress and fear can distroy the best of plans. We've prepared for rejection letters and know that almost NO ONE gets into every school, but that does not mean that a rejection from a favorite school would not be pretty disheartening and serve to deflate one's confidence if it came the day or two before a big audition. I'll be interested to hear how you feel about this next year when your own D is going through it.
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<p>Sarahsmom42, I hope my post to Wally (saying that I do not think one can honestly equate the disappointment -- crushing though it may be and no doubt will be to my own D, when the time comes -- of being rejected from a school to being told a parent is dying of cancer) did not, in any way, sound as if I was criticizing you. If it did, I am truly and honestly sorry, because my post was meant solely to say that I don't think the two (rejection from a school and the terror of losing a loved a parent) are commensurate. (I just thought it was a bad example.) That is why I said that I did not know <em>what</em> I will do in the same circumstances, and that this thread will no doubt prompt me to talk to my D about this very thing beforehand. You are a gazillion percent correct in saying that stress and fear can be devastating and that knowing in one's head that no one gets into every school doesn't do much to take away the searing pain and disappointment that occurs when a student finds out that a school doesn't want him or her. Again, that is why I said that I am glad I can think about this whole thing beforehand and discuss it with my D. Even so, it <em>is</em> difficult to know what I will do -- and how she will react -- until we go through it. You're right, and I never meant to imply otherwise. In peace!</p>
<p>I think the advice about running it by your child in advance as a hypothetical situation is very wise. It's all about control- and if you give it to your child in advance by asking what they would prefer, you can't lose. </p>
<p>I work in a college counseling center, and I can tell you that I frequently hear from students how much they resent it when a parent keeps something important from them so it won't mess up their final exams. If you discuss and come to agreement about how the situation will be handled before it arises, you've eliminated the risk of having your good intentions backfire. </p>
<p>On the other hand, if you can pull off MichaelNKat's scenario and not get caught, that might work as well (smile)</p>
<p>Not Mama Rose, </p>
<pre><code>No worries & no offense taken! I was just thinking that no one can predict how they will react to a particularly sad or stressful situation. I think that what Breatheasy says is very true. I just ran it by my D hypothetically and she said, "If a letter came the day or two before, I'd want you to hold it until we got back from the weekend. Bad news can wait a day or two!"
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<p>Good, Sarahsmom. I did not want you to think I was somehow trying to pass judgment when, as you pointed out, I have not been in that situation. I have the greatest, GREATEST empathy for what students and parents go through in this very tough process, and am not looking forward to being in it myself next year. Then I will be in your shoes. That is why I am so grateful for this list.</p>
<p>My D received a rejection this week after what she thought was a very successful audition (and she is hard on herself)...I considered not giving her the letter... after reading the news, she took it hard. She shed many tears, but the next morning she woke up with renewed faith and spirit (the rejection fueled her). We shopped for a new blouse, she switched audition pieces and she is armed with determination with 5 more auditions to go. I can not wait until this process is behind us; it is so stressful for the whole family. I admire my daughter's strenth and conviction. It is a tough journey, but she will reach the summit.</p>