Repeal letter for UCSB

Hi, I have just been wait listed for UC Santa barbara and it was one of my top choices!
I am an ib diploma candidate, so i take 6 ib classes a year and APs, i do loads of community service, i tutor elementary school kids, i am varsity golf captain and played varsity soccer.
i have about a 92 avg unweighted, 94 weighted.
I had a concussion in the fall causing me to do very poorly on my act getting a 25.
I am repealing my application

Here is my essay… what do you think?

Dear UC Santa Barbara Admissions Committee,

My name is XX from NY and I have been waitlisted at UC Santa Barbara. Ever since the beginning of August 2014, when I visited UCSB I new it was the place I wanted to spend my four years of college.
I am a botanist at heart. I love nature and enjoying all it has to offer. Which is why it was so clear to me that for my life career I wanted to do my part in preserving the environment and world we live in, becoming a Environmental studies major. I new I wanted to do something like this since I was 5 years old taking environmental and gardening camps. And through the years it has only solidified even further. As an IB diploma candidate I have spent hours creating a greener environment in our school, striving to adopt meatless Mondays, have done presentations behind peoples incentives to act on climate change and I have finished righting my EE (extended essay) on the environmental impact of the Americans meat production system.
A recent honor I have just received was my group of 3 and I winning best in New York State for the an app challenge. We built an app which tracks a person’s carbon footprint through an input of their various activates and consumptions throughout the day. It was a huge honor for my team, my school and myself. (I will attach articles to this letter)
As a member of my High School, I strived to be the most actively involved I could in my 4 years, while challenging my self with and AP and IB course load. I strived to be the best I could be and never let anyone bring me down. Which is why I was mortified when I had a severe concussion in the fall of my senior year which did bring me down. With symptoms lasting over 4 months, my preparations and taking of the standardized tests were almost impossible. I have no doubt in my mind that I am as smart and committed then any other candidate for UCSB and I hope that when analyzing these scores this is taken into consideration.
Since the 9th grade I have been asking my mom to visit UC Santa Barbara. And when we finally planned a trip last summer, I insisted it be our first stop. Walking down the sunny courtyards and hearing about sustainability aspects of UCSB was like a dream. I was flabbergasted by the UCSB’s “zero net energy” recreation center and insane amount of bikes traveling past me. Walking through the campus I could not help but smile and picture my self here the following year. The UCSB environment offers everything I could have hoped in a school and new that I wanted to be a Gaucho.

Thank you for your time and hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
XX

Edited out specifics
ED

There are a lot of errors in your essay and I don’t think UCSB will take your appeal seriously if you don’t fix them.
Some things I noticed immediately:

  1. You need a comma after your town. (e.g town name, NY)
  2. “knew” not “new”
  3. The whole essay itself just sounds awkward. There are too many run on sentences and sentence fragments.
  4. You contradict yourself when you say that you are as smart and committed as any other candidate in that very same sentence. It should be “…committed than any other candidate” not “…committed then any other candidate”

Edited out specifics
ED

The definition of repeal: verb (used with object) 1. to revoke or withdraw formally or officially

cameels, you sound like you have your heart set on ucsb which does show through in your letter.

Along with the errors already pointed out: Writing, not righting in 2nd paragraph.

I suggest that you have your English teacher review your letter. It is not constructed very well.
Also, an appeal letter should speak of information that was not in your original application essay. If you already mentioned these things, then they will not consider your appeal. Best of luck!