<p>My daughter is an excellent, dedicated and disciplined student but she is very reserved. I don't mean to say that she is shy, she is just reserved, meaning that she is very self-contained. The result of this is that she does not feel a need to join every club and committee possible and has not developed close relationships with any teachers. She has never sought out leadership positions, but when working in groups, she always takes charge and other students seem to defer to her.</p>
<p>Now I'm getting worried that she is going to have a difficult time getting excellent recommendations from any teachers. Last year's swim coach selected her to be this year's team captain because he felt the team needed "strong leadership," but he has moved on and is not available to write a recommendation.</p>
<p>I'm not worried about whether or not she'll be admitted to the schools to which she applies, but I am worried about scholarships. So many of the applications leave a "very large" space to list ECs and leadership experiences. </p>
<p>Do any of you have any experience with a student like this? It may be the case that her teachers are more aware of her than she realizes, but if that's the case, how will she know?</p>
<p>I thought the same of my d, who is not so much reserved as not paying attention (so I thought).<br>
However, when emailing her teacher in his capacity as academic director, and asking him if he had any suggestions for encouraging her to be more hard-working, this teacher floored me by telling me she asks a lot of questions in his class and oftentimes gets the discussion rolling as a result.<br>
He also said she was in a group (that alone shocked me) who came to him after school for more help before the upcoming exam, and he thought she could be a real asset to that group if she stayed in it. She somehow always got the point or could explain it well or whatever.</p>
<p>I was amazed at my d’s activities and this teacher’s noticing. </p>
<p>I recall my d telling me at her last school that depending on the group, she often quietly took charge, too. If they needed her, she stepped up.</p>
<p>Don’t underestimate her teachers. They are experienced at noticing and remembering and writing recommendations. If she has contributed at all in a class, chances are great that the teacher remembers. Just ask her in which class does she give her point of view occasionally.</p>
<p>“The result of this is that she does not feel a need to join every club and committee possible and has not developed close relationships with any teachers. She has never sought out leadership positions, but when working in groups, she always takes charge and other students seem to defer to her.”</p>
<p>First of all, who needs to join every club and committee possible?</p>
<p>I am a lot like your daughter, but when it come to working in groups, I usually take charge.</p>
<p>I am sure teachers are aware of your daughter if she is a disciplined student. I don’t talk to my professors that much, but they always say hi to me and greet me by my name when I see them in the halls.</p>
<p>It sounds like your daughter is doing just fine.</p>
<p>The relatively few colleges that consider ECs as part of admissions (and those are the most competitive colleges in the country) look for students with ECs that reflect their passion and leadership, which typically means that students have spent their free time in only a few ECs that they’ve devoted much time to. Those colleges aren’t looking for students with a laundry list of memberships in ECs that they haven’t contributed much to.</p>
<p>If your daughter was chosen to be captain of the swim team, she’s got an impressive EC and an impressive leadership position. You mention that the coach is not available to write a rec - but often teachers/coaches who move are quite willing to write them, even from a distance. Has he refused to do so, or are you assuming that he won’t/can’t? Also, can the current coach, who will be working closely with your d, write one?</p>
<p>I agree that one shouldn’t underestimate the ability of teachers to evaluate the strengths of quiet students. And your d may be more animated in some classes than you realize. If other students defer to her in group projects, they recognize her leadership qualities. When you ask “how will she know,” do you mean how will she know which teachers will write a strong personalized recommendation? She can always ask teachers if they feel they know her well enough to write a strong recommendation - I think that’s an acceptable question.</p>
<p>I acknowledge that some kids can be extremely quiet! Our hs valedictorian never uttered a word in class willingly. She always had the answer when called on, though. She has since become a cloistered nun, btw.</p>
<p>There are leaders who are very obvious and visible…and there are leaders who are much more like your D (I would describe my D similarly). From my observation, these quieter types often are looked to by their peers and others in school precisely because of their calm, “self-contained” personality traits. </p>
<p>In any case, please don’t be anxious about this, she does sound just fine and it will not help her college search if you communication anxiety or uncertainty.</p>
<p>My s wanted an English teacher who knew him well to write his rec for a scholarship app. However, the teacher had resigned over the summer. S told his counselor that Mr. … had been his first choice, and his counselor contacted the teacher. The English teacher wrote the rec, my s got the scholarship and was greatly appreciative of the time the English teacher spent writing the involved rec when he no longer was a part of the faculty. It turned out to be a lovely life lesson.</p>
<p>If your d wants the swim coach to write a rec, have her let someone know and it just may happen.</p>
<p>Thanks to those of you who have responded. I definitely need the reassurance. My feeling was that her teachers know her a lot better than she thinks. I actually think that probably every teacher in the school at least knows who she is (she has to be one of the top 5 students in her class or I’ll eat my had), but her anxiety about her teachers “not remembering” her transferred to me.</p>
<p>About the swim coach. I know the coach would be thrilled to write a recommendation but I doubt that anyone at the school would know where to reach him. He only coached at her school for one year. He was not otherwise employed by the school district. I would be hesitant to ask the new coach. She’s a first year coach and barely older than the swimmers, from my understanding. </p>
<p>But now you guys have got me thinking…he kept his old e-mail address when he moved here from Colorado so maybe he kept it when he moved away from here too. And I might be able to find that somewhere here in this pile of papers I call my workspace!</p>
<p>^^^ In my s’s case, the administration knew the teacher’s email - he no longer worked in the district either. I would be surprised if the school administration had no way to contact the teacher should they need to do so.</p>
<p>Well he was never a teacher at the school, just the swim coach and only for one year. But I do have his old e-mail address, so we at least have a chance at contacting him.</p>
<p>My D is a reserved type and only contributed when she felt it would be useful to the discussion. She was worried that the very vocal kids would be noticed more by the teachers. The teachers took note and gave her glowing recommendations, they also gave her quite a few awards at the end of the year. Icing on the cake to her Yale acceptance!</p>
<p>I have a son that I also did not think fostered excellent relationships with teachers (not like most of his friends, anyways) and is also “self contained” in many respects. I was worried that he would not be able to get a good recommendation. He gave each teacher he asked for a recommendation for a copy of his resume, including a sheet of personal information (not intended for the colleges to see) and pretty much told them what the letter was for and what he hoped could be gained from it. For example: “I am hoping I will be accepted into ACME University because their basket weaving program is a perfect match for me because I was the top youth basket weaver three years in a row from age 13 - 16. What makes me a good candidate for basket weaving is my patience and my love of patterns.” You get the idea. First step: find a willing teacher. My son sent an email with all of the aforementioned attached so the teacher knew before agreeing to write the letter that he/she would have a ton of information to draw from. I was worried about him getting ONE letter, but he ended up needing many more and it all worked out very well for him in the end.</p>
<p>My D. received hefty Merit Scholarships at every college that she applied both public and private). I do not believe that it resulted from any recommendations. They were based on her GPA, class rank and ACT score. Do not worry, your D. will be fine. Coincidently, my D. is also a swimmer - she does not swim at college and none of Merit Scholarships have anything to do with it.</p>