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<p>I think that’s why it’s my son’s dream school. I really respect that.</p>
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Only HY. The rest of them aren’t so generous.
This also does not take into account your home, your other assets.
You can make 150k/year, own a home, have some saving money, and pay close to full price at Yale.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to be completely random but I have been on this page for 20 minutes and cannot figure out how to post a new thread…can anyone tell me?? Thanks!</p>
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<p>NOT true at NYU.</p>
<p>Silly debate. Everyone values different things. I have neighbors who absolutely need to have the latest gadgets or the newest, sparkling vehicle. Just yesterday I was at a birthday lunch and two women were oohing and ahhing over another’s diamond ring. None of the aforementioned does a thing for me. On the other hand, give me a book or an excellent professional journal and I’m in a state of near-bliss!</p>
<p>There was a time when going to college was less about obtaining employment after graduation, and more about developing a broader view of life, greater knowledge about our place in the world, and purpose in it; facilitating thoughtful analysis in young adults with an ability to shape a life with meaning. Now we view higher education through the lens of $$$ signs and cost/benefit analysis. Our college systems mirror the larger cultural focus, which might not be healthy.</p>
<p>My children are more than cogs in the production wheel of our economy, and I hope that they learn this- regardless of where they end up going to college. And no, my H and I are not wealthy. </p>
<p>I will say this, without apology: there simply is no comparison between our local state school and some of the private, liberal arts colleges that I’ve visited. My daughter attended our local state university school, as a senior in high school, and relayed her disappointment in the work habits of the students. It was a real eye-opener for her. She and her friend, also in high school, completed the assignments, while many of the “actual” college students did not. Or, they came to class hung over enough that they had to leave in the middle to throw up. This happened enough that, having experienced it first-hand, there was no way she would have considered applying at this particular institution. Do these behaviors occur at other, private, institutions as well? Of course. Her goal, however, is to find a college of like-minded peers. </p>
<p>There are many factors to weigh when considering which institution is the best fit for any given student. One of those factors is cost.</p>
<p>My goodness! This is the first thread regarding college (as opposed to politics or social issues) in which purpleflurp has EVER posted! Even it is appears to be for the sole purpose of following soozievt from the political subforum and attacking her, it is still a landmark day!</p>
<p>Reminds me of one of my neighbors growing up - brilliant girl who got a full ride to her state flagship. Her parents wanted her to take the full scholarship and she said: “I didn’t work my butt off for the last 12 years to go to [insert state school here] and sit next to the kids who drove me crazy for the last 12 years.” </p>
<p>She went to Princeton.</p>
<p>One thing to keep in mind as your child chooses between an elite and very expensive option that mom and dad are willing to sacrifice to pay for and the far less expensive scholarship at a lower ranked or public school is the 3,000 pound gorilla that will join you in your family for the forseeable future. No matter how glad I am that son is at Harvard I have occasionally pulled out the - "we’re paying all this money and you go three weeks without even calling! - routine. It can become a very, very tempting and dysfunctional guilt trip that requires a lot of fortitude to resist. What the parents really need to confront is that just because they are paying 200K for their child’s college, this does not confer the right of dictating concentration, career path, social life, etc. </p>
<p>If you live in a world in which $50K each year is truly trivial (not us with an income of just over $300K) then I guess this stuff wouldn’t register. But DH and I have to be very careful not to turn our big SACRIFICE into a great big lasso around poor son’s neck.</p>
<p>Also, another potential mine field is bitterness. Yup. It has been truly shocking to me how much crazy bitterness I felt for quite awhile toward those who ecstatically post on CC about the crazy great financial deal they are getting from the school that is essentially taking every last cent of our after-tax, after-retirement, after save-for-next-child’s-college income. I went through a long period where I was resentful and just in a dark, ugly place as it began to truly dawn on me what the real ramifications of the decision would be for us in terms of retirement, standard of living, financial security.</p>
<p>And finally, when you go ahead and follow this path, it’s very hard not to expect crazy enormous achievements and exploits and wonderment from your child. It was very, very upsetting to me when son’s first summer home from his illustrious college did not yield an internship or job while his buddies at public U all seemed to have sparkling gigs lined up. That’s another big layer of potential family dysfunction.</p>
<p>Just saying. Would I do it again. Yeah - probably. Parenting just doesn’t come down to rational decison making sometimes. At least not for us. We are getting through the whole thing pretty well, mostly by being very open about feelings, arguing, yelling sometimes, and, finally, laughing. What are you really going to do with that money if you manage to cross the line into no-FA ?</p>
<p>sewhappy- Great post. I completely can relate. We are full pay at a $50K+ “elite” and I do find myself playing the “we’re paying all this money” card. The impact on our retirement and the plans we had for the future is great. I am not resentful, but I also would not necessarily recommend our choice to others- especially in the current economic climate. We were willing to pay for the “best” school our kids could attend, and one of the choices was worth every cent (the much less expensive of the two, actually) and the other one- well, the jury is still out, but I’m not totally sold.</p>
<p><strong><em>collegeshopping,
why is it important what other people are saying?</em></strong></p>
<p>I think my point was it is not important at all. What is important though is that a school fits a child academically and financially.</p>
<p>Sewhappy…nice post…We just had a son start Grad school and we thought we might get a break for a year or so before D goes to college.(Not sure how we got looped into paying since he has a full time job and he goes part time…but that is the deal he struck) We expect no need based aid, and merit aid seems like it is going away. I understand that on your salary 50K is a sacrifice. Someone here will probably post that you certainly can’t be serious, but I know you are. I posted some where today, that no matter how much you make, it just seems to cost more to live. I am surrounded by neighbors who spend the day at the mall, spending, spending and spending, and we are financially conservative because we know what the next round brings. But it doesn’t mean a really cool designer handbag would be fun to have…just not practical for us at this point (We will have two in college at the same time again in two years…and even if they both go state, which one will probably go private…it is huge hit.) I just wish people would do the math and see that if you are paying 50K toward college, that, with all other related expenses, 20% of your “pre-tax” income is going to school. </p>
<p>My point of all this is I know the bitterness sometimes. Nothing like a kid calling you from a 50K college to tell you “I didn’t feel like going to school today” and not wanting to wring his neck through the phone.</p>
<p>Because of this, financial fit is SO important. And if you are pushing your budget (like we have in the past and will in the future) you have to understand the feelings are natural yet have to supressed…lol</p>
<p>MantoriSuzuki, </p>
<p>They probably assume that nobody has heard of UChicago. Before Obama’s story became well publicized, I had never heard of it. I do the same thing with my school, WPI (not to say that WPI is comparable to UChicago). If anyone asks where I go to school, I just say “A small school in Massachusetts”.</p>
<p>
Which schools???</p>
<p>
Correct. Our FA was < $1300/yr. Fortunately, H and I are very frugal and can pay with current earnings and savings. </p>
<p>sewhappy, great post #88</p>
<p>Bernard Madoff did not go to an elite school and quit grad school but he still became a big Shark in Wall Street. This proved that you might not need to go to an Ivy league to become a Big man and have a big career . I know that a lot of CC members are aspiring Ibankers like Madoff.</p>
<p>On the other hand, an Ivy league connection might help. Tim Geithner got away with his tax fraud and illegaly employed an illegal alien. He is an Ivy league baby and most of the people that he had to report to were Ivy leaguers themselves. Even his pal Obama, chose him for his current job because Ivy leaguers help each other. </p>
<p>My point is that if you go to an Ivy League , you might be able to pay off your debt because some good pals can exempt you from paying taxes and you can ponzi scheme everyone that you want but your friends at the SEC won’t punch you.</p>
<p>Go for the Ivy league. Go make the connections that you will need in the future</p>
<p>I think it’s just good sense to choose the least expensive option that gets your kids where they want to go and help them to become who they want to be.</p>
<p>The trick is figuring all that out.</p>
<p>Both my kids are at elite private schools and I am pretty sure they could not have had the experiences they needed at our state schools. </p>
<p>S had two majors in mind: music and Classics. There is not school that is strong enough in both. Stony Brook has an awesome music program and no classics program. Binghamton is the only NYS school with a Classics major. </p>
<p>We considered Stony Brook seriously, but thank goodness we made another choice, because in the middle of sophomore year, S ditched the music major and is now a Classics major at a school that could accommodate him in both fields.</p>
<p>D needed the freedom of public transportation – she really needed the independence of that. There is no NYS university in a city with a really good subway system. I suppose CUNY could have been old the table, but we are not NYC residents and don’t live close enough to commute, so there would still have been significant out of pocket expenses, and I don’t think that would have been the right school for her.</p>
<p>We were lucky enough to get some FA. It’s still hard. Most people I know go on some kind of vacation. We don’t now.</p>
<p>Would I do it again? Yes. Absolutely.</p>
<p>I am also looking at funding a Masters in Sept. D wanted to work to save for law school but I can’t begin to explain how unrewarding her job search has been. So far she has not been able to find a job that would cover her living expenses whether we define them as rent or commutation costs.</p>
<p>So more years without vacations.</p>
<p>I don’t see this as making connections or for prestige. I am interested in developing each of my children so they can have the skill set and emotional fortitude to craft a life that allows them to pay their bills and fulfill themselves at the same time.</p>
<p>I have seen many kids attend bit state u’s and really succeed. I have also seen many get degrees handily enough but drift around afterwards.</p>
<p>The schools my kids attend really helped them zero in on the appropriate major and helped them begin the process of translating that major into some kind of direction and goal.</p>
<p>Do I like all the economic sacrifice I have had to make? No. Would I choose it again? Absolutely, even though I am working two jobs.</p>
<p>sewhappy…great post but I do want to point out that it goes both ways.
Our son chose his state U honors college (a good one at that) and got big-time merit money…which we are saving part of for his use after graduation. He turned down some top privates even though we were willing to make the sacrifice.
So it’s certainly not bitterness…we’re happy that huge dollars aren’t going out the door…but there is are question as to whether the best choice was made. Would he have gotten an internship this summer like the kid next door who went to BC? Would he have avoided a few awful professors or is that the deal everywhere? Was the influence of cost too much? How can you compare the path not chosen?
Anyway, he’s happy and is doing fine. Time will tell. If he can’t find a job and drifts after he graduates, it it because of the choice he made?? Or would he have done the same at a MUCH higher price tag somewhere else. Who knows? I like to torture myself I guess…</p>
<p>Just a personal anecdote: </p>
<p>I was the student representative on the admissions committee for my Ph.D. program. I can say, without a doubt, that it didn’t matter what elite school the applicants came from. What mattered was what they did with their time there; how well they did and their GRE scores. The kid from Harvard that had no research and/or clinical experience would’ve dropped to the bottom of the stack and the kid from UMass who had worked closely with a professor in the field and had authored a paper or who had valuable clinical experience would rise to the top. </p>
<p>Now, if they were from a school we’d never heard of…yes, that probably was problematic. But again, what mattered was what the kids did with their education and how committed they were to the field. So, if it was between a Princeton grad and a BU grad? It came down to experience, not the name of the school.</p>
<p>Post #94
"because like the Jews . . . . "
i am surprised to see such words and sadden to know what is in your heart.</p>
<p>Some excellent posts here…esp. sewhappy and collegeshopping…we are paying the same at 1/2 the income. We look great on paper due to an inheritence but long story short, it belongs to the H not me and he will not spend it on college. Say no more. I do not resent it. I was forced to go to a 3rd tier state college as my parents refused to pay anything else and would not apply for financial aid. It was beneath them. I wanted my D’s to be able to have better experiences and opportunities and its worth every penny. you do what you have to do, make your choices and when the dust settles we should stop complaining about the cost. We made the choices and could have chosen differently.</p>
<p>^meaning I don’t resent paying the cost of the colleges. Now not using the inheritence…a different story altogether…</p>