My daughter is in the fortunate position of having several wonderful choices, and we plan to attend revisit days. There is truly no clear frontrunner at this point. We will attend revisits and see what “feels” best.
This will be our family’s first experience with revisit days. I am guessing it is likely they will all “feel” wonderful because they are designed to yield accepted students. Part of me is worried we will still be just as torn on this decision right up until the deadline.
Can people comment on whether revisits actually bring clarity to a choice, in your experience?
Our revisits narrowed our choices but did not reveal “the one.” We were down to three favorites after revisits.
What DID reveal a clear winner: A perhaps- overly-complicated scoring system in which we ranked and weighted the criteria that mattered to each of us (we all used the same criteria but weighted them differently) and then scored each school.
Our sons thought revisit days were pretty helpful on a couple of dimensions, as did my wife and I. First, while during the admissions process you see some actual students doing student things, during revisit days, the exposure is just that much higher. You get a much better sense for the “tone” of the school. Second, whatever your child ends up picking, he revisit days provide a gateway for their confidence that has purpose beyond simply evaluation. Put a different way, even if your child already knows they want to go to school X, revisiting school X is helpful for their total process. Good luck!
I thought revisit days were very helpful because, in our case, they were first visits. We walked away liking one school while our son liked the other. Both were great, though, so no wrong or bad choice.
We did a spreadsheet for figuring out where to apply to (only the ones the parents were ok with), were lucky to have several great choices, went to revisits, and tossed the spreadsheet aside. We had a family meeting, prompted kiddo with some big questions. As the parents were ok with any on the list, it was kiddo’s choice. The answers to those questions made the choice obvious. It is a gut call, ultimately. So the meeting was short and we didn’t want to belabor the point. We gave kiddo a couple of hours to reconsider, then we hit the commit button. No looking back.
The revisits validated what we already knew, but for me it shifted the order on the list some. My opinion didn’t rule the day, but it made for better questions in the family meeting.
We made a spreadsheet and filled it out after every interview. We didn’t talk about the scores A-F until we had filled out the sheet. In nearly every case, my kid and I had the same scores. Once or twice kiddo scored tougher than I did. So it was pretty transparent. Revisits were good things came into more focus. Yes, I liked that and that is a strong point. I didn’t care for that and that is a weak point. We also added additional categories as time went on. Far more than acceptance rate or matriculation it became, how rigorous do the classes seem and what are the valid data points for the school claims. (Team rankings, art awards, how many doing specialty things that my kid was interested in doing). It’s funny but the interviewer, the student tour guide and the interaction among students when walking around campus often reflected other aspects of the school. EVERY school had several strong points.
@westcoastmom987 - I think we have two admitted schools in common. We’ve already decided, but will still be attending the revisit day to answer a lot of questions. Let me know if you will be at Mercersburg. We are going next Monday. I had a few concerns about the other school I think we have in common, but more for my son than my daughter. My neighbor did tell me that revisits really helped her son make a choice because he changed his mind on a school after revisit day, so I do think they can help!
Student speaking: I knew which school I wanted to attend after going to three revisit days. I just got “the feeling”. I could completely see myself on the campus and felt like I was coming home. However, not everybody experiences the same thing, and for many, the choice isn’t as simple.
Here’s something to be sure to pay attention to on revisit days (especially tell your kid to watch out for this): how do the students treat each other? Watch conversations between other students in class, in the dining hall, etc. at one of the school I visited, I noticed that kids were very snarky and rude to each other. If they can’t even fake nice for one day and that is their best behavior, what are they like when there aren’t 200+ visitors on campus?? I think that can be very telling.
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Our decision was made during Revisit week…it is very important if you can take this opportunity to attend the Revisit Days. Due to our work schedules, we could not have both parents present at school tours or interviews. We also realize that many can’t do this together, so recommend that you discuss guidelines and criteria together before the trip if only one parent can attend. Sometimes having a decision matrix helps, but sometimes it’s just your gut feeling in the end. We were committed to sending Kiddo to BS, and as recommended by others on CC, cast a wide net. Things did become more clear upon Revisit.
During Revisit week, high hopes may become disappointments for your student or family. Just be prepared as this happens. In mentioning some of the things we observed that were concerning, I looked to others on CC for support or assurance. Instead I was attacked via PM’s and in not-so subtle posts on CC by parents of the school (for writing something negative that we experienced) . Please be mindful that students are reading this thread — so, after waiting a year to respond, my message to the parent that wrote on CC that my kid’s acceptance was a “waste”, is please check your negativity at the door.
As we approach Revisit Days, here is a suggestion: Rude posts directed to or about students should be off limits on CC. Expect more from parents on CC, like support but not snark. “Classy” post by a parent with a grudge who posted that my kid, after Revisit, chose a “lesser school” to be a big fish in a small pond. Actually, we took the advice to “love the school that loves you”. Thanks to their snark, that parent actually confirmed that we made that right choice. Yet, several of you did thank us in private or in person for posting what happened during Revisit. Appreciate those parents who stood up for tolerance and support on CC. If you have a concern, consider PM’s
At the risk of pouring lighter fluid on the hot coals, I will share some insights and experiences from Revisit that helped us in the decision process during Revisit week. Hoping this may help you all.
- Love the school that loves you (your kid). You will feel this - I hope. Along with this, try to determine if there is one person you feel connected to at that school as a parent - an adult you could call when there is an emergency or an issue. Is there someone who you feel will be in your kid’s corner?
- Be prepared that there may be hundreds of people at Revisit - parents and siblings - some days are more crowded than others. Don’t be upset if you can’t speak to the AO you met - and be prepared to not know anyone. This can be overwhelming for a 14 year old.
- Don’t be surprised if the AO who interviewed your kid does not remember him/her. AO’s interview hundreds of kids and they are especially overburdened during Revisit.
- Schools may use Revisit as another Development or Advancement opportunity - not saying this is right, just that it happens. For example, you may see legacy students and parents wearing a special name tag. You may also see legacies getting special treatment - this was our observation- or having another reception.
- Do notice if faculty speak with new families or just focusing on the families they know, or other faculty members. We ran into families with multiple kids at the schools. We really appreciated the faculty and HOS’s who introduced themselves to us with “Welcome to...”.
- If you can, do attend class visits. Some schools provide classroom observations for parents.
- Look at the current students and see (if possible) how they are grouped up between classes or at lunch. Try to get a sense of the vibe, but realize that they may be on their best behavior because of Revisit. Realize that the newbies will be checking each other out. Hopefully, someone will break the ice and say something like “You are no longer competing with each other, you are in! So please introduce yourselves and make friends”.
- If your student has a special interest (art, robotics, theatre) or sport, do ask to see those facilities and meet with the teachers/coaches. Try to see a practice, also!
- Do check out the dorm(s) that your student will be in next year. During fall tours, the students may see upper classmen dorms or “nice” dorms. Now see the reality.
- If your student is an athlete, please consider attending a seminar (if offered) on NCAA requirements and recruitment. This hits you faster than you think at BS and it’s not too early to start getting the information.
- Do try to visit an earlier Revisit Day - due to our school and work schedules, we attended the last Revisit Days and missed a half day at one school. By the time we went to Revisit, the faculty/staff were really fatigued from it all. Even the book store 15% certificate they gave us had run out the week before.
- ATTENTION TO FACULTY/SCHOOLS WHO MAY BE LURKING: Please do not take out your frustration and fatgiue on us parents or the students. We have spent a lot of $$ coming to Revisit and our kids have worked really hard to get there. We attended a last Revisit Day at a school where each facutly “welcome” began something like this: “We have had 300 families here this week and are really tired”, or “We accepted more students than we thought”, or “More of you showed up than we anticipated”, or the best “We don’t have enough room for all of you”.
13: Special thanks to the HOS of Hotchkiss who said “You are not sending your child to a school, you are sending your child to people”.
^:)^
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@Golfgr8 Wow, I’m sorry you had that experience on CC and at various revisits. Many on CC seem to be caught up in the name, rather than the education. BS kids are young and have a long road ahead. So for us, fit was paramount.
We had two good revisits which made it hard to decide. Ultimately, our kid decided that balance was more important than name. Both schools were great and the final decision has been a blessing. We listened carefully to the staff and observed the parents as well as the students. We also observed that you could go from any top boarding school to any college but the experience of boarding school was about so much more than college acceptance.
Overall, it has been a great learning experience so when kid #2 applies, it should be much easier. Honestly, although kid #2 could likely get in the name too, we’ll only be applying there as a safety. Funny, isn’t it? Our family really likes where kid #1 landed. Hope it becomes a family tradition.
We only had one acceptance. We had many WLs. For those of you in the same boat, you may be thinking why bother with Revisit when we know that’s where we are going?
I say do it. DS was still feeling the sting from getting WLd at his then #1 when we attended Revisit Day from his only yes, which was #2 on his list. It sounds so petty now, but he was really struggling with the situation at the time.
Revisit Day started with the DOA running towards us (before we even put on our name tags) calling my son by name and asking how our trip from Texas went. Then, he had several others come over to greet him - from his tour guide to the coaches he met at interview day. He said attending classes and interaction with the students sealed the deal for him. By the day end, his confusion and hurt from M10 had disappeared. He realized that the school who loved him, truly did love him and really did want him there. From that moment on, DS has never looked back. No resentment re the prior top ranked school, no resentment re WLs and no question in his mind that his acceptance was at the perfect school for him.
We could’ve saved money by not attending that Revisit Day but the peace of mind and reassurance it provided was priceless.
I really appreciate all of these helpful responses! Lots of things to think about!
I appreciate these insights as well and am hoping that things become clear during revisits. We are choosing between 2 (third school has already been decided against I think) very similar schools. I have been constantly wondering if it will come down to something silly like how much time I’m willing to spend driving.
All - thank you for the insights. For us newbies, this information is invaluable. We appreciate you sharing and the time you spend contributing to the site.
S found Student Admitted Days very helpful. He was admitted into several good schools. We had him narrow it down to two based on his criteria, pro and con list, etc. We went to the two Admitted days and he viewed it as these were his two choices (did a really thorough comparison in the narrowing down process). Went to the first one and he was OK but not thrilled. Just wasn’t the place for him (atmosphere, type of student - yes I know there are all types but there is also a dominant attractor). When we arrived at the second one a few minutes early, he announced to us “This is it”. It actually was very high on his list initially (not first but high). Just being there reaffirmed what he liked. He spent the rest of the day just enjoying the environment. It was a great day for all of us which made that twelve hour drive home way more pleasant.
He likely would have made the same decision without attending but I’m glad we went as it was quite definitive for S.
It seems like everyone’s experiences are different!
So interesting!
DS was choosing between a day school and a boarding school. He started the application process 75% DS/ 25% BS. When acceptances came, he was 50/50. At revisit, it was 100% clear which was the better fit. The contract was signed, the sweatshirt was purchased and he hasn’t looked back.
I was just thinking how crazy it was that we were considering revisits only 2 years ago, and it seems like a lifetime! We ended up going to only 1 revisit. DS had narrowed his choices down to 2 schools, one of which had always been his (and our) favorite. I had some reservations about the other and was worried that going to both revisits would give him doubts and create a difficult situation at the last minute. I posted about it here at the time and got very good and logical advice, but in the end DS felt pretty clear and we went to just the one revisit, and have never looked back. Another Mom I met at achool told me her son had been in the same position choosing between the same schools, and going to both schools’ revisits had confused things for him.
However, we had visited the school a number of times and it was an obvious good fit. If you are choosing between schools, enjoy the revisits and don’t hold back from asking any questions. And listen to your gut and any nagging uncertainties or reservations. I think it would be hard to write the first tuition check and drop your kid off in September if you have doubts.
Also, don’t forget that any school that accepted your child chose him or her for a reason and is telling you that they think your child would fit into their community and thrive. Most likely, there are no bad choices among your acceptances, just personal preferences.
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At revisits, our student was deciding between two schools. One had a very low acceptance rate and brought the oohs and ahas when mentioned. The other #2, was solid academically but wasn’t in the same marketing category ( I say that now based on the actual academics which are amazing). Our student really felt that balance was important yet was also pulled by the “prestige” of the name of #1.
Kid thought that choice #1 would make college acceptances easier down the road (the matriculation list was much better honestly). It was a really tough choice. In the end, it came down to our student making a decision about what the high school experience was going to look like, what mattered most and could s/he get to any college from both schools. In the end, kid went for fit AND balance over choice #1. In other words, our kid chose #2 and never looked back.
This has been an excellent choice. The worries about academics were unfounded ( this was a 99% SSAT kid without prep). Classes are very challenging. Our student has been asked to participate in several (3) specialized activities which would likely not have been available at choice #1 ( specialized activities being things in which only one student or just a handful of the Freshman class were selected). Kiddo has been able to participate in several activities an still do great in school.
One could see quite a bit of difference at revisits between school #1 and school #2. At school #1, parents asked very anxious questions about class levels, ranking and college acceptances. Even though kids had been accepted they were still vying for position. So much so that a staff member noted in a speech, your kids are already accepted. LOL. School #2 had less type A’s ( though they were also present). They asked questions about day to day life. I think many parents at #1, thought this was it, getting to the top and staying there was going to take their kids to the Ivy league. While parents at #2 were still nervous about how their kids were going to fit in.
Honestly, I think our kid would have done well at either place but the ultimate decision is one I am happy with as a parent. And for kiddo #2 who is coming up in a few years, I would use the better school as the safety and hope s/he gets into the same place at kiddo #1. Balance is so important. And we don’t want our kids to burn out.
Listen to your gut and make sure your kid is listening to his/hers. It’s easy for a kid in eighth grade to think that impressing their friends is more important than finding a fit. It isn’t.
OMG @Happytimes2001 This. This right here! All summed up in one neat little package to describe what BS should be. And for those who may be prepared to argue—if the well-marketed and Forbes listed school #1 is the fit for your kid, that’s still perfect! But it is all about the best environment for the student and what fits them (and somewhat the family) best. Not what the touted lists “Best Private Schools” or “Best High School Academics” etc say. But what works for the individual!
I truly wish they’d do away with those school ranking lists for both BS and colleges. They are arbitrary and generally lead people to believe the unlisted are sub-par or undesirable.
Thanks for that post! I hope many readers see the wisdom in it!