<p>Orchestra -- Just curious. How would you describe the acculturation (sp?) of your friends/acquaintances during the formative years? How would you describe your/their social experiences during the college years? For example: "effortless"? or "we were determined to break societal barriers."?</p>
<p>Thanks NSM for answering my question about interracial marriage. It makes alot of sense now.</p>
<p>I visited the University of Chicago in October and talked to a black female students about race relation in the school. She is a premed major and says that her freshman year her biology professor indirectly questioned whether or not she could adequately complete the prereqs for the premed track because of her race. She has also heard a few racial slurs around campus. However, she said in that things are okay generally.</p>
<p>So I totally agree with NSM about racism existing in all regions of the US (even in a large, diverse city like Chicago.) I was naive thinking that most racism occured in the South (where I liive in Georgia) before I visited</p>
<p>Northstarmom:</p>
<p>Yeah, you're right. I've got to keep accentuating the positive. I think she has started taking care of things herself based on a couple of comments she has said offhandedly.</p>
<p>Thanks for the good words about your cousins experience it Williams.</p>
<p>"She is a premed major and says that her freshman year her biology professor indirectly questioned whether or not she could adequately complete the prereqs for the premed track because of her race."</p>
<p>Is it possible that the "indirect question" was more a matter of the student misperceiving the instructor? I live on an island that is ninety percent West Indian (black), ten percent "other" -- Puerto Rican/Asian/continental (white.) When an "other" perceives racism, s/he is informed by the majority that his/her perception is mistaken.</p>
<p>MSUDad, in case I wasn't clear, I was talking about the situation at my LAC in the 1970s. Black separatism was all the rage, but the other divisions you suggested did not exist, in my experience. Oh, and the student body was about 1400.</p>
<p>Weird, I was talking about the early 1980s, same size school. Go figure</p>
<p>LOL@dntw8up re: "informed his/her perception is mistaken." I love it!</p>
<p>That's exactly the sort of comment that precipitates my favorite game of all time. I used to hate it when my mom played it, but I've recently come to appreciate its exquisite delights. It's called "playing dumb." When faced with a situation in which sympathetic, well-meaning, folks assume my inferiority while vocalizing my equality, I MILK IT, MAN! I'm EVER so grateful to that Bio teacher for his/her extra attention to "get me up to speed." When s/he takes credit for my success, I TOTALLY allow it, smile, shuck, jive, genuflect, grab the cash (scholarship, free ride, etc.) and RUN! I just make VERY sure never to invite him/her to my home, or give out ANY details on my bio.</p>
<p>Back at 2mules: the above is exactly the advice I give to my kids. Appreciate the good, leverage the bad, and long live the subversive!</p>
<p>Oh yeah! As we're on the topic of race relations -- I meant to post a fun link for those masochists among us who love to self-analyze. </p>
<p>Many of you have probably already seen this, but Harvard has a series of quick online quizzes out that ferret out attitudes to touchy subjects like race, color, gender stereotypes, etc. Check it out (be sure you're on the "demo tests" page, otherwise you won't be able to choose your study. You should see a list of options for different "IAT"s)</p>
<p>You may be surprised at your results!</p>
<p>The Harvard quiz that SuperMomI ain't suggested is amazing. Do not get turned off by the way it will appear the questions are being asked at first. In the second half of the quiz, the way the questions are asked will flip. Can't explain this more coherently without taking a lot of time explaining, but you'll see what I mean when you take the quiz. Just do follow my advice and take the whole thing -- don't quit because you think it's biased in one negative way. It's not.</p>
<p>"During my white daughters junior year at high school the drama department put on La Mis. The production featured sevral blacks in lead roles. There were no issues. Fast forward to her senior year and the school decides to put on Dream Girls. My daughter who was without a doubt the best singer in the cast was given a lead role. She was tormented by some of the blacks in the cast."</p>
<p>I am truly sorry for what your D went through. No one deserves that kind of treatment, and I think she should have been allowed to keep the part.</p>
<p>At the same time, I think it was a mistake for the school to select a musical in which there's only one role designated for a white performer (The brief role of the singer who appears to be based on Pat Boone).</p>
<p>Something that ticks me off is when student and community theaters select plays in which all (or virtually all) of the parts virtually have to be played by people of a certain race.</p>
<p>Les Miz could be played by actors of different races. After all, there were people of color in France during the time that Les Miz was set, and the characters' race isn't important to the story at all.</p>
<p>That's not the case with Dreamgirls, a musical in which the characters' race is very important.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, due to this country's history, having a white person play the role of a black person also brings up old memories of how white people used to pretend to be black in minstrel shows. In addition, the black girls and their parents know that since most theaters don't cast in a race-blind way, Dreamgirls may be one of their kids' only chances to have a starring role.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, I'm dealing with my own race-based concerns in theater. Had the first rehearsal last night of a sketch that I'm in at a local community theater that happens to be virtually all white (although it would like to attract more people of color), though it's remarkable for casting people without regard for race or disability. </p>
<p>The sketch features a "progressive couple," and I'm cast as the wife. When I met my "husband" last night, he was white (no surprise to me). I said, "Hi, you're my husband." He coldly looked at me and said, "I guess we have an arranged marriage."</p>
<p>Thus far, he's doing a stellar job playing well the snarky, hostile parts of his role, but doesn't seem to understand that at the beginning, we're supposed to be lovely dovey, and we should act like we really do have a loving marriage.</p>
<p>With regard to the community theatre thing; most of my D's friends of color are from community theatre. Still, this is only four or so. There was talk of doing "Hairspray" and the four were quite tickled. I think they discussed Dreamgirls but only VERY briefly. To be fair, all the kids of color, my D included, get their share of roles. ( D was just cast as "Nicely Nicely" in Guys and Dolls!).</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p>He coldly looked at me and said, "I guess we have an arranged marriage."<<<</p> </blockquote> </blockquote> </blockquote>
<br>
<p><em>GASP!</em></p>
<p>(struggling against invisible grip) Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im!</p>
<p>"When faced with a situation in which sympathetic, well-meaning, folks assume my inferiority while vocalizing my equality, I MILK IT, MAN! I'm EVER so grateful to that Bio teacher for his/her extra attention to "get me up to speed." When s/he takes credit for my success, I TOTALLY allow it, smile, shuck, jive, genuflect, grab the cash (scholarship, free ride, etc.) and RUN! I just make VERY sure never to invite him/her to my home, or give out ANY details on my bio."</p>
<p>That may work in contemporary stateside society but not when one lives in a time/place where the majority use race to withhold scholarships, etc. from the minority.</p>
<p>@ dntw8up --> hold up. I'm confused. Quit mincing words, dude. Are you raising the "reverse discrimination" spectre based on geographic location? Are you saying that majority minority populations are referring to themselves as minorities?</p>
<p>Depending on the island you're referring to, the terms "majority" and "minority" may be debatable anyway, as a number of West Indian islands now boast majority asian or indian populations.</p>
<p>AND playing the system can work ANYwhere. It's a device routinely used by EVERYone, including majority students on "free ride" diversity scholarships to HBCUs. I'm not so familiar w/the workings of UWI (University of the West Indies for Americans), but -- may be irrelevant anyway. This forum tends to focus on the experiences of blacks in america. Come again?</p>
<p>"Are you raising the "reverse discrimination" spectre..."</p>
<p>No. There is no such thing as "reverse discrimination"; discrimination is discrimination.</p>
<p>"...based on geographic location?"</p>
<p>Geographic location and time affect which groups of people are discriminated against. An individual who weighs 300 pounds is generally viewed differently by the residents of California and Samoa. Likewise, the amount and type of melanin in an individual's skin is viewed differently by people in the U.S. in 1800 and 2000, as well as in the U.S. in 2000 and in 2000 where I reside.</p>
<p>"...playing the system can work ANYwhere..."</p>
<p>There are many places in the world where the system cannot be gamed by those who are not part of the dominant religion/culture/race/gender.</p>
<p>"...This forum tends to focus on the experiences of blacks in america..."</p>
<p>If this forum intended to exclude non-blacks, a racial descriptor would have been appended to the College Confidential name.</p>
<p>I just took the test mentioned in post #48. It is fascinating. I can't wait to get home to get my husband to take it. This is second marriage for both of us (he is white) and he is constantly learning (and unlearning) things. It is interesting when I would meet his friends for the first time and they would constantly try to figure me out. They ask where are you from? Are your parents from the United States? How did you get such a deep tan in the middle of winter? Ok, so I am light skinned but no black person would ever mistake me for white. It's like they could not conceive that a person of color could be anything but dark.</p>
<p>I just hope my son marries a nice girl. Black white asian, I don't care. Oh wait--the only criterion I would impose--no stupid bimbos!</p>
<p>Re #51--you never know, he might not have been acting that way because of race. He may be an equal opportunity jerk.</p>
<p>A few weeks ago, I went up to a relative newcomer at my church during coffee hour and said, smilingly, "You're a brave man." He seemed a little startled. I said, "We don't see many Yankee fans up here." He seemed to relax a bit. I then introduced myself and we chatted for a few minutes. I live in the heart of Red Sox Nation (Maine), and the man was wearing a Yankees shirt and hat. He was also one of perhaps two black men in the room. Upon reflection, I wondered whether he first assumed I was assuming to his racial minority status, rather than his fan minority status! :)</p>
<p>" just hope my son marries a nice girl. Black white asian, I don't care. Oh wait--the only criterion I would impose--no stupid bimbos"</p>
<p>I hear you! I don't care about my future DILs' race or ethnicity, but I will be royally ticked if one of my sons brings home a bimbo.</p>
<p>@ dntw8up #54</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p>If this forum intended to exclude non-blacks, a racial descriptor would have been appended to the College Confidential name.<<<<<</p> </blockquote> </blockquote> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>What the H@&^ck?!! Oh NO, he didn't! (<em>hands on hips, doing the snake-neck</em>) Dang. Homeboy proposes to police my politically-correct parlance up in MY place!)</p>
<p>You're kidding right? (looks around) Am I Wandering in Ward Connerly Word-Choice Wonderland? </p>
<p>Don't play semantics with ME, mister -- nobody ain't said NUTHIN' 'bout no "exclusion of non-blacks" up in this here thread. But in 2000 (?), some o' us done gone an' learnt howta read, an' ah do b'lieve it say: "Middle Class Black Posters" up in that headin! That DO somewhat limit the course o' convo.</p>
<p>Now, I could klepto Consolation's conciliatory take, and go with the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps this has been mistaken for a middle class goth or emo thread - but somehow . . . hmmmm . . . I doubt it. </p>
<p>All are welcome to comment relevantly, but threads have titles for a reason, guy. You wanna shine a sympathetic spotlight on underprivileged majorities stranded on menacing Caribbean Islands - start yer own thread!</p>
<p>Disclaimer: The above is in no way meant to limit or discourage the airing of relevant controversial or opposing viewpoints from all posters. The author does not claim to speak for all in the thread, and may be deranged, politically unastute, socially inept, or simply PMSing or menopausal, and in this latter case, is summarily excused of any/all responsibility, legal or otherwise, for run-on sentences, made-up words, and the most deliciously outrageous behavior imaginable.</p>
<p>OK you guys; a bit of a change of topic. At wits' end and soliciting opinions from an awesome collection of brainpower.</p>
<p>Had a little visit from the cops today. Turns out my then 13, now 14yr old has been corresponding explicitly online with a married 50+ year old dude who's been trying to arrange an offline meeting.</p>
<p>How is this relevant?</p>
<p>Well. Both my kids had ivy or at least top tier liberal arts colleges in mind for their futures. Until this year. This year my youngest started high school with a bang. She received a "D" in English because the teacher "got on her nerves." Her status as an older adoptee (age 6) notwithstanding, we're past the point where pouting is cute and excuses are accepted.</p>
<p>Hoping to salvage her GPA, provide her with opportunities I can't arrange as a working mom, and structure her environment positively, I started looking at Christian boarding schools (they're cheaper and I figured what we weren't paying in the older daughter's college tuition, we could funnel to the youngest).</p>
<p>In the course of checking out boarding schools, I ran across the nation's only public military boarding school. It appeared to be JUST the thing, offering tons of extracurriculars, a panopoly of languages and numerous AP Course options. Best of all -- she was excited about the prospect! I arranged for a Spring Break visit, purchased the tix yesterday, and stressed the school's honor code.</p>
<p>Then came today. I'm tortured. </p>
<ol>
<li> Can one retain ivy or top tier aspirations following a poor freshman year?</li>
<li> Do upper middle black girls brought up in Christian households engage in that kind of smut on the net?</li>
<li> Does she now have a "record" (despite what the police said)?</li>
<li> Does it make sense to send her to a military academy where males outnumber females 5:1? Would they take her now?</li>
<li> Why, in sending this guy a pic of "herself" did she send a pic of a white girl? I'm glad she didn't send her own pic -- but . . . does she wish she was white?</li>
</ol>
<p>I have a confession. I smugly "dissed" upper middle white parents whose daughters were always showcased in the news for this type of behavior. I asked "where are the parents?" My husband and I shook our heads disapprovingly at the antics of "white girls gone wild." We nodded complacently about the "superior morals" of the black family. I monitored her tv time, internet usage, cell phone access. And yet -- it's happened in OUR house. I'm having difficulty with this. I sooooo want to blame it on our neighborhood, her social circle, SOMETHING other than my screw-up! I am forced to reevaluate my preconceptions.</p>
<p>Positive anecdotes about military academies, christian boarding schools, kids who recovered after freshman year and got into great schools, and general commiseration heartily invited. Supermom, I AIN'T.</p>
<p>Ouch....</p>
<p>"Do upper middle black girls brought up in Christian households engage in that kind of smut on the net?"</p>
<p>I don't think D would say ours in a Christian household, but she sure thinks of herself that way.
We keep our internet access pretty out in the open and get reports about how much time is spent where, but I guess I could miss it. I'm going to ask right now...</p>