<p>haha f u jetforge</p>
<p>of course…</p>
<p>3 dudes are on a cliff in the desert and see a soda can. One of them opens it up and a genie pops out and says “jump off that cliff, and the second you jump, make a wish and it will be granted.” Knowing the they must wish to become something that can fly (since they don’t want to fall off the cliff and die) the first guy jumps off the cliff and yells “HAWK!” He is instantly turned into a hawk and flies home. The Second guy jumps off and says “Dragon!” He turns into a dragon and flies home. The Third guy runs to the edge of the cliff, but just before he jumps he trips on a rock and then yells “SHIIIIIT!”</p>
<p>hahaha nice glenn</p>
<p>a plane carrying Lebron James, a random kid, the smartest man alive, the president, and the pilot is going down. There is only 4 parachutes. The pilot is first to grab and parachute and jump off before anyone even notices. The president then says “we’ll i’m the president so I need to live.” He grabs a shoot and jumps off. The smartest man alive then says “well, the world needs me for my incredible intelligence!” He grabs a shoot and jumps off. The kid then looks at Lebron and says “We’ll, you are Lebron James so you should probably take the last shoot.” Lebron then says “No worries man, the smartest man alive just took my gym bag.”</p>
<p>^^^
shoot = chute* </p>
<p>…So a guy walks into a bar, and says “OUCH!”</p>
<p>a plane crashes between the united states and the mexican border. there were 300 people on board, all of them died. where do they bury the survivors?</p>
<p>where ever the bodies land…</p>
<p>right?</p>
<p>what a tragic story</p>
<p>A Professional Gambler
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”</p>
<p>The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”</p>
<p>The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.</p>
<p>“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.</p>
<p>The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”</p>
<p>“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.</p>
<p>“Like what?” asked the bartender.</p>
<p>“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.</p>
<p>The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.</p>
<p>So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.</p>
<p>“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.</p>
<p>The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.</p>
<p>“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.</p>
<p>“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.</p>
<p>With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and **** into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”</p>
<p>The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.</p>
<p>The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began ****ing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.</p>
<p>The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”</p>
<p>The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could **** all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”</p>
<p>you can’t bury the survivors.</p>
<p>-nor were there any.</p>
<p>hhah, also wrong loller…
trick question: there were no survivors.</p>
<p>aaaaaah, good point. even if there were survivors…it would definitely not be cool to bury them.</p>
<p>The joke cr_book told is from that Desperado movie. </p>
<p>Alright, a rooster lays in egg in the middle of a roof. Does it roll down the east side, or the west side?</p>
<p>“What happens when the smog clears up?”</p>
<p>Let’s do these for all of the UCs. :)</p>
<p>What happens when the pot smoke clears?</p>
<p>U C Santa cruz!</p>
<p>neither, the roof was flat.</p>
<p>haha, neither! roosters don’t lay eggs :P</p>
<p>Side note: I’m in Westwood waiting for my bus to school and it’s disgustingly foggy and I really can’t see UCLA. Ha.</p>
<p>Rosters don’t lay eggs------</p>
<p>What do you put in a toaster?</p>