<p>Also, @Lookingforward, if you’re going to criticize the OP and his family for lack of intellectualism because they like watching TV, you might want to learn how to correctly spell “fridge” first.</p>
<p>“Frig”… my god man.</p>
<p>Quite honestly, I did not have any of those things. I was quite happy that my roommate didn’t bring any of them either. Less noise and more space in the room. (The humming of a fridge drives me crazy at night!)</p>
<ul>
<li>Didn’t need a printer because I could print on campus.</li>
<li>Didn’t need a fridge because I was on a full meal plan. On the few occasions I did have something to refrigerate, I kept it in the tea pantry.</li>
<li>Didn’t need a microwave because I used the one in the tea pantry.</li>
<li>Didn’t need a tv.</li>
</ul>
<p>I am with whoever suggested that you expand your concept of “balance.” Instead of assuming that your roommate will be mooching off of you for the year, did it ever occur to you that you might end up being the “problem roommate” who inconsiderately claims too much of the space?</p>
<p>“Frig” is a known variant. Despite its other meaning. “… my god man.”
I didn’t say OP’s family was lacking intellect. You read it that way.
I did wonder if I was only assuming he intended to use the refrigerator for beer and someone would tag me on that. </p>
<p>Dorm extras seem to be a sensitive spot right now. All I’ll say to that is, “It’s college.”</p>
<p>Glad you and I both enjoy an edgy turn of words. But, I do find some of your comments to be…hostile. Good luck.</p>
<p>Sometimes you may need your roommate to use the things you have.
I had a guitar. I was not good at it. My roommate used it all the time and I was happy to see him play. Finally I gave it to him when I moved out.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I don’t care how he voiced it - the expectation that his roommate should bring and/or pay for something expensive for them to share is ridiculously immature. OP needs to grow up. There’s not much more to it.</p>
<p>"Jesus christ, if some of you supposed “moms” treat the OP with such ridiculous hostility, I feel REALLY bad for your children. </p>
<p>The guy has a valid concern-- whether or not he voiced it in the politest way is a moot point. If you guys really are the parents you say you are, you should be able to help him out and counsel him regardless, INSTEAD of being pretentious pricks.</p>
<p>And yes, I did just call you out on your parenting skills."</p>
<p>Sorry, scatman, that’s not how it works. Good parents do not accede to their children’s demands when the request is made in a rude voice, accompanied by a tantrum, or is unreasonable to begin with. I am quite sure your own parents did not respond to you when you stomped your feet or told them they were bad parents or insulted them with foul language. Both you and the OP need to grow up and learn that a big part of succeeding in life is having empathy and learning how to look at the world through others’ eyes–as well as being mature enough to communicate like an adult. So far the two of you have a long way to go. I feel for your future roommates as well as his.</p>
<p>I agree with sally and TCBH. </p>
<p>The OP had displayed a great lack of maturity and he’s been called out on it.</p>
<p>It’s really just two people set in the same dorm room. For one of them to pull out the asterisks because he’s bringing more than the other is a head shaker. They’re not setting up house together. There is no expectation of equal contributions to some enhanced level of luxury. And, nor is the one who brings more necessarily obligated to share. But, there is an expectation of mutual respect, from the start.</p>
<p>If my kid had pulled this, expecially if I learned he/she went so far as to check where the roomate lived, and then stated, “He can afford it,” I’d be embarassed. Yes, I’d have a little attitude adjustment conversation and most of it would probably be one-way. Character matters to me.</p>
<p>If you’re living in a dorm, then your expectations are kind of high. It’s the first time (I’m assuming) that people are moving in to college, so you can’t really expect you roommate to bring this or to bring that. Everyone will be bringing his or her own stuff and then, if you both mutually decide that you need something, then you can buy it after you’ve moved in and decide who’s going to split the cost or something. This doesn’t have anything to do with wealth either. If someone doesn’t want to bring a TV, then what’s the problem?</p>
<p>I think a discussion like this is more valid for an apartment. Living in an apartment is different because you have to get more things, like pots/pans, eating utensils, dishes, cleaning supplies, etc. I think in that case, as I’m doing right now, it would be good to contact your roommates before moving in and decide who’s bringing what or who will sign up to buy certain things if you’re going to do all the shopping after you get to campus.</p>
<p>scatman45 - You can’t really criticize a person’s parenting skills simply because of a couple of comments that might have come across as harsh to you. Part of the dorm experience is giving a little and taking a little, and if sharing is required, or if it’s the better option, then one should act his/her age and comply, and if not, then a single room is a better option.</p>
<p>To the original post, not the stuff that came after I say…</p>
<p>A fridge is nice but certainly not necessary. If you want one, bring it - you are under no obligation to share it if you don’t want to. </p>
<p>A TV is nice to have or, depending on the person, not. Some don’t want a TV blaring all the time. But everyone can watch TV shows/movies on a laptop (with headphones or earbuds and not bug anyone). Assuming roommate has a laptop which I suppose he might not. I’d definitely wait and see how much I even wanted a TV before paying for cable. (We got rid of cable 2 years ago and only watch Netflix, etc now…in our house. S is not bringing a TV to his dorm.)</p>
<p>Microwaves and printers may or may not get used but again, hardly need to be shared if you don’t want to share them. </p>
<p>Get there, meet the kid, see what’s up before you judge. It may all work out wonderfully.</p>
<p>You could just flat out ask him, “Do you want to split costs on anything or do you prefer that we just buy/use our own things?” That is an innocuous way to phrase the question and makes your intentions fairly obvious.</p>
<p>If someone doesn’t pay for something and chooses to use it all the time anyway, then cross that bridge if you actually get to it. Odds are, having a conversation ahead of time will make things clear. If he tells you he doesn’t watch TV and doesn’t really microwave anything because he eats out all the time or something, then you can probably be sure he’s not going to pull a 180 on you. If he does, then you have other problems to worry about.</p>
<p>To OP,</p>
<p>I can understand your frustration, but please do not assume his financial situation. Finances are a very touchy subject. Now, if you haven’t already, I would ask him point blank with no attitude in the email, if he plans on using any of the “big” items. Trust me, I have had family give me horrible attitude through emails because it is easier to type something then to say it. </p>
<p>If they wish to use the printer tell them that you would like to split the cost of ink, and paper. I had this agreement with my roommate, and did not mention that I would not be purchasing color ink after the amount I got with the printer was gone. This made them mad, but I simply stated instead of you paying me $10 bucks it would be closer to $15. At the start of semester she had stressed her family was not well off since her dad was not working, and she had a limited budget so I made an assumption of no color ink. Well she wasted the first round of color, and after that never paid me for the cost of ink. So I send the printer home, and used my “free” $10.00 printing credit with the school. I ended up going $2.00 over at the end. </p>
<p>In regards to the TV, and cable. First off, if you need cable, I would again ask him to split the cost, $75 a semester if he also wants it. I would wait to get the cable until after your first few weeks. You may find that you are going out more often, and studying. I never used my TV expect for when my roommate had it on. I watched everything on my laptop, and was constantly studying in between. I kept my TV there for my roommate because she brought the microwave. </p>
<p>For the fridge and microwave, I would just ask him to supply his own food, and label it with his name. Label your food as well so that there won’t be any questions of whose food it was. If you are getting a smaller fridge let him know it is primary for drinks, or snacks if that is what you want. I had a larger fridge did not share, but I dislike the campus food. I kept lunch meats, cheese, yogurt, and milk in the fridge. If my roommate need too she knew that she could store something in there even though she had a fridge. My campus also had limited weekend hours with only two places being open. So if I didn’t like what they had, or missed it I was on my own. </p>
<p>Whatever you both decide I would make sure you talk about it again once you move in. If your RAs do not have a meeting to make roommate agreements I would bring it up to your roommate. Write it out, and sign it before too long.</p>
<p>I think if I was your rommate and knew how you were acting Id ocnsider dropping YOU. how do you know whats up. he might not have the money. he might not use those things often. if he is going to watch cable in the room he can help pay. but really? are you seriously going to make a big deal about it?</p>
<p>Haha this happens pretty often actually. He could be lazy or can’t afford it, but either way don’t be a jerk and not let him use any of it because he will inevitably need some of it in the future, especially that printer. At least let him use the printer or else you would be “that guy”. </p>
<p>I can see it now, your roommate going to your neighbors, “Can I use your printer?”
They respond, “What’s wrong with (your name here)'s printer?”
Roommate, “Oh he doesn’t let me use it.”
Neighbor, <em>hmmm…that’s kind of strange</em></p>
<p>The OP has valid concerns and I feel this whole thread has been somewhat biased. Look at it from his point of view. My daughter is dealing with the same thing right now. Room mate comes in with basically nothing but clothes and her own micro-fridge. First thing she asks ‘Can I use your printer?’ ‘Can I put food in your fridge?’ She thinks everything is ‘shared’. My daughter politely told her no and we hope it stays at that.</p>
<p>The OP did not indicate that his roommate wanted to share anything with the OP. </p>
<p>The thread is not biased. The OP was biased by what he perceived the future roommate’s wealth to be :rolleyes:</p>
<p>krmom8, why would your daughter not try to work out an agreeable shared solution with her roommate? Why not say “sure, you can use the printer if you buy the next toner cartridge and a ream of paper”? I don’t understand the extreme position. Surely there will be something your daughter wants from her roommate at some point in the year, even if it’s just help with a math problem or a listening ear. It’s not all about the stuff. Learning to share and compromise is a life skill that will benefit all our kids in the future.</p>
<p>Oh and yes, fwiw, my roommate and I shared a printer and split toner and paper. It was her printer, but pretty much everything else was mine- fridge, microwave, etc. Three years together and never an issue. We shared everything because, well, we’re just nice people like that I guess.</p>
<p>We are very fortunate people and right now my daughter lives with an international student. We bought everything except the young woman’s bedroom furniture. I hope my daughter does not act as though everything is hers. I try to tell my kids that because we have so much, we should be generous whenever we can. Lucky us.</p>
<p>Your roommate isn’t required to bring anything and you shouldn’t try to force him to, either.</p>
<p>I’m someone who grew up without a TV in my room (despite coming from a decent sized house and a lawyer for a father and a private school and a nice car… etc). So, coming to college, I thought it was great that my roommate wanted to bring her TV, but I didn’t have one to bring and I didn’t have my own money to spend on buying one.</p>
<p>Truth is, I rarely ever used the TV in our room my freshman year. I probably only used it 10-15 times the entire year.</p>
<p>I brought a mini fridge, because I already had one at my house. I think my parents bought it years ago for the office, but whenever they downsized, they didn’t need it any longer so it was sitting in our attic not being used. I had a meal plan and I rarely ever used our fridge. I think I might have kept kool-aid jammers in there for snacks, but those didn’t need to be refrigerated.</p>
<p>We had a microwave (that my roommate brought), but I probably only used it maybe 4-5 times the entire year. Again, with a meal plan, I didn’t really ever need to use it.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine if you want to bring all of those things. It’s going to be your place too, but you shouldn’t be mad that your roommate doesn’t want to bring those things. They may not even end up using them at all, and if that’s the case, then why should he waste his money on buying things just so you two can “share” when he’s not even going to be using it?</p>