Rough First Semester, and Weighing My Options

Student Lounge College Life
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I’m a freshman at an Ivy League school and long story short, I’m having a pretty difficult time. I’ve dealt with a lot of family issues in the past year or so and it’s definitely taken it’s toll on me emotionally. My grades are suffering (dropped down to 3 classes, going to get an A, B/C (B most likely), and a Pass. I am not really involved in any activities or clubs and I dont like the friends I’ve made. Right now, I just feel like I want to be closer to home, and am considering trying to transfer to NYU or Barnard. Everyone keeps saying to me that once I get more involved on campus, I’ll like my school more and things will be better, but I’m not convinced. I’m just not sure what I should do. Second semester I’m really going to try to get my grades up and try to transfer for next fall or wait until next fall and apply for the spring.

I guess what I really am asking for is advice. Is it worth it to give up the name brand education for another school? I want to go to med school eventually, and that is one of my highest priorities in making this decision. The other priority is my mental health, however. I wish this decision were an easier one. Thanks to any and all who can provide another perspective.

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First of all, sounds like you have a good plan A–trying to get your grades up next semester (even though your current grades don’t seem so horrible to me). I would add continuing to try to get involved in activities and friendships. You are still on the steep side of the college learning curve and there are reasons (beyond name brand I hope) that you chose this school in the first place. Since it is a prestigious school, you want to think long and hard before you give it up, especially if money is a factor and you got a sweet financial aid deal in the process. The next school’s money offer may not be so sweet.

For your plan B–transferring–I am wondering if you can apply to transfer, but then decide whether or not to accept the offer (if you get one) late in the second semester once you give plan A a go? I don’t really know how transferring works, but that approach would seem reasonable. It seems to me that you are not necessarily giving up a name brand education if you are applying to transfer to other name brand schools–only you and your family can assess how important that is a factor for you. And again, can you afford to transfer? If money isn’t an object that is one thing, but from what I understand from this website, financial aid for transfers isn’t always that great, so you have to factor the financial realities into your decision making.

As far as your mental health goes, hopefully you are using available services at your current school to address your emotional state, if not, then that would be the place to start. Also, if there are parents in this picture that have any influence in your life, talking to them about all of these issues over the winter break would probably be a good idea. While you are an adult and it is ultimately your decision, your choices to affect them, and they can guide you if you can be honest about what is going on for you.

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@NorthernMom61 Thanks so much for you reply. I guess I really am still learning to live in college so that’s a good reason to try and stick it out. I will try next semester to get more involved on campus, even if I don’t feel like it. I guess I just need to do whatever I can to keep my options open.

As for plan B, my financial aid package was horrible, so we just took out loans. I’m sure the next school wouldn’t give anything better in aid, either, so the cost will probably be the same either way. My problem with the school is mainly that I was forced into going to the school over another great school by my parents, and I am still upset over it. I’m probably making it a bigger deal than it is just because I find myself homesick. I think the much needed winter break will help me get my head screwed on straight and the choice will be more clear for me

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If you are at a school you didn’t want to attend in the first place, that may be another issue altogether that is affecting how willing you have been to dig in and fall in love with the school you are attending. And, homesickness going up and down over freshman year and beyond is very normal–kids seem to expect it to magically just stop, but it doesn’t work like that–it is a process (I live far away from my “home”, am in my mid-50s, and still get homesick sometimes).

Having a break and some honest discussions with your parents seems like a good idea, especially since it sounds like you need their ability to get loans to help finance your education no matter where you go.

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Hey there,

I’m in a sort-of similar situation. Feel free to PM me if you want more details. A couple of things I will say:

-If you apply to transfer, you’re not bound to that. If things work out next semester, or if you decide you want the name-brand education, you can still stick with current school. This is something that my therapist has emphasized repeatedly, and I think it’s good to keep in mind.

-You need to take care of yourself first. One of the things that I’ve found is that it’s very hard to find inspiration and live up to your aspirations when you’re unhappy. This could mean your GPA is lower because you can’t focus. It could mean that you have no drive to do research or find internships. Either way, it could affect your applications to med school (along with, you know, considerably worsening the quality of your life).

-Isn’t Barnard sort of an Ivy? Don’t their degrees mention Columbia on them? I certainly wouldn’t consider it far down the ladder, and I doubt med school admissions would either.

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Are the family issues resolved?
I would not think in general it would be good to transfer from an Ivy to another school (make sure they take transfers and what the GPA has to be) unless it would be significantly cheaper?

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Seems like there are family issues involved if the OP was forced by family to go to a school that gave a “horrible” financial aid package and required lots of loans.

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Family issues are not resolved, but at this point they are irrelevant and my health and well-being are more important

@SpringAwake15 your advice is really helpful, when I think long-term like that I definitely feel like transferring would help a lot. But then again, I might feel differently in a few months. I guess it’s a good idea to just apply and see where things go from there.

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If your parents forced you to go to this school, how will they react when you want to transfer? Will they even help you with co-signing for loans? You can only borrow a small amount each year as a college student, the rest must be borrowed by your parents.

Be sure to have an honest, calm discussion over your winter break. Speak of your mental distress, and try your best to be respectful as you are interacting with them. Overall, you want to be observant of their house rules (curfews, etc.) and be sure to jump in and help with cooking, laundry, keeping your room clean, etc. Thank them several times for their help with your college education.

If you are over 18 years of age, they can not legally force you to do anything. They can, however, kick you out of their house and cut off all funding. So you want to walk softly as you try to paint a picture of your misery and frustration. If they are not willing to help you if you transfer, you can ask if they will let you live at home. You can attend classes locally, or skip college altogether for a semester and do some work or volunteer in some medical related area that might help beef up your application for med school later on.

There are many stories on this forum of creative ways to become educated. There are stops and restarts, transfers and medical withdrawals, etc. Don’t stress too much if you need to step back and take a break while you focus on your mental health.

One last thought…you need to process your feelings over winter break. Be honest with yourself as you question whether your bad experiences/grades are of your own doing. In other words, did you directly or indirectly sabotage yourself just to spite your parents? You might not even be aware of doing this, but think back over your first semester about the choices you have made. If you were at a college of your own choosing, would you have made more of an effort to join clubs and attend campus events?

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Freshman year is an adjustment, no matter how you slice it. Living away from home, adapting to a new environment, adjusting to higher expectations and a more intense workload, managing time— not uncommon to have some growing pains. Treat yourself kindly.

However, I will say that I have known freshman that had a hard time getting used to a place, decided to transfer, and then started to feel more comfortable at their original university right at the end of their freshman year- but apparently they had committed to transfer. One girl left and regretted it initially, though eventually adapted to her new school. The other girl left, found great academics at her new school but found it socially difficult. She wound up returning to her original school. So really think this out and try to figure out how much of your feeling is about being in a new, unfamiliar place, missing home, versus how much of it is SPECIFIC to characteristics of the institution you are at. Are the friends you’ve made typical of the place, or are there other groups of people you could get to know? Is the campus comfortable for you? How do you like your classes? Are professors accessible?

Institutions do have their identities. I know a student who majored in English at a very traditional Ivy League college who would have fit in better at an edgier institution. I know a “third culture kid” (American raised abroad) who could not adjust to a frat and football focused liberal arts college in a rural town. Sometimes the fit doesn’t work. But give your current school a chance, and don’t reject it unless you can identify why.

Look at your academics; think about the courses you want to take; determine if you can achieve your goals at your present school. Seek out help- from fellow students, from professors and TAs, and reach out to counseling services- this is what they are here for.

As for the loans, that is another issue altogether. You will have to pay them back so make sure they are affordable. If you feel you are going into unaffordable debt, I would think twice. Remember- kids get into med school from SUNYs.

I agree with other posters that you can always apply to transfer but not accept the offer unless you feel enthusiastic about it at the time. However, the fact that you mention transferring to Barnard or NYU has me a bit concerned because they are VERY different schools. The kind of person that would thrive at a large, decentralized school like NYU might not be one to appreciate the more intimate, single sex education of Barnard. Have you narrowed down a major yet? You need to investigate the departments at your target schools.

A final thought: would it be feasible to put in an application to the school you regret not attending?

Wishing you strength.