<p>How about the parents that are paying full freight for their kid to attend the college of choice and major in a field of their choosing? (Don’t want to hijack the thread), this is exactly what we are doing! And while student was accepted at some great colleges, we allowed student to choose–of course, we did have discussions to point out the pros and cons of all acceptances, but ultimately allowed student to choose. Then, came the major! Student would only look at colleges with particular chosen major and while we don’t have any major issues, we do wonder if other majors would have been a better fit given the stronger skills in some areas. But, alas, student indicates the challenge of chosen major has been indeed interesting. So, we are allowing our student to bloom and discover life! I had a parent that tried to talk me out of my college major–really did not have much of a choice as to college; and ended up w/small loan on top of that. Yes, my parent was probably correct in trying to talk me out of my major, the argument being that I would never make any money in the field- (the more my parent pushed the issue, the more determined I was to graduate in the major of my choosing!) Spouse on the other hand was guided by a parent that strongly encouraged attendance at the “best” school of admittance. Yes, spouse was content and does look back fondly on those years. So, I guess my point is that with our own student, we tried NOT to push too much one way or the other–given our own experiences. I can say this, it is not our intention to pay for another degree in a completely different major–student can pay for add’l degrees!</p>
<p>I’ve had many discussions with a former college professor on students pursuing their dreams vs choosing a major that provides a financial return. His opinion is that those with family wealth can best choose to do what they want to do with no concern about a financial return.</p>
<p>There are a lot of people out there that are very unhappy with their financial situations. One may be unhappy with what they do but the ability to put food on the table to feed their families can be a higher priority than personal job satisfaction.</p>
<p>"How about the parents that are paying full freight for their kid to attend the college of choice and major in a field of their choosing? "</p>
<p>I still don’t think that the parent should force the student into majors of the parents’ choosing. I do think, however, that when students have some skin in the game – loans or having to work summers and/or during the school year to help pay for college – they are likely to think about the financial aspects of their majors and career choices. That’s because they have more of a sense about the importance of money to survival.</p>
<p>S chose to be a theater major. S has loans for college and also works during the school year and summer to pay for his books, entertainment, during the school year. S chose his major after a lot of consideration – including talking to professors and the career center about job possibilities. </p>
<p>He is focusing on the tech side of theater, which is where there tend to be jobs, and on his own, he found summer employment related to that. He loves his chosen field, and keeps saying he is doing now what he can to ensure employment in that field after graduation. He also says that since he has loans to repay, he knows that if he can’t find a job in his field after graduation, he’ll have to enter a different field (S has skills and experience that would allow him to do that), but he is doing now everything he can to avoid that possibility.</p>
<p>I also think it’s wise for parents to let students know what the parent’s expectations will be for the student after graduation. Let the student know if they will be welcome to return home and continue to be fully supported by parents for unlimited time after they graduate. If that would be OK with you, realize that could be an invitation to your student to not seek employment ever. If you’d let the student live at home – if they were paying rent and following house rules, let your student know that now – and make sure that your student knows how to find a job. This includes your student’s understanding that without some kind of employment during college – and that employment usually should include one paid or unpaid summer internship – it will be very hard for the student to find post college work in any field that requires a college degree.</p>
<p>I can understand that there are some things that parents believe are “worth” their money and some are not. It’s the same calculations we make every day. I may have $10 available, and I may believe that it is worth spending $10 on lunch, but not on candy. Does that mean that just because I have the money available, I should spend it on candy?</p>
<p>I can understand how a parent can determine that they would pay full freight for College A, but not for College B, which they don’t believe is “worth it.” I can also understand how they can determine that a school is “worth it” for a particular major but not for another. My father told my brother that an Ivy was worth it for a science major, since that involves a lot of specialized expensive equipment, but that one could study English anywhere with a decent library (this was well before the Internet). I can’t say that he was totally wrong. </p>
<p>And just as an FYI - I didn’t do this to my kid. I let my d go where she wanted and she’s studying what she wants. But if other parents make different decisions, I cannot say that they are wrong.</p>
<p>There are lots of students that come into the engineering board and ask: which engineering major pays the most? Those in engineering usually reply that they should pick something that they will love because the schooling is grueling, salaries start high but top out and the work can be a grind sometimes. It can be hard to get through it in school and in life if it isn’t for you. There are a lot of kids that don’t know what college is like, what is involved in a major and what the real world is like for working in jobs associated with their majors. Parents can be clueless. But they don’t have to be.</p>
<p>Professors may or may not know what the job market is like or what working in the real world is like. They certainly have insights in academia and research but I wouldn’t assume that they are experts in the corporate world.</p>
<p>One can be suggestive and help them craft a plan of what if’s, and prepare. My nephew and extremely talented artist, wanted to be an art major. My BIL got him a job in the advertising business summer of his senior year. They new exposing him to the reality of the jobs/salaries available and to those in the trenches it would help him formulate a plan for his future. My nephew combined his art major with education, with his contacts he freelances art work as an illustrator as well as his teaching job. Though he wont be a millionaire, he has so many options since he went for his teaching degree his summers free to do what he really loves as well as his teaching career.</p>
<p>My parents, throughout my childhood, always encouraged me to go to pharmacy school at StateU (where they are both alums). I went along with the plan, worked at a pharmacy in high school and learned from that experience that i did NOT want to work in retail pharmacy, though I was still interested in pharmaceuticals. I looked at colleges that offered programs in pharmaceutical chemistry or chemical engineering, eventually attending a private LAC, where I changed to civil engineering within a semester.<br>
My parents were really supportive through the whole process (though I guess there are worse things than having your daughter insist on going to engineering school). In the end, I made my own decision, but I’m not sure I would have chosen this career path had my they not emphasized science and technology related fields when I was in middle school. (I test really well in english and humanities, and probably would have thought I wasn’t smart enough for engineering).</p>
<p>I think that parents should help guide their kids a little. I know I was considering history as a major until my parents pointed out to me that my writing skills were not very strong and that I might be better off in a non-liberal arts field. Although they didn’t “force” me to do a science/engineering major, they were very helpful in pointing out what they perceived to be a better major for me instead of leaving me on my own.</p>
<p>However, I think that in this case it’s kinda “cruel”. Mass College Of Pharmacy & Health Sciences is a school for only pharmacy and health sciences so it’s not like he can take business classes along with his pharmacy classes. Also, it’s not like the parents can’t pay for him to go to NYU or Brandeis, they are very well off having sent their child off to private school and live a very well-off lifestyle.</p>
<p>:rolleyes:
I knew very few people growing up who attended college and when they did it was a community college or an instate university.
My mother ( my father died senior year of high school after she failed to call for aid because she wanted to teach him a lesson), I admit did not take any part in choosing which college I should attend.
She didn’t pay for me to attend, nor my brother or sister.
When you are an adult- you can’ make your own decisions ( and pay for them as well)
No- it isn’t optimal- but it is life for most.</p>
<p>I talked to a resident at Yale years ago that LOVED working with his hands, but with wood…he made things, helped build houses when he had time off, but his parents were aghast of course that he would think “blue collar” and not white. He seemed wistful that being an MD like his dad was his only option that was “funded” but his goal was to retire early and then be healthy and set to do what he loved, even if he volunteered.
I heard many other stories back then (over 10 years ago) but they were more, “I wanted to be a lawyer” but my parents insisted on medical. Most of these of course were affluent parents that had this goal since birth and spent a lot of money to get them to this point. I thought with some though, it wasn’t a good fit, they weren’t happy or well liked doctors and maybe they would have been happier with a better fit.
That said, as the years went on, those stories continued but much less as the field of medicine got less desirable. I talked to some doctors now that are talking their children out of the field all together for many reasons.
Except for a few people, most students that felt manipulated to go into a certain field also realized how lucky they were to have the funding and not worry about loans or housing, cars, etc.</p>
<p>I do remember one young man my husband told me about at Yale. His parents were very rich, geared him to Yale and medical degree and yielded their money with much power…everything was “do this or you are cut off”. He went along until he met a women he fell in love with and wanted to hopefully marry when done with school. She was African American and they had a fit. He heard the same line,re the money but held his ground. I would love to say they came around but they didn’t and he finished school with loans and with his girl. My husband lost track after 5 years but I hope they eventually made up. Sometimes the power struggle with money can cause deep wounds.</p>
<p>My daughter’s high school boyfriend’s parents did this to him. He wanted to major in a program that would have him designing video games. They didn’t support him and told him he had to attend local community college instead. I felt the same way as the OP but now three years later, I think they were right and had their reasons for doing this. He wasn’t mature enough and really wasn’t prepared for leaving the nest. They knew what they are talking about and now he is enrolled in a state college in business and LOVING it.</p>
<p>My sister in law graduated second in her class and wanted to go premed. This was in the early 70’s and my father in law refused to allow her to major in pre-med because “it would take a space in the class from a man who would need to support a family.” She’s now in the medical technology field and has always carried a major chip on her shoulder about never living up to her potential in life. She is the reason we have told our daughters they can go to any school they want (and can get into, of course) and major in pretty much whatever they want. </p>
<p>The one major we have reservations about is drama/theater/musical theater. We have a lot of actors in our family and ALL of them have said if you major in theater, minor in something you can do to pay the bills: education, dental hygiene, business ANYTHING. Every single one of them (and some of them are quite successful working actors) have said they wish they had some marketable skill to use in between jobs. For instance, my sister, who majored in “Experimental Theater” at NYU says she might as well have been majoring in waitressing, lol. </p>
<p>We have one daughter who may or may not go that route and she has known since day one that she will also be minoring in something that’ll help keep food on the table during the lean times.</p>
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<p>Back in the 70’s I was encouraged to go into the medical technology field, because it “was a good career for a woman”. After 5 years of intense stress, horrible pay, and working shifts and holidays I returned to school and took classes enabling me to sit for the CPA exam. Got a job in accounting and never looked back.</p>
<p>On another note, D has 2 good friends who wish to become chefs. One will be attending culinary school with her parents’ blessing, the other one was not allowed to and will attend a university to major in something her family finds more “acceptable”. Very sad.</p>
<p>Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, my parent’s take was study or go anywhere you want, just don’t expect us to pay for it. I studies dance for two year at a disaster school in Texas and bailed - eventually (like a decade later) I pulled off an MBA and a international corporate job that I loved. </p>
<p>I really wish that my parent had taken a role, talked about trade offs and financial realities, and just plain of cared. It was a long hard struggle, with a really young person making bad decisions in an informational void. </p>
<p>I guess the key is balance and discussion about choices and tradeoffs; </p>
<p>*Economic realities tempered with the value of a thinking education;
*Keeping doors open (you can be a doctor or an actor from pre-med, but you can’t be a doctor from a musical theater.);
*The value of minors. (Don’t major in environment engineering; study civil engineering with environmental classes and ECs)
*Competition: who else is heading in that direction and how will you stack up.</p>
<p>Or course having meaningful discussion with teenagers can be tough. GOOD LUCK TO US ALL</p>
<p>From time to time it was shown that people who pursue their careers out of their own talent or passion is the ones most likely to succeed and be happy. Ironically those people who pick the ‘hot’ jobs purely for the sake of making a lot of money are the ones least likely to make a lot of money in the long run. </p>
<p>Therefore it is in both in the interests of students and their parents that they are allowed to go for majors that they truly love. I am sure that parents want their child to live happy and able to earn a good living. Their child isn’t likely to be either if they are denied the chance to pursue what they want.</p>
<p>I know the theme of this discussion is not the outrageous # of applications this “sad story” boy filed. But am I the only one who thinks this is an abuse of the process? What about the kids who were waitlisted or rejected at the 28 other schools?</p>
<p>“From time to time it was shown that people who pursue their careers out of their own talent or passion is the ones most likely to succeed and be happy. Ironically those people who pick the ‘hot’ jobs purely for the sake of making a lot of money are the ones least likely to make a lot of money in the long run.”</p>
<p>Do you have references for “it was shown”?</p>
<p>“Therefore it is in both in the interests of students and their parents that they are allowed to go for majors that they truly love. I am sure that parents want their child to live happy and able to earn a good living. Their child isn’t likely to be either if they are denied the chance to pursue what they want.”</p>
<p>The vast majority of people living and that have lived in the past weren’t able to pursue what they wanted and wants are frequently based on static information. I don’t have a way to judge the happiness of humanity throughout the ages where being successful meant putting food on the table regularly.</p>
<p>A little quote about being contented:</p>
<p>I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of being well fed and going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need.</p>
<p>As a parent, you learn to subjugate your wants to the needs of your kids. You may take an inferior job because there are greater benefits to your family. You may put off going to get that graduate degree so that you can spend time with your kids conveying the wisdom of adults instead of the passing fads.</p>
<p>My references? Erm…I’m not sure. My own experiences plus success stories I have heard? </p>
<p>I tend to make money easier at things I am naturally good at. And I loved doing what I do, which helped greatly in making me focus on the job.</p>
<p>29 applications? Really!</p>
<p>Actually- when I read the OP- my first thought was * 29 applications?*
That is really sad.</p>
<p>One daughter applied to five and the other to two.</p>
<p>However since the student in question " didn’t have a problem"- I wonder why the OP does?</p>
<p>Not everyone needs to share the same priorities.</p>
<p>Because the logic implies that the more schools you apply the greater the chances that your admission will be accepted in at least one of them.</p>