Sample SAT "12" Essays

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<p>I love the way people candidly speaking up their opinions on CC. amb3r's criticism towards TheF's essay brings up an interesting point. I think it's quite discouraging for lots of students who read TheF's essay. One can PRACTICE to write like 8parks11, but one has to STUDY to write like TheF. </p>

<p>8parks11's is a solid, typical 12 SAT essay. Actually I think it's a bit too good to be a 12. He could have made a few more mistakes and still got a 12. </p>

<p>TheF brought up some philosophical arguments in his essay, lots of SAT-vocab with complex ideas. I don't think he was trying to sound fancy and intelligent just for the sake of sounding fancy and intelligent. The style is quite common among avid fictional-readers.</p>

<p>"Good writing often breaks the rule." Yet one doesn't have to break the rule in order to write well. So it's not that we should not write like TheF if we want to get a 12. We just don't have to.</p>

62

<p>IMHO, I think my essay is at least an 11 despite a few flaws. I think a reader would be able to appreciate the examples I used and how I demonstrated them.</p>

63

<p>Ilovesoftball... I would say 10 ~ 11 -ish.
Strong examples (and great relations to modern culture!), but show, not tell. Your essay is good in that it has three examples, but it didn't really have the level of detail that a 12 essay should have. The thing about the "3 example" model is that, within the 25 minute limit, one doesn't exactly have the time (unless you're a super fast writer!) to elaborate much. So unless your examples are self-sufficient, I'd recommend that you stay with 2 and elaborate more.</p>

<p>I liked your style - consise and brief, and to the point. I'd suggest having a bit more of smooth transition, though.</p>

<p>Otherwise, well done!</p>

64

<p>"Triwizard's answer to the question is crystal-clear."</p>

<p>Triwizard, I liked your essay (I originally gave it an 11, and I'll elaborate on why it's a solid 11 to me). </p>

<p>Your essay is a 12 in that it
-has a good example (Rosa Parks is obvious).
-has a good style of writing (not flowery or muddled)
-has depth / develops example enough
-smart intro</p>

<p>It is an 11 that it
-has merely 1 example (this isn't a paradox to the "12" element in that it only involved one incident; there is no mention of any other examples).
-good writing, but needs more show, not tell.
-Thesis only pops up at end - I had to scan the essay again to realize that was your point </p>

<p>The main thing is that I thought you needed more elaboration - again, vivid details, but your core is a bit missing.</p>

<p>I had a friend who wrote an essay quite similar to yours, and she got a 10.</p>

<p>But otherwise, your essay isn't bad at all - as a matter of fact, it's quite well done. :D</p>

65

<p>Thanks to 6y6y6 and blubberxyz for your valuable critiques. </p>

<p>It is interesting to note that the College Board does have a rubric listing the 5 characteristics of a Level 6 Essay. For purposes of easy reference here they are:
1. Effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position.
2. Is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas.
3. Exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary.
4. Demonstrates meaningful variety of sentence structure
5. Is free of most errors of grammar, usage and mechanics.</p>

<p>Based upon these criteria I thought my essay deserved a 12. So was the problem a tough reader or is there a difference between using a single illustrative example or using multiple examples? I actually enjoyed writing the Rosa essay and am proud of it. But I have to be pragmatic. So I wrote a 3 example essay for the October SAT and received a 12. To be honest the 3 example essay was easier to write. The key is being able to quickly think of three good examples. </p>

<p>I'm taking the SAT one more time tomorrow. My Critical Reading and Writing scores are great but I've got to raise my math score. So it looks like I will writing one more essay. I have been doing some reading about Raoul Wallenberg, Woodrow Wilson and the Versailles Treaty, and Martin Luther at the Diet of Worms. I like to write about historic figures who showed courage and conviction. If the topic allows I am going to play it safe and write a three example essay. Will post my thoughts after the test tomorrow!</p>

66

<p>Hello Triwizard. Could you please help me obtain the released AP European history exams? It would be such a help. Thank you! Feel free to email me at <a href="mailto:nothing.ashley@gmail.com">nothing.ashley@gmail.com</a> Thank you!</p>

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<p>Thanks for your comment blubberxyz!</p>

68

<p>no problem. hopefully it helped. :)</p>

69

<p>This is my essay in the October SAT. I was luckily awarded a 12, because as I retyped this essay, I found so many grammatical mistakes and there were several superfluous words that made some sentences quite awkward.
The prompt was: "Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves?"</p>

<p>Though people are born and raised in specific cultural backgrounds, it is through critical reasoning and innovative decisions their identities are conceived.</p>

<p>John Marshall, probably the most influential Chief Justice of the United Sates have ever had, is a perfect example for changing the traditions and creating an identity for himself. By the time Marshall took over the seat of Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, the judicial branch was no more than a court that dealt with daily trifles and was obliged to travel long distance to sit in on rulings of inferior courts. Marshall established a stronger judiciary, one that can effectively limit the powers of the executive and legislative branches. In the case Marbury vs. Madison, Marshal altered history by interpreting the Constitution such that the Court was given the power of judicial review. Because of this ruling, Marshal broke away the ideals of British court and formulated a unique American court system that would be an independent force of the government. In a sense, Marshal not only established himself as the most influential Chief Justice, but also created a powerful identity for the Supreme Court.</p>

<p>Another example of forming [? I can’t read my own handwriting] identity through actions is the late economist Milton Friedman. After the … … … [three words I cannot identify] the Great Depression, most liberal governments adopted the economic theory of John Maynard Keynes—the so-called demand-side economics. Friedman, however, had his own vew of this dynamic, globalizing economy. He was not afraid to assert his own opinions and challenge the demand-side stronghold. He trained the twenty-five students who later became known as the Chicago Boys. His ideas were implemented as his students went back to Chile and carried out Friedman’s supply-side economics as Chile’s fiscal policy. In the following decade, the Chilean miracle—an astounding growth rate—that resulted from Friedman’s ideology gained world attention. Friedman also became the most influential economist of his time. Thus, through innovation and implementation, Friedman erected an identity for himself; a German newspaper called him “Der Konterrevolutionar” to illustrate his revolutionary theory.</p>

<p>As shown in Marshal and Friedman’s experiences, we sometimes have to break away from the traditions we inherit from the past and formulate our own policies from knowledge, critical thinking, and, most importantly, implementation. Through innovation and novel ways of thinking can we have our own identity in the pages of history.</p>

70

<p>Clear and concise, tongchen! I really liked how you took an example (or two) and really elaborated on it. You seem to handle your vocabulary quite well!</p>

<p>I also like how you don't sound pretentious or snobby ,and how you really seem to know what you're talking about.</p>

<p>Great "show not tell!" :)</p>

<p>Congrats!</p>

71

<p>My essay got a 12, but I am a sophomore at Stanford. I took the test to help prepare for the SAT prep company I founded...</p>

<p>October 2007 "Is anything truly original?" Prompt.</p>

<hr>

<p>Throughout history, creative endeavors have been consistently prized as some of mankind’s greatest achievements. Yet, originality is never completely true. As evidenced by literary efforts following the Gilgamesh Epic, the role of the University of Chicago in the second ghettoization of urban Chicago, and the technology approach of Apple, complete originality cannot be found in the world today.</p>

<p>The Gilgamesh Epic—which entails the adventures of king and comrade—is commonly recognized as the first written narrative. Following this achievement, however, literature was denied the capability of being truly original. Every man-and-friend tale, from Huckleberry Finn to Lord of the Rings, has somewhere in its origins the delightful camaraderie found in the Gilgamesh epic. While both Huckleberry Finn and Lord of the Rings are innovative in certain respects, they nevertheless lack complete originality for the motifs and witticisms of each work have a foundation in history. Yet, to call the Gilgamesh epic utterly original would be erroneous as well. Even Gilgamesh—the first substantial work—finds its character from previous oral recollections and the environment of the time.</p>

<p>While the rhetoric of literature often proves to lack originality, the same can be said of the rhetoric of history. In the 1950’s, the University of Chicago attempted to smokescreen the residents of Chicago into believing that it was supportive of an interracial community. Even though the liberalism of the institution shrouded the university’s intentions, people ultimately saw through Chicago’s chicanery and realized that their main intent was to drive blacks out of the “classy” Hyde Park region. Indeed, Chicago’s attempt to ostensibly appear integrationist—and hence original—was seen through by an angered community. The residents of Chicago saw through the University’s ploy and realized that the University, despite its progressive posture, was no less racist than the rest of Chicago. It became clear that even a university lacks true originality for the cultural environment is so strongly engaged.</p>

<p>Even in the modern era, pragmatic concerns override the need to produce works that are unique. Indeed, the business strategy at Apple is designed not to envision completely new ideas, but to make improvements on old ones. Even innovative products like the I-Pod are merely amalgamations of previous ideas. The capability of Apple to envision these products is certainly noteworthy. Yet, to call them original would be a slap in the face to both Apple executives and former designers alike.</p>

<p>Originality is a fickle thing, and it is hard to come by in a world where so many ideas already exist.</p>

72

<p>Thanks to everyone for sharing their essays. I bookmarked this thread for my son (who's taking the SAT in Dec) to read. So much better to hear this stuff from other students than from mom! :-)</p>

<p>Appreciate it!</p>

73

<p>Copied with all grammatical and spelling errors intact :(</p>

<p>Essay Prompt:
A person does not simply "receive" his or her identity. Identity is much more than the name or features one is born with. True identity is something people must create for themselves by making choices that are significant and that require a courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Identity means having ideas and values that one lives by. Adapted from Thomas Merton, Contemplation in a World of Action</p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT:
Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves? Plan and write an essay... etc. etc.</p>

<p>An ancient Sudanese proverb reads, “Your mother crafts the bowl, but nature fills it.” Scholars have debated the influence of nature versus nurture for decades; however, irrespective of genetic influence, creatures are changed by that which they experience. Through the examples of a traumatic experience that my best friend experienced, and the experiments of psychologist Harry Harlow, we will explore the idea that, yes, identity and personality is created not by genes, but by experience. </p>

<pre><code>My best friend Melissa was once the girl who always laughed first and longest, always had a bad knock-knock joke, and always laughed at her own mistakes. However, in spring of 2003, Melissa was raped by two boys at a party. After, her demenor changed. She was no longer the lighthearted girl my friends and I all knew. Last summer, instead of spending her time laughing with friends at the mall and joking about which guy “liked her,” she was hospitalized after swallowing a bottle of pills. The depression she felt as a result of her rape had driven her to desperate measures and she didn’t believe she could go back to the person she once was.

While Melissa’s experience came from her environment, psychologist Harry Harlow’s job was to change the environment of his subjects. In 1971, Harry Harlow created an experiment to test the influence of mothering on baby monkeys. He gave one group of monkeys a toy mother with a soft towel they could cuddle with, and the other group was given only food. The results proved that the monkeys denied of the “contact comfort” of the towel had severe anxiety and health problems as a result. They were changed, and for the worse.

So, in conclusion, the experiences of Melissa & Dr. Harlow’s monkey’s influenced them greatly. Their bowls were filled with pain and suffering, and as a result, their identities reflected that pain.
</code></pre>

<p>Oh, and for those worried about their future scores: I have no idea how I managed a 12, first off. I puked during the break; that is how sick I was that day! I seriously thought that I made an 8 or something. And second, I completely bs-ed the essay. Hardcore BS, seriously. The friend example is essentially entirely fabricated and by the time I finished that, I realized that I only had a few more minutes to write the second example and conclusion, which is why my examples are so unbalanced. There is no such sudanese proverb and Harry Harlow did those experiments from 1963 to 1968. I could only remember the general time period heh. Also, that example was largely (and absurdly!) simplified in the essay, and, if interpreted with no previous knowledge, explains the scenario as different than what it actually was. </p>

<p>So, I guess if you want a 12, you should make up quotations, completely BS your examples to make them sound over-dramatic and/or you more informed, and simplify your science examples as much as possible. Also, it may sound silly, but I really believe that correctly using “irrespective,” throwing in a (albeit incorrect) year, and tying the silly sudanese bowl example back in at the conclusion helped a lot. That was a crappy conclusion, but I don’t think that they cared mainly because it was at least planned to bring the essay full-circle. </p>

<p>Oh, and my ACT essay score was not nearly as good. I attribute it to not really looking at the ACT before taking it (so I wasn’t sure what they wanted and probably didn’t give it to them) and it being at the end of the test (SAT essay is at the beginning) when I was already passed out by the time I got to the science section. I don’t believe that they should have long standardized tests that early in the am!</p>

<p>Good luck to all!</p>

74

<p>Was the "worshiping heroes vs celebrities" the extra time essay for the Oct SAT?</p>

75

<p>October 2007 SAT, 12 essay</p>

<p>ESSAY PROMPT</p>

<p>A person does not simply "receive" his or her identity. Identity is much more than the name or features one is born with. True identity is something people must create for themselves by making choices that are significant and that require a courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Identity means having ideas and values that one lives by. Adapted from Thomas Merton, Contemplation in a World of Action </p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT: Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves? </p>

<p>My essay:
Identity is something that is unique and special to every individual. It is what makes them what they are and it gives them a sense of being. Each person’s identity is shaped by their own experiences and the people they encounter. I have observed this both in my own life and in various books I have read.</p>

<p>In my own life, I have a fairly good sense of my own identity. I am an artist, a friend, a student, a sister, the list goes on and on. All of these aspect make me who I am, but I would not have been able to arrive at where I am today without certain people and experiences in my life. One such experience is my time at Interlochen Arts Camp that has defined me as an artist. I went into it for music, but ended up taking a ceramics class as an elective and fell in love. The next year I went back as a ceramics major and chose a beginners metalsmithing class taught by Evan Larson, a person who I greatly admire and respect. He introduced me to this wonderful craft and taught me patience, the value of hard work, and so much more. I had found my calling. Now, each piece that I make has a little bit of Evan’s creative vision in it, but that is accompanied by my own vision and the vision of all the teachers I have had over the years. Making jewelry and working with metal is such a large part of my life that it defines me not only as an artist, but also as a person. I will be majoring in Metal and Jewelry Arts when I go to college next year, and I owe it all to the teachers I have learned from and all of the opportunities that I have been given. </p>

<p>I have also noticed this trend in my reading, especially in the book Hamlet’s Dresser by Bob Smith. In this autobiography, Mr. Smith tells the tale of how his life was shaped dramatically by Shakespeare and his summer job working as a dresser in a small theater in Stratford, CT. He was introduced to Shakespeare at a young age and became enthralled with the language and the stories that it soon became a very large part of his life. Working at the theater was a perfect job for him because he was able to be a part of the world that he so loved, without being put in the spotlight himself. The theater became a sanctuary for him in his adolescent year. In his later life he went on to teach Shakespeare to old women in nursing homes. </p>

<p>Bob Smith was so influence by Shakespeare that he became known as the “Shakespeare guy.” I was so influence by my art that I was voted “class metalsmith” for the yearbook this year. We were both so shaped by our experiences that they became part of our identities and part of what defines us as people. </p>

<p>So...yeah. I had been brainstorming for one of my college essays the night before, thinking about who I am and what made me who I am and all of that, so I was excited when I read this prompt. I think part of what made this one good from my point of view is that I didn't choose generic examples and I really made it personal. Just thought I'd share to add to the collection of 12 essays we have here.</p>

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<p>Please evaluate</p>

<p>And here is my essay from October as promised (doesn't seem so good anymore):
Prompt: (Not exact) Are we born with our identities or are they a result of the environment which we live?</p>

<p>The nature verses nurture debate is a quite enigmatic quandary for psychologists and laymen alike. Whether who we are is locked in a coffer called our genetic code or if we as humans are moldings of our environments, peers, and most certainly encounters is surely a question for the ages. However, I firmly stand staunchly in support of the notion we are strictly without identity and it is the end result of our trials and tribulations which evidently paint the mosaic which is our lives. Furthermore, the recounting of Frederick Douglas' life in his autobiographical narrative, "Narrative of the Life of a Slave," and the recent apalling tragedies of September 11th firmly prove that we as humans are shaped by the reactions we make to stimuli.</p>

<p>In the "Narrative of the Life of a Slave, Douglas crafts poignant memoir which repeatedly illustrates how the once slave, learned a plethora about who he was and how he was shaped to become the influential, legendary figure due to discovery of identity. More, specifically, when Douglas shares an anecdote about how he learned to surpass retaliation to one oppressive, domineering slave owner, he shows he changed that day forever. To anyone, it is clearly exhibited the power of a situation and how it can influence us to evolve to who we are. Through Douglas' writings, a crystal clear portrayal is presented to the reader how our identities are self-created.</p>

<p>More recently, this belief in creating our identities is more true than ever is reinforced wholeheartedly. An example would be when the treacherous terrorist attacks transpired. Many agree at this time a multitude of denizens of our country developed their identities as "Americans". It is remarkable how an entire nation responded so patriotically to a time which was so despondent. Personally, I can relate to this because in my home, my parents never were exemplary Americans in showing their devotion? to our great nation. However, six plus years later my parents still insist we give back to our country annually to commemorate of our nation's darkest hours. Certainly, my family's identity didn't turn us into death-defying firefighters who risked their lives to save others on that day in September, but it did shape how we respect and how much adulation we have for the U.S.</p>

<p>Perhaps even the puzzle which fills debates on nature verses nurture can be partially dissolved when presenting the evidence of people are affected by traumatic or life-altering events. With said information we can at least note the fluctuating identities we possess.</p>

77

<p>This was my 12 essay for the October 2007 SAT:</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:</p>

<p>A person does not simply "receive" his or her identity. Identity is much more than the name or features one is born with. True identity is something people must create for themselves by making choices that are significant and that require a courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Identity means having ideas and values that one lives by. Adapted from Thomas Merton, Contemplation in a World of Action </p>

<p>Assignment: Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>--</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<pre><code>The ancient Greek quote “Know thyself” is a powerful yet subtle expression. It gives meaning to the individual through its mysteriously short length. However, the quote “Know thyself” is in fact a very valuable quote about the identity of an individual. Identity in the modern world is relatively materialistic; an ambiguous and varying form of personal interests. Perhaps it is due to the environment that people are brought up in, but through our right of free will, it becomes clear that we as individuals, decide our own identities.

Just as a poet carves his expressions by deciding when and where his lines begin and end—that which is different from a prose writer who simply writes until there is no more available space—humans “carve out” their identity. It is a tedious and meticulous process; one that involves years of experiences and learning. For example, as a High School freshman, it was not apparent to me what my great passion in life was. As my career in High School continued, I learned, through both negative and positive experiences, that my passion was writing.

Writing allowed me to navigate into the deepest crevices of my soul, giving me the opportunity to pull out the anchor that only held me back from discovering what my identity was. I was not told or given a lecture on my passion, interests, or personal conflicts—I had to discover these attributes exclusively as an individual searching for his identity. Even through experiences involving love-hate relationships, social intolerance, and heated arguments between family and friends, it was NOT the environment that “gave” me MY identity, telling me to “receive” it. This world is not a communist dictatorship, we as individuals must seek, learn, and explore ourselves to appreciate and gradually build up our identity.

Just as Math is a cumulative and gradual process—one that involves learning the basics in order to build a foundation for more sophisticated mathematics in the future—creating our own identity is the same. Many defend the perspective of parents being a major influence on their children; while this is true, to what extent does this remain true? Are abusive parents who neglect their children the only two individuals who just hand an identity to their offspring? I must disagree, as I have been in this scenario myself and have chosen to deny an identity of a depressed, internally torn, and mentally unstable teenager. I understood that there was always more to my identity, which I had gracefully discovered after I sought what it truly was. It was in my power to do so, and it remains within every other person’s power as well—which is why we as humans must seek and create our identity—not just blandly “receive” it.
</code></pre>

<p>--</p>

<p>Tell me what you think!</p>

78

<p>You folks are awesome! Grammar is so perfect. How do you get there? Are you all first English speaker.</p>

79

<p>Ibanez's essay is very good, a solid 12. It doesn't follow the traditional format for a SAT essay, or a few of the guidelines, but still pulls it off.</p>

80

<p>@Cuong, I came to the US when I was 2 years old, and my primary language is English but I also speak Bengali. I think, read, and write in English; I can't read or write Bengali-- I speak it semi-fluently.</p>

<p>@amb3r: Thanks! I was really happy when I saw that my essay scored a 12, and I think the fact that it didn't follow a "set-in-stone" form of writing made the readers like it more.</p>