<p>My previous essay was on adversity. I think this one has more grammatical errors, but I tried to employ some techniques I've learned/seen.</p>
<p>Prompt: "'Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?"</p>
<p>Essay:</p>
<p>What comes to your mind when hear the word hero? Probably someone like Superman or Batman. However, I believe that a true hero is someone who is courageous enough to speak their opinions when others fear to do so. Three examples of this heroism are persecuted Christians, my friend Margie and William Wilburforce.</p>
<p>Christians around the world are persecuted for their beliefs and yet they continue to bravely speak their convictions. I once heard a story about a family which was taken from their home to a lonely place in the country, and told to renounce their beliefs or die. A few complied and were spared but the rest were murdered. Their bravery inspired the rest of the family to boldly proclaim the good news of Christianity. Not only were they heroes, they also inspired other to adopt a fearless attitude.</p>
<p>My friend Margie became an inspiration to me the other night when she defended some teens from ridicule and scorn. Several young adults dressed in a gothic manner were being mocked and mistreated by other teens. Instead of remaining silent, Margie defended the Goths and attempted to appease the persecutors. Her brace and compassionate defense made her a true hero in my eyes.</p>
<p>William Wilburforce was probably the cause for the end of slavery in England. When others were afraid to speak against it, he used his position and speaking prowess to denounce it. I cost him his health as well as his reputation, be he continued. Now Africans all over can consider him a hero because he spoke when others feared to.</p>
<p>Persecuted Christians, Margie and William Wilburforce all share one thing in common heroism. Because they spoke when other were afraid to, they are heroes to me and others. I only hope that their heroism can spur others on to courageous speaking.</p>
<p>Your essay is well-structured. I think the first example is OK--it would be better if there were a specific person you could identify, or maybe a more specific situation (i.e., the Christians who were thrown to the lions by the Romans).
I like the example of your friend--it could have been improved by suggesting that she risked ridicule or worse herself by speaking out.
The Wilburforce example is OK, but you don't say much about him, when he lived, etc. It suggests (to me) that all you know about him is that he opposed slavery. If you saw the recent movie about him, you might mention it.
Finally, make sure you know what words mean. A few with problems: appease and brace. Also, the phrase "Africans all over" is a bit odd.</p>
<p>I have got a question concerning the prompt:
"'Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?"
Am I right in the assumption that, according to the definition in the prompt, only those, who say what they think when other people lack courage, are heroes?
Would it exclude everyone else from being a hero, like those who help people in poor situation?
-> Is it supposed to be a full definition of the word "Hero" or is it rather asking if those who don't fear to spread their opinion are, AMONG OTHERS, heroes.</p>
<p>Cuz the way I am reading it, that definition should cover the full range of the word Hero...</p>
<p>You raise a good question, but I think you shouldn't overanalyze the prompt in a 25-minute essay. I think it's safest to write the kind of essay the prompt seems to be asking for--in this case, an essay that says that people who speak up when others are afraid to do so are true heroes, giving several examples.</p>
<p>I like your essay, it is well structured and your message is very clear.
But in my opinion, the first sentence should slightly be changed, as I believe that educated people like me, you and the grader, will rather be thinking of famous people who have made changes, like Nelson Mandela, instead of the comic heroes suggested by you.
Thats only my personal opinion though - it kinda lowers the expectency the reader gets of your nicely written essay.</p>