<p>I was just wondering what my chances are of a financial aid office granting me an appeal to reinstate my financial aid. I got my financial aid suspended because I have not completed %67 of the courses I have attempted since I started. I calculated that in order to achieve the %67 I have to take at least two more terms and successfully complete them. However, I need the financial aid to even take the next two terms.</p>
<p>This is what I have so far. I am having a hard time coming up with a significant plan. Because the only real thing I can think of is if they put me back onto probation and let me show them. But in order to complete the %67 rate I have to go for at least two more terms. Any advice?</p>
<p>Dear Financial Aid:
My name is ---------, and I am writing this letter to appeal the decision of financial aid suspension. I am asking you to please place me back onto probation for the Spring 2013 semester, with financial aid privileges, so that I may prove how dedicated I am to my schooling and graduating with a degree.
I made a lot of mistakes during my first two semesters at ----, and I take full responsibility for my actions. I was having personal issues that kept me from doing well in school, but I have since then resolved those issues. I no longer have a hectic home life or work schedule; which prevented me from being able to focus properly on my school work. Because of this I allowed my GPA to drop below standards. At that time I didn’t consider the impact of not having a college education would affect me. After a two-year hiatus, following my Spring 2010 semester, I learned that without a proper college education I will be stuck working medial jobs for the rest of my life; I do not want that life for myself. This is a monumental reason for me to attend school, and an even greater motivator to do well and complete my degree successfully.
Because of my behavior and my own misdirection during my Fall 2009 and Spring 2010 semesters, I brought financial aid suspension upon myself. Due to this outcome I worked hard during the Fall 2012 semester to bring my grades to satisfactory standards. During the Fall 2012 semester I earned all A’s and brought my GPA up from a 1.333 to a 2.333. I will continue to improve my GPA with each semester. While I improved my GPA for SAP standards, I did not complete the quantitative requirements for SAP approval. This is currently the reason why my financial aid has been suspended. The first step to fix this was to change my degree plan to something that is more suitable for me- A.A.S. Administration of Criminal Justice. I wish to pursue this degree because I have always wanted to work in law enforcement and I know procuring this degree will allow me that opportunity.
At this time, I have 9 credits completed towards the A.A.S. Administration of Justice degree. I understand that 9 credits is only a small victory towards accomplishing a degree. However, after I have successfully finished the Spring 2013 semester I will have accomplished 21 credits toward my degree. In adherence to the SAP requirement of %67 completion rate, after the Spring 2013 semester I will have attempted a total of 52 credits and completed 31 credits. This will bring my completion rate to %59.6. In order to bring my degree progression to %67, I would like to use my Pell grant to take Summer 2013 term. After the Summer 2013 term I will have attempted a total of 67 credits and earned a total of 46 credits; this leaves me with a percentage rate of %68- above requirements. At this rate I can have my degree completed at the end of Spring 2014 term.
Because of my academic improvement I ask you to please put me back on probation for the Spring and Summer 2013 terms so that I may further demonstrate to not only myself, but to----- that I can accomplish and adhere to SAP standards. I know if given another chance to improve and continue with my degree, I will succeed. Without the resources of financial aid I cannot achieve my goal of attaining a degree in A.A.S. Administration of Criminal Justice.
I am more motivated than ever and feel confident about my choices. My adviser has also helped me create a clear academic plan that will guarantee my success. I am more than happy and willing to do anything to get back on track. Thank you for your time. I can be contacted via E-mail, ---------- or phone ------Sincerely, --------</p>
<p>Would this really be for the financial aid office? It seems foolish to send an email to the aid office justifying your academic shortcomings… doesn’t seem like it is their decision whether you academically deserve aid or not. </p>
<p>I would go in person though since it isn’t clear cut.</p>
<p>To be honest I do not know who it really is suppose to go to. I plan on going in tomorrow to see my adviser and speak with them about it. I am just nervous and I want to be a little more prepared before I speak with them. I just don’t know what else to do.</p>
<p>Ok I’m bored so I’ll edit it. Here we go.</p>
<p>You should post this in the financial aid forum rather than here.</p>
<p>“My name is ---------,”
-I would replace this with "Hi, I am (name), a freshman studying (major).</p>
<p>“and I am writing this letter to appeal the decision of financial aid suspension.”
-Delete, next sentence covers this</p>
<p>“I am asking you to please place me back onto probation for the Spring 2013 semester, with financial aid privileges, so that I may prove how dedicated I am to my schooling and graduating with a degree.”
-Good sentence. I would replace “asking you to please” to “I am requesting to be placed back onto…” just sounds more formal, professional.</p>
<p>“I made a lot of mistakes during my first two semesters at ----, and I take full responsibility for my actions.”
-Quite a jump from the last sentence. I would put something at the beginning of this sentence like, “While I have grown to be dedicated to succeeding at (college), I have made a lot of mistakes during my first two semesters. I take full responsibility for my actions.”</p>
<p>“I was having personal issues that kept me from doing well in school, but I have since then resolved those issues.”
-Replace “was having” to “had.” I would delete everything after the “but,” and then tack this on at the end of explaining your personal issues. </p>
<p>"I no longer have a hectic home life or work schedule; which prevented me from being able to focus properly on my school work. "
-Should be comma, not semicolon.</p>
<p>“Because of this I allowed my GPA to drop below standards.”
-Good sentence, but I would just say, “Because of these reasons that have since gone away, my GPA dropped to below (college’s) standards and mine.”</p>
<p>“At that time I didn’t consider the impact of not having a college education would affect me.”
-I would just delete this. It is quite a sudden transition and your next sentence is nice.</p>
<p>“After a two-year hiatus, following my Spring 2010 semester, I learned that without a proper college education I will be stuck working medial jobs for the rest of my life; I do not want that life for myself.”
-Delete comma after hiatus. Otherwise, good sentence!</p>
<p>*Maybe add a sentence on briefly what you want to do with your education. Right now, it sounds like you go to college to escape what isn’t in college. Show them that you have a plan. So just add a brief 1 sentence description like, “Instead, with a collegiate education, I aim to…”</p>
<p>“This is a monumental reason for me to attend school, and an even greater motivator to do well and complete my degree successfully.”
-Change “a” to “the”. I don’t think there should be a comma after school because the second part does not stand independently of the other (it is a dependent clause)</p>
<p>Editing as you read this…</p>
<p>“Because of my behavior and my own misdirection during my Fall 2009 and Spring 2010 semesters, I brought financial aid suspension upon myself.”
-Simplify the dates to “during my 2009-10 school year.”
-Behavior sounds scary. Were you misbehaving? If not, I would delte “my behavior and”</p>
<p>"Due to this outcome I worked hard during the Fall 2012 semester to bring my grades to satisfactory standards. "
-Delete “outcome”</p>
<p>“During the Fall 2012 semester I earned all A’s and brought my GPA up from a 1.333 to a 2.333.”
-Adjust to “I earned all A’s, bringing my GPA from 1.333 to 2.333” CONGRATS BTW :)</p>
<p>“I will continue to improve my GPA with each semester.”
-Maybe, “This has grown confidence in me that although my college GPA may be lowered due to me Freshman performance, I can achieve much more.” Or something like that. Say more than this since reading that last sentence, I know that your GPA will continue to go up.</p>
<p>“While I improved my GPA for SAP standards, I did not complete the quantitative requirements for SAP approval. This is currently the reason why my financial aid has been suspended.”
-Good stuff (as in good sentences)</p>
<p>“The first step to fix this was to change my degree plan to something that is more suitable for me- A.A.S. Administration of Criminal Justice.”
-Should be “fix this is” not “fix this was”
- “-” to “:”</p>
<p>I wish to pursue this degree because I have always wanted to work in law enforcement and I know procuring this degree will allow me that opportunity.
-Procuring is a weird word. maybe after and, say “I have found that earning this degree will allow me to best pursue this path.” </p>
<p>Editing the rest!</p>
<p>“At this time, I have 9 credits completed towards the A.A.S. Administration of Justice degree. I understand that 9 credits is only a small victory towards accomplishing a degree.”
-Small step, not victory.</p>
<p>"However, after I have successfully finished the Spring 2013 semester I will have accomplished 21 credits toward my degree. "
-earned 21 credits, accomplished sounds weird. Accomplished is more for awards and milestones, earning is a much more appropriate word.</p>
<p>“In adherence to the SAP requirement of %67 completion rate, after the Spring 2013 semester I will have attempted a total of 52 credits and completed 31 credits.”
-Should be 67%</p>
<p>“This will bring my completion rate to %59.6.”
-Good sentence, maybe add something after the percent noting how you are so close</p>
<p>“In order to bring my degree progression to %67, I would like to use my Pell grant to take Summer 2013 term.”
-Again, the % usually goes after the number
-Good sentence</p>
<p>"After the Summer 2013 term I will have attempted a total of 67 credits and earned a total of 46 credits; this leaves me with a percentage rate of %68- above requirements. At this rate I can have my degree completed at the end of Spring 2014 term. "
-Make “;” a period
-Change “- above requirement” to “,which exceeds the requirement”</p>
<p>Still editing the rest!</p>
<p>“Because of my academic improvement I ask you to please put me back on probation for the Spring and Summer 2013 terms so that I may further demonstrate to not only myself, but to----- that I can accomplish and adhere to SAP standards.”
-I would delete “to not only myself but to ------” because the sentence gets long with it in
-Delete “accomplish and.” I like the word adhere, that’s all you need!</p>
<p>“I know if given another chance to improve and continue with my degree, I will succeed.”
-Maybe change to “I know that with my recent academic successes, I would succeed.”
-Should be “would” not “will” because you achieving it depends on their actions.</p>
<p>“Without the resources of financial aid I cannot achieve my goal of attaining a degree in A.A.S. Administration of Criminal Justice.”
-Change beginning to “Without the support of the financial aid office,”</p>
<p>“I am more motivated than ever and feel confident about my choices.”
-Maybe “and I have grown confident in my vocation.”</p>
<p>“My adviser has also helped me create a clear academic plan that will guarantee my success.”
-Put this in after the “…I will succeed” sentence. It seems tacked on here. I think you would have to delete also and replace it with “To ensure my success, I have worked with my advisor to create a clear academic plan that will guarantee my success.”</p>
<p>“I am more than happy and willing to do anything to get back on track. Thank you for your time. I can be contacted via E-mail, ---------- or phone -----”
-Good ending!</p>
<p>So it may seem that I “ripped up” your essay, but in most circumstances, your current draft would have been perfectly fine! Most are just suggestions, but I would recommend you look at them carefully. I spent this time because I knew this is important to you and hopefully you end up going down the path that leads you to satisfaction.</p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>Thank you so much for taking the time to help me! I really do appreciate it. I was feeling really down about my chances, but you have renewed my optimism. I don’t mind that you “ripped up” my essay, you have very good suggestions! Again, thank you :)</p>
<p>You’re welcome! You made an excellent decision to talk to your advisor. I would ask him/her how else you could improve your standings with the financial aid office. Possibly asking an instructor to advocate for you? Even if you aren’t didn’t get the best grades in their class, give it a shot. Explain what you went through, but even more importantly, your potential for the rest of your time at the institution.</p>