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“To imitate someone else is a waste of the person you are,” once said Kurt Cobain. Indeed, creativity comes from the heart, it cannot be contrived, and cannot be a mere facsimile of someone else’s ideas. Only then can one reveal their true potential creative abilities.
For example, when Joseph Ramirez, an esteemed and graphic designer first applied to art school, he submitted a portfolio oh his works as part of the application. When the judge reviewed his portfolio, he harshly dismissed all the art that Ramirez had heavily based on other artists’ styles. “They have no soul,” he admonished. When Ramirez had almost lost hope of being accepted into the school, the judge caught sight of his original paintings and immediately acclaimed Ramirez’ talent. Thus, by trul creating art, not just imitating, Ramirez went on to study and achieve a brilliant career in the fine arts.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was also an exponent of independent creation. He asserted, “Who could teach Plato or Shakespeare?” In his essay “Self-Reliance”, he passionately argued for the independence of every man’s creative abilities.
As Emerson said, “A man has infinite power over his own talents, but only a glimpse of those of another man.” Thus, creativity must stem from inside the creator, and not merely imitate another man’s creation.

Well, here’s mine. I came up with some (paraphrased) quotes, albeit at the expense of the second paragraph. I have a question, though: when you’re writing the essay, are you supposed to indent each new paragraph?

@Synonyms Honestly, I can’t get over the amount of names and dates you seem to hold in your head. I didn’t feel any snags in this essay at all. Sorry I can’t be critical enough, haha.

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@milopenguin That helps a lot actually. Now I know not to waste time trying to write an essay that “engages” the reader. I’ve always lost a lot of time rewriting sentences and tried to make them perfect. Thank you for the pointer.
@clpony7 Yup. You have to indent each new paragraph. Also, I have to ask, when will you take the SAT? If you still have a lot of time left then I really suggest that you not time yourself with only 25 minutes for the first few essays until you’ve gotten used to the structure. Like, you still time yourself, but don’t stop when you’ve hit the 25 minutes mark and keep on writing because honestly, it’s clear that the only problems you have are time-management and unfamiliarity with the structure. Lots of practice will help.
Also, if the make-up quote takes too much time then skip it and use the prompt itself as a kind of philosophy to get straight to the point. Your examples will always be the most important things in your essay. Like I said, cut your loss when you’ve been backed into a corner. However, if it’s possible, find or make up the quotes beforehand at home. By the way, AcademicHacker recommends that people should avoid “For example, blah blah blah” like the Plague because the structure’s been overused. Overall, because of your second example, I’ll have to give you a 3-4/6 again. Sorry about that.
About the dates and names, eh, I’ve just had my Physics final and am in the process of reviewing for my Chemistry final, so those names are kind of stuck inside my head. Not sure if I’ll still remember them comes October though.

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@Synonyms Wow, you are so good at remembering names and concepts!! Goals, haha.

I think you have definitely started to better explain why your ideas support the prompt/your thesis, but you still need to explicitly state why they do in some parts of your essay. For example, in your first body paragraph, I could infer why your statements about copernicus and heliocentrism were supporters of the prompt, but you never explicitly stated so. It kinda seemed like you were just listing off the history of heliocentrism, which is good, don’t get me wrong, but after that you need to justify those ideas and state why they are valid in light of the prompt. For example, you could end with “Each scientist throughout the evolution of heliocentrism developed more and more deeper insights about it because they were building off the concepts already pre established by one another. This imitation versus coming up with a completely new theory allowed for the understanding of heliocentrism to increase. Had it not been for the accumulative evolution of Heliocentrism, the world-changing Scientific Revolution, the opening act of which was the Copernican Revolution, wouldn’t have happened.”

Again, I also think you should start off each topic sentence with what you are going to talk about, versus saying something fluffy like “Rome wasn’t built in by one man,”. Instead, just blatantly state what you want to talk about in that paragraph. For example, your first topic sentence of your first paragraph could have been “As demonstrated by the evolution of heliocentrism, the imitations that scientists had of one another’s theories allowed for a stronger understanding to develop.”

I really like your second paragraph. Your ideas are developed well, but you still need to justify your evidence. You start to with “Built upon the first building blocks set down by the previous generations, the molecular orbital theory has been one of the most important tools for man to further its understanding of molecular bonding” but you should probably give another sentence explaining imitation. You could say “By taking others works and imitating it into something more advanced, molecular orbital theory became the pivotal theory it is today.”

Other than that, your essay is really good! I am still amazed by how well you remember examples haha. I would give this a 5/6, because you are almost there, just need to justify your points more clearly. :slight_smile:

By the way, what is an international student, haha? Are you in the International Baccalaureate Diploma program?

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@clpony7 Your ideas are solid, it’s just that you need to bring them into the next level and expand them/justify them. I give this a 3/6, but I am positive that you are able to get a 6 essay in the near future :slight_smile:

For your first paragraph, you simply reiterize Ramirez’s story of getting accepted into school, but don’t go into depth about why his originality is better than him imitating art. Go back and explain why this demonstrates his true potential in art as well as his abilities. Perhaps explain how he had been imitating another person’s work, but then also had his own ideas, and then explain how original they were. I kinda got lost, because I wasn’t quite sure if he had created both original and imitated work, so try to clarify your points.

Your next paragraph is also pretty minimal, but you have a strong topic that you could totally expand off on. Go into how Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay was a representation of his originality and why he said it’s better to be original than to just simply imitate someone. Clearly explain Emerson’s strong support of man using his own talents vs those of others, and definitely talk why his essay Self-Reliance demonstrates that.

I would also try to look into some pretty specific examples. What comes into my mind is art, and how you can either be original or imitate it, so you could look into the aesthetic movement, where nothing was really original, it was just trying to imitate life as best as it could, which inhibited creativity.

I believe in you @clpony7 !!! :smiley:

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@Synonyms No worries - just don’t quote me on that. That was my interpretation of the criteria. I haven’t actually taken an actual SAT yet, just practice exams.

Also, I’ll be submitting my essay tomorrow (hopefully), so I’ll critique everyone’s essay after I’ve written my own - I’ve been trying to avoid looking at the topic, haha.

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All right guys here’s my essay! I think we are all definitely benefiting from one another in our study group! :slight_smile:

 It is often best to imitate the ideas of others to a certain extent, as it allows for one to develop established ideas into personalized, even more effective ones. Several examples from visual arts, medical science, and historical events clearly demonstrate this.

 Through the actions of Andy Warhol's imitation of Pablo Picasso's art, was how his signature style of splatter paint art was born. Warhol went to an art gala featuring Picasso's extravagant cubism with a large myriad of colors and shapes. This chaotic yet balanced frenzy of artistry impacted Warhol to the extent that he imitated Picasso's technique in order to establish his own splatter paint artwork, that captured the chaos of his influence. Warhol took the ideas of Picasso, and morphed them into his own. He was inspired by the painter's methods, causing him to create a completely new, yet signature style that people continue to recognize today. As Picasso once said, "No artist is simply born; they always have a mother and a father." THis quote demonstrates Warhol's art as it presents how he did not simply birth an entirely new art form, but had an influence, something from which to imitate from. Imitation Picasso's work allowed Warhol to develop established ideas into his own personal one.

 As demonstrated by the work of Emile Duclaux, imitation in the field of medicine is also very prevalent. Duclaux worked closely with Louis Pasteur, the scientist who developed a vaccine for rabies, as well as creating the pasteurization of milk. WIth these breakthroughs in medicine, Pasteur was able to save many lives. However, after his death in 1895, Pasteur's close companion, Emile Duclaux, continued his legacy. Taking Pasteur's studies of vaccines and pasteurization, Duclaux was able to investigate a crop plague and find a cure for it, through the influence of Pasteur. The ideas that his predecessor had already established and discovered about germs and the extermination of them allowed for Duclaux to build off of them, and find a way to solve a dangerous crop plague that harmed the livelihood of many farmers. He took the ideas of Pasteur and developed them into his own, more efficient ones. Duclaux's imitation of his colleague's work allowed for him to gain more insight into daily problems by also building off of them.

 Lastly, in the late 1920s, China was engulfed in chaos. There were no effective leaders, effective economic or education systems, as well as no equality. Years of trying to revolutionize China based off of the unique yet faulty plans of other revolutionaries failed because there had not been another successful plan created in another country similar to China. Each new idea was too new for the crumbling society. However, many intellectualists, such as Chen Duxiu and Li Dazhao looked across the Chinese border into Russian Marxism. Russia had been in a position similar to that of China; there had been a reign of terror until communism was introduced, bringing about class equality. Duxiu and Dazhao decided to implement Marxism into China, because they believed that they had finally found a tested and successful plan for China. They imitated the basic rules of communism, however, also morphed the ideology to fit the Chinese situation. This allowed for China to take down the oppressive bourgeoisie through the powerful ideas of class equality. Had these Chinese intellectuals not imitated an already successful ideology, they would have had to resign to the tumultuous existence of China.

 After a careful analysis of Andy Warhol, Emile Duclaux, and Chen Duxiu and Li Dazhao, the imitation of an idea is often better than creating an entirely new one. Without imitation, new ideas could not be built off of already successful ones, and would not inspire others to try and achieve similar ideas. Imitation is thus often more powerful than originality.

-lol yes, I did use another Chinese history example, but it’s only because that’s what we are learning about in school right now, and it seems to apply everywhere haha

  • @clpony7 Usually for clarity’s sake you indent your paragraphs, but on the real SAT, you definitely should since you don’t want a confused reader for the whole 2 minutes of judgement they give you haha
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@malfoythegreat Haha, for some reasons, I’ve always had trouble with getting to the point. I’ll try not to beat around the bush so much next time.
About your essay, eh, I’ll have to give this a 5/6 even though your examples are really, really good. I don’t know, but the various grammar mistakes are usually the ones tested on the SAT and they kind of bother me, esp in the second paragraph in which they make the whole paragraph seems choppy:

  • “It is often best to imitate the ideas of others to a certain extent, as it allows for one to develop established ideas into personalized, even more effective ones” => “It is often best to imitate the ideas of others to a certain extent, as it allows one to develop established ideas into personalized and more effective ones”
  • “Through the actions of Andy Warhol’s imitation of Pablo Picasso’s art, was how his signature style of splatter paint art was born” => “By imitating Pablo Picasso’s art, Andy Warhol’s imitation of Pablo Picasso’s art came up with his own signature style of splatter paint art”.
  • “This chaotic yet balanced frenzy of artistry impacted Warhol to the extent that he imitated Picasso’s technique in order to establish his own splatter paint artwork, that captured the chaos of his influence.” => “This chaotic yet balanced frenzy of artistry impacted Warhol to the extent that he imitated Picasso’s technique in order to establish his own splatter paint artwork that captured the chaos of his influence.”
  • “Imitation Picasso’s work allowed Warhol to develop established ideas into his own personal one.” => “Imitating Picasso’s work allowed Warhol to develop established ideas into his own personal one.” By the way, nice job on the Picasso quote.
  • " With these breakthroughs in medicine, Pasteur was able to save many lives. However, after his death in 1895, Pasteur’s close companion, Emile Duclaux, continued his legacy. " => " With these breakthroughs in medicine, Pasteur was able to save many lives. After his death in 1895, Pasteur’s close companion, Emile Duclaux, continued his legacy."
  • “Without imitation, new ideas could not be built off of already successful ones and would not inspire others to try and achieve similar ideas.” => “Without imitation, new ideas could not be built off of already successful ones and would not inspire others to try and achieve similar ideas.”
  • The forth paragraph needs smoother intro. As it stands, while the impact of the severity of the situation is really strong (your intention, I believe), the thesis gets kind of lost until the end of that paragraph. I think you were prioritising the example over the thesis in this case. I’m not too sure how a real reader will look at this… Oh well, pot kettle black. It’s not like I don’t have the exact same problem.
    Also, maybe you should find some synonyms of the word “imitate” since I notice that you repeat that word a lot. I have no idea if they’ll dock off points for repetition like in IELTS though. By the way, I really like that Chinese history example since not many people actually look at the political climate at the time to realise that communism was really their only choice and jump the gun just because it’s communism.
    International students = students from outside the US. In my country, the IB Diploma program is only available in international schools, which are usually hell of expensive and not as good as the state schools, and is not accredited by the Ministry of Education and any Ministry-run universities, which account for all of the top ones and a majority of the total number of universities. Sorry, I need to rant because for some reasons, even though my high school and university are one of the best ones of their kinds in my country, internationally they rank even lower than some second-tier or even third-tier schools. It’s all kind of frustrating because I’m worried that that will impact negatively on my application.
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@Synonyms Thanks so much for the critique!! the 25 minutes always mess up my grammar so bad, so it’s so helpful to have someone who can tell me what I did wrong haha!

Don’t worry about ranting haha! I didn’t know that IB programs cost money outside of the US. I think that your application will be fine, because a vast majority of the time, universities look specifically at the classes you took, and grades you got vs what school you went to. I know some people who went to really awesome prestigious colleges, and they went to pretty bad high school haha.

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@malfoythegreat Well, there’s a small problem with that though. Since my high school is one of those insanely picky specialised “for the gifted” (their words, not mine) schools with those AP-like classes (but without the benefit of credit transfer) that have infamously (within the country) painful course load, my scores, while aren’t that bad when compared to my schoolmates, will definitely look bad when compared with other non-specialised schools, which inflate their grades like crazy. My university’s course load is even worse. Fun fact: An average of 2 students go mad annually at my university. As in, mad mad, gibbering “what’s my name” mad. Furthermore, because most of my classmates are monsters (in their chosen major, most of them suck at English though), both back in high school and now, esp now, my scores are depressingly average. Well, 1/3 of the class. Even though I know that there’s practically zero chance of my getting accepted as an international transfer student, I still can’t let go of my childhood dream no matter what I do, thus why I’m here. Again, I’m sorry for the rant, but these Chemistry finals are killing my brain cells.
I’m not sure whether the IB programs by themselves cost money or not, but I do know that they are only offered to students of those insanely expensive international schools.

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Hey guys, thanks a lot for all your pointers! I did a quick edit of my last essay without timing myself and was wondering if you could tell me if I improved the develop your examples part? If you’re short on time, you can ignore it though.

“To imitate someone else is a waste of the person you are,” once said Kurt Cobain. Indeed, creativity comes from the heart: it cannot be contrived and it cannot be a mere facsimile of someone else’s ideas. Only then can one discover their true creative potential.
Such was the case of Joseph Ramirez, an esteemed artist and graphic desiner. When he applied to University of California, his art portfolio comprised mostly works that were heavily based on other artists’ styles and few truly original works. While Ramirez hoped to receive acclaim for his ability to use others’ ideas to create his own, the judges harshly dismissed these works as “having no soul”. However, when the judges caught sight of his simpler, but wholly original paintings, they realized Ramirez’ talent and potential. Thus, by truly creating art, not just imitating, Ramierz went on to study and achieve a brilliant career in the fine arts. He often cites this incident as an important lesson in the importance of creating your own ideas instead of recycling those of other people.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was also an avid exponent of individuality in creativity. In his essay “Self-reliance”, he ardently supported the idea that man should strive to explore his own creative abilities and not on those of others. He asserted that great men were great because they were original. “Who could teach Plato, or Confucius, or Shakespeare?” he said. In “Self-Reliance”, Emerson asserts that man should not imitate other men because one has infinite power over his own talent, but only a glimpse of that of another man. Once again, we see that imitation is deemed powerless in comparison with the creative abilities of a man who looks inside himself.
We can conclude, therefore, that creativity must stem from inside the creator, and not merely reiterate another man’s creation.

@Synonyms Yeah, I only have 2 weeks until I’m taking it. I’m not a senior though, so if it comes down to it, I won’t be doomed by my score. Sorry to hear about the predicament with your school. That sounds really messed up the way other schools’ grades are inflated. From what I know, here, a good grade in an AP class is automatically equivalent to a great grade in a regular one. For you to not get credit for all the work you do is really wrong- I hope it isn’t overlooked as just a bug in the system. Don’t worry about ranting, either. Take care!

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Assignment:
Is it always better to be original than to imitate or use the ideas of others?

Essay:
"It is always more beneficial to be original than to copy the ideas of other people. Originality brings new ideologies and inventions that may benefit society. This is evident in the examples of the Romans, Dr. Kurt Goldstein and Steve Jobs.

The Romans demonstrated originality by inventing the “army formation.” This new tactic was introduced to the Roman cavalry in 235 B.C. by Quintus Catalus, a praetor (Roman general). It forced all men in the army to abide specific instructions given by their leaders. Depending on the situation the soldiers would organize themselves in a protective circle formation or an offensive V-shape formation. The new strategy was unprecedented and thus, caught enemies off-guard. As a result, the Romans were able to conquer modern Europe, African and the Middle East. These conquests brought economic prosperity in Rome. Therefore, as demonstrated b the Romans’ invention of the military formation, originality is better than imitating past ideas.

Dr. Kurt Goldstein was a German neurologist who discovered the cause of Alien Hand Syndrome by taking an original approach to address the problem. Previously in the 19th century, doctors had ascribed the cause of Alien Hand Syndrome, a condition where patients no longer have control over their left hand, to extra-terrestrial beings. They believed that “aliens” had possessed the out of control left hands. However, in 1908, Dr. Goldstein took a new approach to this problem. His meticulous science experiments on the brain revealed that Alien Hand Syndrome had developed in victims as a result of human fault. A surgical procedure, known as a corpus callosotomy, which destroys the connections between the left and right cerebral hemispheres, was the cause of Alien Hand Syndrome.This new, scientific approach by Dr. Goldstein prevented other people from being diagnosed with Alien Hand Syndrome as the corpus callosotomy procedure was abolished after Dr. Goldstein’s discovery. Hence, originality should be preferred over imitation of previous ideas.

Steve Jobs invented the Mac in 1972 and this invention benefited society. While critics claim that Jobs ripped off the Microsoft computer, a thorough analysis of the history of computers reveals that Jobs’ Mac was in the development stage two years before Bill Gates even designed a blueprint for his Microsoft computer. Hence, Jobs displayed originality when designing the Mac. The Mac is now used by over 100 million people worldwide. Therefore, originality is better than imitation.

Through a thorough analysis of the inventions of the Romans, Dr. Goldstein and Steve Jobs, it has been demonstrated that originality is better than copying old ideas."

Damn, I went over by a minute and didn’t get time to check my essay. Please feel free to give some honest critique, guys!

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@clpony7 I would give both of your previous essays a 3/6. You need more examples to support your thesis. Or at the very least, you need to elaborate even further on your example if you choose to have only one example.

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@Synonyms Your recent essay was a 5/6. Your second example was excellent, but I think your essay could have benefited if your first example was more clear. Also, there are a few grammar mistakes which may have occurred due to the rushed time limit.

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@malfoythegreat I would give your recent essay a 6/6.

Criticisms:
Be very clear in your thesis - What is a “certain extent?” Also, avoid using “extent words.” Take a position and support it 100%. Don’t sit on the fence. While you appear to have taken a position, using the phrase “a certain extent” shows that you are not supporting it 100%. This is just my interpretation of your essay and the marking criteria - again, I’m not quite sure if you’re allowed to sit on the fence - I try not to.

Other than that, your essay is amazing! Examples were clear and very detailed.

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@clpony7 I think this one is a lot better than your last one. 4/6. If you can expand your second example just a bit more, that would be great.
I really hope that it won’t be overlooked, too. Thank you for your concern.
@milopenguin Another 6/6 for you. Other than the fact that your second example is on the long side and needs smoother transition at the beginning, your third example is a bit too short and a bit choppy at the end and your conclusion is pretty underwhelming because of your lack of time, I presume, everything’s swell. Also, not that this affected negatively on your essay or anything, but I’m pretty sure that corpus callosotomy is still in use today. Just saying.

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Yeah, I know, @Synonyms. Hahaha! I appreciate the feedback. Who’s posting the next topic?
How’s the rest of the SAT prep going for you, guys? Are you getting the scores you want? Hope you’re all doing well!
@clpony7 @malfoythegreat

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I’ll post the next prompt. Since I’ll be pretty busy for the next few days and it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to write, I figure that I may as well leave the element of surprise to you guys.
Here’s the prompt: Has modern advancements truly improved the quality of people’s lives?

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I won’t be able to write anything for the next 2-4 days. I’ll see if I have the time to critique your essays.

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Thanks for posting the next prompt @Synonyms !!
I as well don’t really have a lot of time haha, but I will try to post an essay by this week and critique your guys’ stuff!

SAT prep is going pretty well @milopenguin ! Writing essays on here with you guys has definitely helped wowow haha. Hope all is going well for you guys!!! :smiley:
@clpony7

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Well, I guess I’ll break the silence. We kind of all fell of the edge of the earth for a few days there, haha. Hope all is well for you guys.

Are organizations or groups most successful when their members pursue individual wishes and goals?

Collaborations in which the individuals fail to strive for one goal are infamously destined to fail. A group must have a purpose that its members collectively work towards; otherwise, all efforts will be to no avail.

This can be observed in the novel Lord of the Flies, where a group of schoolboys are stranded on an island due to a plane crash. Their elected leader, Jack, quickly loses control once the boys develop different ideas for courses of action. The once large group of boys splits up into factions, neither having enough people to properly survive. Finally, a civil war breaks out and the island is accidentally set on fire, putting the boys’ lives in jeopardy. This grave development of events was a result of the initial failure to cooperate as a group and unite efforts towards a single purpose.

Such a situation can also be observed in the Napoleonic invasion of Russia in 1812. Napoleon’s troops consisted largely of mercenaries from European countries he had conquered. These troops, divided by their nationalities, often disregarded the strategic upper-hand they could achieve by working together. Instead, they worked independently, resulting in lamentable disorganization that was further exacerbated by the coming winter. Thus, Napoleon’s troops suffered greatly due to their lack of strategically critical collaboration.

Overall, when a team joins forces, all its efforts contribute to a single goal. When no such goal is established, the result is petty, and largely inhibiting, disorganization.