SAT Essay (International Student)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi there,</p>

<p>As an international student from Germany, I am taking the SAT for the first time this Saturday.
Since I am (obviously) not as familiar with writing something in such a short time without a dictionary, I am experiencing some difficulties with preparing for the essay and am especially worried that I won't receive a good score as opposed to native speakers.</p>

<p>The following Essay is something I wrote as practice for the test. It would be great if somebody could grade it on the normal scale from 2 to 12 and give me some constructive criticism/ advice on how to improve (although I have only 4 days left). I'm sure there are probably some grammatical errors/messed-up sentences/bad vocab in it and your writing is way better than mine, but I'd really like to know what score I'd get with this essay.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance. :)</p>

<p>CollegeBoard Official SAT Study Guide, Practice Test #4</p>

<p>Prompt:
Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually non-stop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.
-Adapted from Karen Finucan, “Life in the Fast Lane”</p>

<p>Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
For those living in the 21st century, the world is rapidly changing. Almost every day there seems to be a new technological innovation that makes our lives easier, faster, more efficient. However, some of these changes come with imminent consequences that can’t necessarily be considered positive.
One of the most important and influential inventions of our time is the establishment of social networks such as Facebook and Twitter. These networks notably increased the speed of communication, granting easy access to resources and information anywhere and anytime with the help of electronic devices like smartphones and computers. But there are downsides to this trend that are especially clear for those who don’t have access to the sources.</p>

<p>Recently, my best friend told me about a conversation she had with a guy from our school. After she told him that she didn’t have a Facebook account, he looked at her with confusion and asked: “Wait, then how do you find friends?”
To me, this is a clear sign of how social networks negatively affect social life.
Instead of cherishing “real” relationships and talking to somebody one-on-one, people communicate via the Internet almost incessantly. Thus, actual conversations and friendships seem to loose more and more of their value and merely take place on a virtual level.
It can often be observed that people sitting next to each other – on trains, buses or in other supposedly “social” situations - communicate with several other individuals at the same time with their cellphones, instead of appreciating what is happening around them.
Furthermore, people who are not in possession of smartphones or, like my aforementioned best friend, don’t have a Facebook account, are starting to face exclusion as everything, from organizing activities to discussing school-related issues, seems to happen online, which was also the case at my school. Not being available 24 hours a day seems to be a downright handicap, since you could miss something important by not being online.</p>

<p>Examining the new means of communication, it can be concluded that, although these things seem to help our everyday life to a large extent, they bring some negative aspects and do not necessarily change life for the better.</p>

2

<p>Somebody? Please?</p>

3

<p>I’d call this a six (two threes). If you get charitable readers, you’re looking at an eight (two fours).</p>

<p>The good news is that, despite a couple odd phrasings, this essay is clear and readable. That’s more than I can say for nearly half of the hundred or more of these I’ve seen this week alone. </p>

<p>Here are the problems:</p>

<p>Too frequently, your analysis is fairly superficial. You’ve gotta say something new about this subject. (I know it’s hard. That’s why they give general prompts like this. Anyone can write about them—few can write WELL.)</p>

<p>Sometimes you don’t provide any analysis at all. Consider this part here:</p>

<p>It can often be observed that people sitting next to each other – on trains, buses or in other supposedly “social” situations - communicate with several other individuals at the same time with their cellphones, instead of appreciating what is happening around them.</p>

<p>This is 90% fact. The reader wants to know WHY this matters in the big picture. You almost start by referring to people’s failure to “[appreciate] what is happening,” but you stop there. The idea has promise, but ultimately it doesn’t deliver, doesn’t reach its fruition.</p>

<p>Another not-so-minor point: If you’re going to cite personal experience as evidence, it had better be damn strong. This is why you might have been better served to use history/literature examples in addition to the part about modern life.</p>

<p>If you’d like more detailed feedback, let me know.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

4

<p>Thank you so much for that. I don’t think there’s much I can do now (the test is tomorrow), but I’ll definitely keep in mind what you said. I can see that you’re right about the weak aspects you’ve pointed out. As for your concern about personal experiences, I totally get your point, and I’ll try to be more detailed about my arguments tomorrow (at least as far as time allows me).
You’ve been very helpful, thanks again :)</p>