The HARDEST SAT essay question.

Test Preparation
1

<p>I was doing a practice SAT from Collegeboard today, and I really stuggled (at least I think) with the essay.
So here's the prompt: do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>

<ol>
<li>Does anyone have any examples (not personal) which could be used in this situation?</li>
<li><p>Anyone care to grade my essay out of 6?</p>

<p>Discoveries and inventions which may make our lives easier, don't necessarily make them them better. To better our lives would be to expand our opportunities and natural boundaries; yet with new changes occurring through technology, a symptom of laziness is rising to the surface of humanity. This laziness of action and thought is detrimental to our lives.</p>

<p>The invention of the internet was intended to expand our knowledge. However, this easy access, fast-searching machine has become more of a playground for entertainment and procrastination rather than a useful tool. You will most always find a child on the internet looking at a music video, rather than researching. Entertainment is certainly no sin, but the ever growing world of cyber-space, although making some things easier to access, is not battering our lives.</p>

<p>With the internet and other technologies rising to popularity each day, the words of Charles H. Duell in 1899, "Everything that can be invented, has been invented", have been proven wrong. Yet it is not the growing technologies which will expand our knowledge, but the discoveries of man. Take, for example, the NASA moon landing in 1969; there was no internet then and certainly NASA did not have the "technologies" they do today. But still today, they haven't sent another man to the moon or any other planet. The rise of modern technologies will never replace man's hunger for discovery. Only the human mind can be the ultimate drive for success.</p>

<p>The word "easier" is too often associated with "better". Making our lives easier is most often a result or instigation of laziness. As proven by the modern internet and the lack of further human space exploration, technology does not guarentee a more informed lifestyle. Instead, it warrants man a "spoilt little kid" attitude, one which we must be cautious not to feed in order to better our lives.</p></li>
</ol>

<p><em>P.s. I'm: an Australian student, in Year 11, applying for NYU's Tisch, do actually use the internet myself quite a bit for entertainment - so I'm not trying to bag kids lol</em></p>

<p>So let me know what you think!!</p>

2

<p>this essay would most likely receive a score of 8-10 depending on your scorer. It is not a great essay mainly because of your second paragraph. It poorly supports your thesis.
For SAT essays, a good formula is historical reference which you sort of have, and a personal anecdote. It provides personal insight and objective observation that will defend your thesis and appeal to a broader spectrum of “graders.”</p>

3

<p>I think it’s quite decent. I’d give it a 5. I have seen inferior essays receive 6’s though. Your essay gives a good answer while reflecting a fairly mature point of view. The diction is good, not too wordy or pretentious and suggests a relaxed, confident writer. (there are some spelling errors btw)</p>

<p>The 2nd paragraph, while containing a reasonable point, is a bit weak, kind of a glib generalization. Could be made to work within the context of the whole thing if…</p>

<p>…the conclusion was more substantial. It seems obligatory, an afterthought, and doesn’t continue the development of the main idea, which actually gathers some steam by the third paragraph. If there’s anything resembling a climax here, its the third paragraph.</p>

<p>Keep working at it. I think you have potential.</p>

4

<p>It seems the meatiest part of your answer comes in the sentence, “To better our lives would be to expand…”</p>

<p>Your second paragraph is tied to the idea by the sentence, “The invention of the internet was intended to expand our knowledge.” (A good way to show ideas are related is to repeat a key word like “expand”.) The rest of the paragraph suggests the internet doesn’t make us smarter, but rather distracts us (many of us?) from learning. The point is good and relates directly to your purpose, but the wording is clumsy. (“this easy access, fast-searching machine” and the entire final sentence is awkward, even after you substitute “bettering” for “battering”. On the other hand, “playground for entertainment and procrastination” is not bad at all.)</p>

<p>The third paragraph has a problem. Your core idea is good, but it is not presented well. “Yet it is not the growing technologies that will expand our knowledge, but the discoveries of man.” Say what? Aren’t the growing technologies among the discoveries of man? And don’t the growing technologies (I’m thinking electron microscopes, the Hubbel telescope, brain-imaging technologies, etc.) provide the means for man to make discoveries? Your reader will be thrown by your wording of the idea and will have to override their own doubts as they read on. </p>

<p>Of course, by the end of the paragraph your meaning emerges. But, as they say, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. The first three sentences of the third paragraph are really wheel-spinning. (The quote is okay for an SAT brownie point, but it’s really a bit of a distraction since it’s a touch off the point. Yeah, technology is growing. Your point is to draw a distinction between having machines and mankind’s fundamental drive to learn.) If you wanted to work from evidence to conclusion, you could have started with the NASA example and saved the quote for the final paragraph.</p>

<p>In general, the third paragraph has a problem with clear focus and a smooth progression of ideas which SAT readers are looking for in a 6 level essay.</p>

<p>Finally, the concluding paragraph. If you are going to use words like “instigate” and “warrant” to impress a reader with your vocabulary, then you might want to avoid “spoiled-little-kid” as a modifier for ‘attitude’. Now let’s return to the idea of repeating key words to help your reader understand that ideas are related. You have been talking about “expanding knowledge”. Why did you change that to “more informed lifestyle” in your concluding remarks?</p>

<p>Your word count was about 310. Adding another idea could have brought it to 400 or so. This brings us to a final point. In your first paragraph you wrote, “expand opportunities and natural boundaries”. As you wrote, ‘opportunities’ and ‘boundaries’ became ‘knowledge’. You did a good job with ‘knowledge’ which contains facets of both opportunity and boundary, but have you really gotten all the ideas you could have from expanding opportunities and boundaries? If you had spent a moment more in planning, you might have gotten another point or two from your thesis. Yes, time is a factor, but there’s a case to be made for having to cram ideas into short time periods. The urgency makes you edit. You may find you are spending less time spinning wheels and therefore less time writing things that really don’t move your idea forward. That makes your writing more “idea-rich” for the same number of words. That density of ideas and economy of words is a characteristic of every level 6 essay I’ve read. It comes from having plenty to say and an urgency to say it. (If you can’t get to all your points, develop the best two in depth and mention the others briefly as a lead-in to your concluding paragraph.)</p>

<p>I agree with the other comments regarding the score. 4 - 5 depending upon your handwriting, and what mood the reader is in. Some tend to be a bit harder on higher level essays than others</p>

5

<p>I’m from Greece and I’m hoping to study in US in 2 years from now so here is my essay…</p>

<p>Nobody could ever imagine one hundred years ago that technology could be improved so much in so short period of time. I believe that technology helped us in so many ways and made our lives much easier and faster. Although surveys have shown that many of the techonological innovations could harm human’s health and could be even fatal if people don’t pay enough attention on it. Moreover,it is logical that nature always tries to counterbalance the values, so if someone tries to change something on a subject it will have some consequences on another part of it.
One of the most extraordinary examples of the technological power is the mobile phone. This device gives us the opportunity to talk to someone without being around them. Specifically, last Christmas when my mother went to Japan for a week I was in Spain with my older sister and we couldn’t fly back home because of bad weather conditions.When finally the storm stoped and we could embarkate to our airplane they asked for my mother’s permition because I wasn’t eighteen yet. In other words owe to her mobile phone we contact with her and after four hours I was in Greece.Another outrageous example is the internet and it’s thousands abilities. For instance, if somebody wanted to look for a historic event and find some informations about it the only thing they have to do is to google it and thousand different informations will come out. Then the only thing they have to do is to click on the ‘print’ button and every single information is in their hands in a couple of minutes without writting anything.
On the other hand technology has it’s drawbacks also.To be more precise, several technological improvements have helped a howsewife to take care of her house and children but those things have it’s disadvantages. For intanse, microwave has the ability to warm the food without using a lot of energy or time. However surveys have proved that microwave emits radioactive waves while it’s working.Furthermore, households are daily exposed to several harmful substances such as bleach which is proved to be cancer-causing because of the large amound of chloride that contains.
In conclusion, despite the fact that technology has it’s disadvantages in my opinion the benefits that offers are much more important. In general everyone has to be better informed about which are the technology’s drawbacks so that they can be protected proportionally.</p>

6

<p>well im not sure about marking the development of a single idea throughout the paragraph,</p>

<p>but if i was to mark it based on the rubric which i learnt through (intro, 3 body paras for 3 different examples, and a conclusion which got me a 11) i would give it a 3 =/, but then again this is just because you’ve developed one example and im unaware of how thats graded, i follow a different rubric so just offering input form the other side =)</p>

7

<p>In general, I thought you had a reasonable opening paragraph. There is a problem, however, with the last sentence. I understand the idea, but the terms that you’ve chosen to express it are very general.’ Values’, and “change something on a subject” are the specific terms that I’m referring to. Can you think of a more direct and concrete way to express the idea that many technological advances have unforeseen consequences?</p>

<p>As I read the essay, your major ideas in order are as follows:</p>

<p>In the first paragraph use state that technological advances have occurred very rapidly. We’ve received many benefits from those advances, but they also sometimes have negative consequences.</p>

<p>In the second paragraph you give a personal example of how a cell phone has helped you. Then you give another example of how the Internet has made information almost instantly available. Your main idea in this paragraph is that technological advances have benefited us.</p>

<p>In the third paragraph your main idea is that sometimes technological advances have negative consequences. You are two examples are both taken from household products: the radiation from microwave ovens and the cancer-causing effect of household chemicals.</p>

<p>In the final paragraph you present two ideas: that the benefits of technology outweigh the disadvantages and that people should inform themselves about the disadvantages in order to protect themselves.</p>

<p>In the terms that SAT readers use, this was a “competent” essay. You’ve followed a line of reasoning and supported with examples. It would be scored a four of six. (I’m not considering a somewhat larger than usual number of grammatical errors and unidiomatic constructions. I think those will change with two more years of English language study.) The reason why the essay would not get a higher score is that the examples that you use and the ideas that you present are rather typical of an average high school student’s understanding of the topic. For a higher score, your ideas and examples need to demonstrate that you have an above average understanding of the world around you. That comes from an above average effort to read about that world. Begin now to read adult newspapers and magazines regularly. Discuss the stories with your parents, your teachers and with those of your friends who have a mature interest in the issues of the world. Remember that a great deal of the quality of your reading and and your writing is determined by your general knowledge of a wide range of subjects. The more you know, the more you will have to say.</p>